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LesterVisaya
Junior Member

since 2002-11-16

Posts 21

0 posted 2002-12-13 06:23 AM

Look not at my mask
but at my senses
If you keep abusing with your batterd reflection,
Then I will forever be more than you’ll ever know
I have filled this daunting emptiness
no longer shall I let you fill it with your tempting smiles
for I have no more room for eruptions in this fading heart
I am more than you’ll ever know
I am above your crap
May your childness be a haunting reminder to you to change
No longer shall I change for your aims
I wont feel hurt by you anymore
but only feel sorry for you
for what silly illusions must you have
to have poisoned yourself w/ silly illusions to step over me?
as you continuously abuses yourself with your swirling roads
I gently return to my own…
as I blend in with rest of the world’s noise
I overcomed you when I overcomed my buried desire to be just like you
I had a missing part
I finally found it,not w/in you
but within me,in my own skin

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2002-12-13 09:36 AM

Oh, the power. I love poems that involve taking a stand. Its so inspiring! Just one thing... shouldn't overcomed be overcame? Nice Write!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

2 posted 2002-12-13 09:50 AM

Might I ask what the % is for? Just curious... I liked this. The message was very important. You need no one else to flourish...it's within you alone.

Jenn

"I keep looking, looking for something more." Sara Evans

Avis
Junior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 38
Raleigh, NC, USA

3 posted 2002-12-13 02:38 PM

I can really relate to this poem because I've been there. My favorite lines were:

"no longer shall I let you fill it with your tempting smiles
for I have no more room for eruptions in this fading heart"

This poem is so true, and I'm glad to see other people standing up to the deciet that infiltrates this world. Keep Posting!

Peace and Love,
~KEV~

IM me at Tempus Vivo

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

4 posted 2002-12-13 06:30 PM

Um..I liked the poem but it would be a lot better if u checked your grammer..It always makes a piece better..I`m not worried about punctuation but like the "overcomed" "abuses"
and so on..And also there may have been a better word than "crap"...just a thought..Please dont be offended by my comments I would just really like to help you grow as a poet..

*Allison*

LesterVisaya
Junior Member

since 2002-11-16

Posts 21

5 posted 2002-12-14 04:56 AM

Sorry about the few typos..it wasnt intented,but im glad it didnt blind you from knowing the message of the poem,that we dont need to define ourselves through others..
I was just typing fast i guess,I was nervous because this poem is like showing a part of your feelings thats so personal and that you seldom want others to know,thanks again..

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