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babyphat
New Member

since 2002-12-23

Posts 1

0 posted 2002-12-25 10:12 PM

i wish i could peel off all the words that ive ever said
just scrape off the letters that float through my head
all i ever do is paste and tape
every thought in my mind making sure they never escape
but sometimes i hate what i say or do
i just want to chissel away all the eccess amount of glue
everything seemed so right then but not anymore
i want to crumble everything up and throw it out the door
my life is a project that has been worked on for years
everythings included
my secrets thoughts and fears
i must not give up though and never regret
for this is my life story
something ill never forget

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

1 posted 2002-12-26 12:31 PM

I really like this. I can't believe it didn't get comments earlier, but let me promise you that analogy is good. I don't know that the title goes with it so much, and while I LOVE the first lines, this one:

"i want to crumble everything up and throw it out the door"

for some reason rubbed me the wrong way... of course I can only say that what automatically jumped into my head was "throw it on the floor" and you can see that's not much better... :-P... but otherwise the poem was really well written and I like it a lot, especially this:

"my life is a project that has been worked on for years
everythings included
my secrets thoughts and fears"

but you may consider commas between "secrets, thoughts, and fears", which I'm not saying is necessary as it can be read however you want, but just throwing it out there anyway.

Nice job! I love the analogy!!!

-othersideofthemirror

roxywrestlegirl04
Member

since 2002-10-29

Posts 74
good ole DINWIDDIE

2 posted 2002-12-27 02:23 AM

great job...i like the message behind this poem...good write...KEEP IT UP!!

LIZ

live,love,and die...but take RISKS..thatz what makes life worth the living, love worth the heartache,and death the new beginning!

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2002-12-27 03:19 PM

That was a very good poem, especially for a first post, I can really relate to it. Keep posting.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

4 posted 2002-12-27 05:39 PM

Welcome! This was a great first post...may I ask how long you have been writing?
With this...it was written very well and just remember..the only thing you'll regret in the end..is regretting...try and put it behind you.
I'm looking forward to reading more..I like this.
Laura

"All that I desire to point out is the general principle that Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."
-Oscar Wilde

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

5 posted 2002-12-28 01:13 AM

babyphat~
This is a wonderful first post,
and I really enjoyed reading it.
I look forward to seeing lots more from you.
Welcome to Passions.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

6 posted 2002-12-28 02:33 AM

It's been soooo long since I've been back here, I'm amazed at all the new stuff and people!!! This is a great first post and hopefully I'll be around to read more of what you have to say! Best wishes...JJ

"Tell me why you cry"

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