The girl i desire just got a boyfriend

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2003-01-07 07:10 PM

I have just entered my worst nightmare
Always knew there was a chance of this
Hesitated, my feelings i didn't share
Time passed on, an opportunity I miss

Heard your with someone now
The countless dreams I had of you and me
Moving on my heart won't allow
Hidden from these feelings I don't wanna be

Without you I can't feel my heart
Seizing to beat, no reason to live
Began to tear inside, now ripped apart
To be with you, the world I'd give

For now I got to sit on the side
Wishing you nothing but the best
Seeing you with him my insides died
You are different from all the rest

Maybe next time I won't wait
Will tell you exactly how I feel
Hoping us together is in our fate
Cause the way I feel about you is unreal

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2003-01-07 07:56 PM

Wow uh... first thought is that title is just like... boom this is what the poems about. I think its kind of original in that way...

It seems like you really put your feelings here, but maybe just threw the thoughts there with a rhyme scheme. Some part of me tells me you could have used more words or more detail as to how you felt and how you feel now, more vivid imagery... and not just telling the story. I can't say anything specific really, just that it seemed very simple. Still good, just simple... a good start.

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

2 posted 2003-01-07 09:03 PM

ur right this is rather simple, and i think the reason it doesn't include much detail is cause i wrote this right after i heard about it, and it took me under 5 minutes i just had to get something out, i could feel it, i do plan on writing a more detailed poem but i need to gather my thoughts for that one, this is more what u say like telling a story.

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

3 posted 2003-01-08 10:08 PM

this was a good poem to describe your feelingz i hate when the guy u like getz a boyfriend or in your case vice versa but good poem
###CATHY###

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

4 posted 2003-01-10 09:28 PM

hey,
this was good.
it really sux when the person u want to be w/ so much is w/ some1 else
it wasnt one of ur best, but like u said it took u under 5 min and u were just tryin to get it out.
~samantha~

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

jeffwillett
Member

since 2003-01-04

Posts 86
Texas, US

5 posted 2003-01-10 10:47 PM

been there done that, it sucks! nice poem

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

6 posted 2003-01-11 11:33 AM

Nice poem. it's was really good for something done under 5 minutes!
I loved the simpleness of it all. it was quiet a unique poem and it's truely one of a kind.
Good job Shady.
I hope you post again soon. this was the first i've seen of you. but you're work is really great.
thanks for sharing!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.