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Open Poetry #22
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Black Widow
| Open Poetry #22 |
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Black Widow |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA 
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Here is my latest entry at writersprompt.com I didn't do well on this one....the prompt was difficult to write from for me.....my entry was the result of word association. Scores and judges comments follow. Many blessings always Eno Prompt: "You have to kill your darlings." (Graham Green) Black Widow well it’s done that took awhile spring...spring...test it a bit I like it.....strong and sticky now to sit and wait a bit there I feel you a little closer I’ll get you just a little more gottcha little darling.. now to wrap you up to cure take you over here to hang a bit hmmmm...have a little repair work to do there......spring...spring...good as new hmmmm...you feel different... ahhh....I know you...come lover be careful.....watch your step you’re a handsome little darling yes you are but careful now come on......come on careful little darling you’ve doing very well so far oh little lover......slowly you don’t want to piss me off almost done......careful oh oh.....you did it gotcha....poor little darling Enotneicna Submission Date: 10/01/2002 5:54:10 PM Level: 1 © 2002 by WritersPrompt.com 7.33 originality and creativity 7 appropriateness to prompt 6.67 interest level 6.67 economy of form 7.33 voice and point of view 6.67 imagery and expressiveness 6.67 balance of unity and contrast 6.67 structure, organization and flow 7 use of language, dialogue and poetic device 7 mechanics 69.01 total Interesting take on the prompt, though I think it's a bit of a stretch. You establish a pretty strong voice and POV with the structure you use but it seems to lack some emotion, probably due to the sparse language. -- barnalder A good poem, what there was of it. It could have used some more fleshing out. Nice take on the prompt, though. Keep writing. -- Hopalongscotty This is a very interesting poem. I would love to talk with you further about it, and you can tell me more about your symbolism and such than what I've already grasped. Maybe after this competition is over you could post to the forum an author's commentary on it? I would like to read something like that. Very good work. The only thing I found was lacking really was some punctuation. You had an interesting stance on your stanzas. :-) -- RainShadow Words are my medicine. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sharon Lee Wilcox (Enotneicna) - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Interesting. What are the score ranges? 1-10? Are the judges aspiring poets or poets of some renown/experience/publication? I'm not asking because I disagree with their comments, especially the one that mentions the desire to have it fleshed out a bit more. Your subject invites more explicit, though perhaps more morbid, information. Of course the title in itself is quite morbid and with all I'm reading in the paper lately, it's much too close to the reality of some people.I'm glad you chose the black widow to address the prompt, anything of human inclusion, I'd not wanted to read. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA |
Vas......yes the score ranges are 1-10. I had a hard time writing anything for this prompt...didn't like it at all thanks for reading and commenting Many blessings Always Eno Words are my medicine. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Eno, I enjoy the sinister wit and hurt of this poem. Do the judges know yr excerpting their words on this site? E-mail me, k? b_squirrel@hotmail.com |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Very interesting write Cold hands means a warm heart |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Gee. I think you should pat yourself on the back. Very interesting. I liked this. And, definitely, I doubt I could do this. Thanks for posting it.  Pat without surrender, be on good terms with all persons... |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA |
VAS.....forgot to tell you the judges are other members like myself. bsquirrel.....thanks, and I will email you. Loner......thanks Pat.....thanks Many blessings to you all always Eno Words are my medicine. |
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