»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #6
»
Passions (lost)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
|
Passions (lost) |
|
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
|
Passions Lost I won't write it pains my heart to see my words fade away and as I drown the world turns blue and these hollow walls show the echoes in your empty message Andrew it’s not your makeup that fades |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
1) Did I miss something? Your critique message deeply confuses me... Huggles? Wombles? Please... explain. I want to understand... and 2) as for the poem.... Chills! So many ways to interpret this... so little time... Wow... I know, I'm not helpful right now... I just can't nit-pick this. Maybe later... * sings "Cuz I'm pretty sure the world's on Heroin" * "You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG [This message has been edited by Allysa (09-26-2002 10:41 AM).] |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Not liking the replies, eh Zu?  Short but sweet. I knew you'd be back you bloody liar! *beats you with a rubber duck* Keep writing, ok? You do it so well. ~AF~ "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf |
||
|
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
It's not so much the replies as the endless amount of poems being post here, I really have a problem with people posting 3 poems on this forum everyday, you have to question the quality of some of the poems and the motive for doing it. It's not fair on those poets who spend a long time writing a peice which means an awful lot to them who then find it burried under what for a better name I shall call spam with only one or two replies. Thus I shall only reply to poets who post a reasonable amount of poems and who reply to my work  Anyway thank you for the replies, they really are appreciated  as promised *huggles* 1.) www.wombles.tv/ and huggles is a cross between cuddles and hugs Andrew If your reading this signature I have replied to your poem, please repay the compliment :) |
||
|
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew. I don't know why I said your name three times. You want a critique, hmm? *thinks* I could do that. "I won't write" I understand what you're trying to get across here, but the martyr thing really doesn't work for you. Maybe I know you too well. "it pains my heart to see my words fade away" I don't really know what to do with this one. "and as I drown the world turns blue and these hollow walls show the echoes in your empty message" I think this one would have been better split into two sentences instead of one huge one. I'm thinking maybe even just a semi-colon after "the world turns blue". That's just my opinion though, and I never did get my huggles OR my wombles. You made your point quite well, my friend. Good job I have a lizard, and his name is Jake. |
||
|
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Your point is not one with which I necessarily agree... I think it's most important that the under-developed poetry get the most attention. PIP, especially Teen Poetry, is about growth... not showing off how great of writers we are. Maybe some of us have developed to the point where we post to impress, but there are a lot of us who post for advice and guidance from more established members. All posts in this forum are important. We're all headed someplace in poetry.  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
||
|
anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
i agee, though i am sometimes ashamed of my sudden bursts of inspiration,i post my poems immediately without editing it and when I check the next time, im like....ew! i wrote that?. anyway the pips here really helped me gain more insights on what makes a good poem so love ya all pips!!! * you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or |
||
|
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Good work. . . . . . . . . . . Just kidding. I understand the frustration in this, but I'm too tired to tear it apart, sorry. I'll come back, maybe. Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
||
|
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Let me just bring this hypothetical situation in. 50 (Poets) * 3 (Maximum posts on a board per day) = 150 Poems As a user of the board it's a little worrying to see how things could spiral out of control if just 50 poets on this board post 3 poems a day. Bearing in mind Pip has over 4000 Members, not all who post poetry or even prose, but even then we still probably have well over 2000 who do, so you take that number and what if everyone of them posts their 3 poems a day thats 6000 poems a day!!! 150 (Poems) * 7 (Days in a week) = 1050 Now back to our original example, if just 50 members post 3 poems a day for seven days a week we soon have a grand total of 1050 poems in 7 days, now say there is a post "poem #1 on" day 1 and no one see's it... 149 poems posted on top of that, poem #1 is on page 6 (25 poems per page) even at 50 poems per page it is on page 3. Now there are poems on this very board (just check the 200 per page) that have no replies and they are either just beyond or within 150 poems, they have no replies, NO REPLIES!!! and we are no where near reaching 50 poems a day nevermind 150 poems a day and yet this situation exists, now imagine what would happen if the 50 people did post 3 poems a day for seven days your poem would be on the 6th page if you had it on 200 poems per page and it would be on page 42 with 25 poems per page, thats within 7 days. I don't know about you but when I'm looking for a poem I don't normally start at page 42. So lets not forget about those poems that are less than 200 deep and have no replies (not mentioning the poems with only one or two replies)and those that were posted on the 24, 25, 26, 27th (just less than a week ago)). Can we now see that too many poems are being posted and not enough attention is been given to each post, the growth of us as poets will only happen once we reduce our originating posts. Andrew [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (09-30-2002 11:47 AM).] |
||
|
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
here!! here!! thank you andrew, for saying what's all on our minds. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
||
|
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I'm cringing from all that math, Andrew. This is a topic that needs to be jointly discussed by all the poets who post in here. You do have a point though. Kudos for bringing it up I have a lizard, and his name is Jake. |
||
|
Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
I would love for this to happen, but pip is and always will be a get what you want out of it forum. You will not be able to prevent poets from posting their work, and not replying to others. Some people only desire to be heard, and in that to have others acceptance. Some love to read what others are feeling, and use that to understand themsleves. Some people form friendships here and value them, while others remain completley annonymous. The best thing I can suggest for you to do, is add poets to your library when you appreciate their work, this way, you can continually check up on them and make sure your not missing anything. Unfortunately this dosent account for those who arent getting any replies at all. I apologize to their psyche' but give them this advice, people don't know what they are missing. The number of replies you get is by no means a measure of your talent though some here use it as a means of comparison and it should not be. Keep writing, and things will take care of themselves. I always have my eyes open for new talent to take hold of me. |
||
|
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Kevin...excellent explanation and suggestions. Thank you for that. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice poem, seriously....but admit it: this whole thing is about you missing me.... |
||
|
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
*blink blink* Is that... is that... no, it can't be... Dude!!! He's alive after all! *leaves quietly*Forever and beyond |
||
|
quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i'm not sure if i'm the only one who's noticed this, but it seems that the worst offenders haven't said a word about this topic. ::ponders::  intahresting... very intahresting... ay doktah schlaivingle? /jen/ i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. [the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked] [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-11-2002 05:16 PM).] |
||
|
Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Great job............loved it...short sweet and yea....great.... ~*Ri  ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ahh I see what you're saying now, Zu. This has been raised so many times before and then it goes back to the way it was initially. Call it a cycle if you will. Once the newbies get off their 'I'm a SPAM-a-holic' perch they'll see the way the PIP community works. Doona stress, deary. I still love your writing. OH and LMAO@Dopeys comments. ~AF~ "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf |
||
|
PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Superb, Andrew. Smashingly done, both the signature and the poem. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
||
|
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Thank you to everyone who replied, I really appreciate it and will reply to your poems when time and their availability permits Andrew |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
