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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2002-09-26 03:13 AM

Voluptuous is not a word
that tastes like candy
when dancing around
in the ear canal
of mine.
Sticks and lines
are hidden behind
the nightmare
of curves
and double
digits.
And the sandpaper
resides
in my mind.
Up there - right along
his beautiful hair.

So sloppy, this new one’s not for love
as his lips caress [!slobber]
what makes me tear
glass daggers -
like that girl in Time magazine.
Ironic they take from me
some life
while others gave to me
my life.

Suckle so sweetly, innocently.
Devouring
an inner child-sized
hunger.
And the boys love them
so.
/jen/

so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-09-26 07:28 AM

Whoa, hard hitting Jen. This is really in your face material. I love the first stanza especially. It's so raw and really gives the piece a solid introduction.

Imgagery is once again wonderful. I can't find anything to pick at. You always have this uncanny knack of balancing out your pieces so they don't need any alteration. God I hate you at times.

I absolutely love your writing, deary. Terrific as per usual. Take care of you, mmmkay?

The yellow duck (*quack*) hiding in the shadows.

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

2 posted 2002-09-26 08:24 PM

*falls over* I officially hate you.

But I'll be back later to tell you why..

"you don't need one of these to let me inside of you" T.A.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-09-30 01:46 AM

This is absolutely wonderful. The way you composed the stanzas made it seem like the words were dripping down the page as I read... made everything seem thinner... hmm, how appropriate...

I love the ending, but more than that, I love the end of the very first stanza. You have a spectacular way of wording things. "Sticks and lines." Nice play on words...

I've got my eye on you, kiddo. Post more.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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