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Teen Poetry #6

Fire's Fuel

Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

0 posted 2003-07-05 07:08 PM

Fire's Fuel

My pillow swims
In a puddle of tears
my life brims
Enveloped in fears

Life is not fair
Life is no fun
No one does care
Until your life's done

How simple a mind
How innocent my look
How no one dare find
My cure in a book

No I'm not crazy
I'm just so confused
And unbelievable lazy
Because I'm so abused

To you
My life isn't bad
I'm through
Tired of being sad

My head
Is spinning
The dread
Is winning

Why fight
All day
All my might
Has gone away

Goodbye, I say
To this world, so cruel
Save my sould, I pray
As my body is the fire's fuel.

I love this website! Your comments are greatly appreciated.

~*Alnilam*~
The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood.
-Jean Cocteau-

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2003-07-05 10:00 PM

I enjoyed this a lot

The words you used...I just enjoyed this so much. I dont really know what elses to say but Greatness!

I'm just kickin it up

[This message has been edited by Match (07-05-2003 10:00 PM).]

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

2 posted 2003-07-06 12:29 PM

nice poem
I can relate
no one does care unless its entertaining

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

3 posted 2003-07-06 05:47 PM

I hate that feeling... but you did a wonderful job of expressing it.

Only thing that could improve it is some serious editing on the meter... it's really off in some places.

Try counting the syllables in each line... if they're more than a couple off from each other, you prob'ly need to change some words around.

Keep up the good work!

-Lioness

Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

4 posted 2003-07-07 10:19 PM

thanks everyone for ur feedback. much needed, and appreciated.

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