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Teen Poetry #6
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Lonely As The Moon... (Anime Fans will get the title)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Lonely As The Moon... (Anime Fans will get the title) |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York 
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Heeey! Well folks, here we've got another from that not-so-famous book/folder I keep. I wasn't going to post this, to tell the truth, but it kinda describes how I'm feeling at the moment, so I'll post it anyway. It may have a few mistakes, and it may not be the best I've done, but thats because I feel if I edit something more than a week after I write it, it loose some of it's meaning. So, other than a few spelling and punctuation mistakes, it'll be as it was when I wrote it. ***************************************************** I stare across this room, out the window at the lonely moon. Thinking of all that I want to tell you. Remembering to always be true. Fear now holds my heart, as I think of a time we were close and remeber how I tore us apart. I regret that the most. I got advice from all my friends, they want me to take the risk. Yet I'm afaid what we have will end if I tell you all any of this: Every love I ever had found their way to me somehow. I never needed anyone as bad as I seem to need you now. We're together almost everyday, always close but just as friends. Thats why it's hard for me to say I need you as more than just a friend. 'Cuz I don't know if I can keep on going as we are. It's hard for me to stand, with you so close yet so far. So please say you can forgive the past and give this lonely heart another chance. And with this finaly done at last, I leave the moon with one lonely glance. "You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!" [This message has been edited by HopelessRomanticGuy (01-03-2003 10:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Richard H. Dikeman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
This is just lovely write  And I wish your wishes come true. Eliza Simmons |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
You are an amazing writer! I understand were you are coming from, I felt that way a little while ago Mine had a happy ending and I hope yours will to! I don't think much needs to be changed you can feel your emotion woven through the whole thing and I think changing it might take some of that away. Excellent poem! Live and laugh and make sure to always have Bella Amor (beautiful love) |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
WOW! That was really really good! That just might be one of my favorites of yours. Im glad you decided to post it. Very good. You're always telling me this but it goes both ways, if ever you just need someone to vent at, Im a good listener. WinterWren |
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Smoothy Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 119The dark side of the moon |
We just can't seem to let go can we? You've got your love, I've got mine, but they haven't got us. Sad isn't it. Good one as usual. Love conquers all, so I must be in a losing battle. |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
Wow that was really sweet... I really like it. The rhyming was perfect. good job!!! |
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foreverwithyou Member
since 2002-10-20
Posts 204Wonderland |
this was really good u r a very talented writer and i enjoy reading your poemz ###CATHY### "I am who I am who I am who am I?" |
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teenpoet Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280Michigan |
It's a very identifiable poem. I kind of have felt that way before. I hope everything worked out for you. I don't know if today is a good day, or if yesterday was, or if tomorrow will be, but I'd like to think so. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
What a talented writer you are! "'Cuz I don't know if I can keep on going as we are. It's hard for me to stand, with you so close yet so far." Wonderful write, very expressive. (ahem - tell her how you feel!) Anywho, I only have one comment. The first stanza began with one rhyme scheme, and you changed the second stanza and so on. It was confusing and distracting... maybe that could be altered a bit. Wonderful poem! Truly impressed... --Marie "You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life) |
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FlyingCloud Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 151A little place inside my head |
*happens to be a bit of an anime fanatic* This poem is so beautiful, Sailormoon comes to mind when I read this. Always remember to forget |
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
First of all, very, very nice job of expressing your feelings. I only have one thing to critique: You started out rhyming every line, and then switched to rhyming every other line. That can make for an interesting contrast if you meant to do it, but somehow I don't think you did here... Keep on writing! -Lioness |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Oye... the poem that won't go away!!! lol. Nah, I'm glad you all liked it so much. I'm also glad someone saw fit to bring this out of the past, since I forgot I posted it and was going to do so again. As for the rhyme scheme, this was an attempt at toying around with alternating rhyme schemes, so it was sort of an experiment. It came out a little odd, but after toying with it for a few hours, I came to realize I wasn't making any improvement, and in some cases, made it less that it was. Also, the events that inspired this poem have long past and been resolved, albeit not in the way I'd have liked back when I wrote it (probably around summer of 2002). So it's all good now  Later!always here with you. Now stay and hold my hand and together we'll go somewhere new. ~Rich~ |
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xxshadowxx Junior Member
since 2003-05-17
Posts 43Texas |
I really liked your poem... You are very very talented! ~Carrie~ "Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me" |
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