graffitti's an art he says..

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Ree Ree
Member

since 2001-06-28

Posts 56
providence, RI

0 posted 2003-01-18 02:09 AM

returning to somewhere new
alone
tranquil
not the lonely lonliness
that hurts
that's sharp
and defeaning,
not this
but the lonliness that leaves you
almost
empty.
empitness being better
better than the alternative;
to feel left
utterly alone
lost
abandoned;
the differance here is
loosing...
versus
never having at all....
where and when no one cares;
here
atleast when no one cares
it's becasue he doesn't
exist
not that no one wants to care
he just doesn't exist
not here he doesn't
closing the door,
behind her
it's all the same
closing her eyes
ridding the world of it's
names
it's faces
she knows she's been here
times before
floor boards creek
just like they did then
the wind whips
there are always warning signs
i remember
she understands
he can't
you won't
i can hear her
why can't u?
it's not your fault
like it was his,
you weren't here
last time
when she was here
with you
with him not you
you're not him
are you?
faces differant
words worlds apart
intentions
who knows?
perfectly the same
entirely differant
it doesn't matter
because she feels just the same
reaching for the light
the lamp
a click
no yellow rays however
broken?
or simply blind?
she is lost in this place
this place she's been
before
returning with no intention
of repeating
the past
the pain
the loss
the lonely lonliness
a door
a warm place
to hide
she sits there
alone
lonely
pretending
to be empty
emptiness being better
than what she'd feel
if she opened her eyes
and was greated by
the dark
alone
with nothing to comfort
except maybe her lonly lonliness,
not even him
not even u...

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

1 posted 2003-01-18 07:33 PM

I loved this. I don't mean any offence by this, but I loved how it seemed to be stumbling over the whole time. Thoughts - going back and forth and realizing but not entirely following.. reaction and formation.

These were my favourite lines:

"atleast when no one cares
it's becasue he doesn't
exist"

"you weren't here
last time
when she was here
with you
with him not you
you're not him
are you?"

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

2 posted 2003-01-19 11:21 PM

I agree with Jaime, i also saw some sort of stumbling, kind of like when your walking on a rocky beach its ahrd to get to your desired spot. I really enjoyed this poem, the short lines worked perfectly. *two thumbs up*

Regina

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-02-15 06:49 PM

I am so glad I read this poem! I love the way you wrote it, the form and the actual wording. If I could write a poem that good, that suspenseful...I'd be set! 2 thumbs up and five stars to you!

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

4 posted 2003-02-15 07:04 PM

That's heavy...At least to me it is. I loved it, in a sad way.
Something else quite interesting...My nickname is Ree...o_O

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

5 posted 2003-02-16 11:04 PM

This is great, and what a catchy title
Really it's the first poem of this length I was able to read with genuine interest throughout the entire thing and wasn't compelled to skip pieces of it.
Bel

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.