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rOxXbabY391
Member

since 2002-12-14

Posts 71

0 posted 2002-12-19 04:01 PM

It's like I'm pushing a rock to the top of a hill
Each time you speak
The rock falls down
Tumbling and tubling
'Till it reaches the ground
This hill of getting over you
Is one hard mountain to climb
When I get so close to the top
*I slip and fall behind
But now it's different
This time I'll make it
I'm grabbing that rock
And this time I'll take it
Straight to the top
No, I'm NOT gunna stop!
THIS time I'm gunna take it
THIS time I'm gunna make it!

:d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d :d

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right."

[This message has been edited by rOxXbabY391 (12-20-2002 04:36 PM).]

xxxnuttyangelxxx
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
New York

1 posted 2002-12-19 07:13 PM

VERRYY GOOD!!!! You seem very confident in getting over the hill this time. I liked the emotion and how you capitalized words to make them stand out in the poem. *good* the only thing I would think about changing if you want its only and idea its their for you to take or leave is this part..

"When I get so close to the top
I slip and drop the rock
Each and every time"

its seems to throw the rythem off just a little bit maybe you can try something like..

"When I get so close to the top,
I slip and fall behind"

then continue from their.. its just a thought. Otherwise this was a great poem. I enjoy reading your work!

much love,
shea

rxyfxy04
Member

since 2002-11-26

Posts 54
lil' town in Virginia

2 posted 2002-12-19 09:26 PM

i really like the flow of this peom and Espiacially the emotions that go with it!! And also it was a great metaphor!! cant wait to read more from you!!

RxyFxy04

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2002-12-19 11:47 PM

That was a very graphic poem, I could just see you sweatin to push that rock up the hill, maybe you didn't want me to see that perticular mental image, but that's just me and my warped imagination, enjoyed!

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change? -Dishwalla-

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