Teen Poetry #6 |
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The girl i desire just got a boyfriend (part 2) |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
To understand how I feel We must go back to days of the past When we were friends, nothing more No problems in life, just having a blast Never did I think what we have could exist A friend who will always be there for me That is how I see it, am I right? Hopefully without hesitation you'll agree Took me awhile but I figured it out I had the wrong girl in my romantic eye Realizing you are the one I desire Now unable to be with you makes me cry My tears are not filled with bitterness If your happy, then i'm happy for you You deserve everything you want in life My love for you is one you never knew A lack of confidence let me down again My feelings so strong yet I can't explain Didn't want to risk ruining our friendship Turns out I now suffer alone in pain I know I can't fix what is done That doesn't mean I don't have regrets Would give it all up to start over The love I have for you I'll never forget We're apart now, I'm not done trying Struggling as I hold on to any sign of hope Unaware of what the future will bring If I were to lose you, don't think i could cope Feeling lonely while dreaming of you Wanting more than to be your friend You are all that I need in life My love for you has no end I know i just posted earlier today, and i'm sorry for posting again, but this subject has put a lot on my mind, had to write and had to share. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
A nice effort, and an improvement on part one. I think that the problem with the first one was that it relied a bit too heavily on rhyme, and it sometimes felt like you were just putting words there for the sake of rhyming. In this one, the rhyming scheme is a little less clumsy, and, as I said, there is an obvious improvement, and you portray the feeling of unrequited love very well. One idea: I know you prefer to rhyme, but why not try unstructured poetry? I'd be interested to see your progress. Hope I don't sound too harsh here ![]() Ellie ![]() "I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma" |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
i liked this one. flowed well. good job. ![]() If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain. |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
this,i agree, fitz together more than the first one thx for sharing these poemz they r really good ###CATHY### "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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