Do I love You? (Serenity's pitch a fit challenge)

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-10-03 04:55 PM

You sculpted my heart to explode.
You fashioned my limbs
out of lengthy bone.

Do I love You?

You left my endurance unsure.
You pounded me, ocean,
from shore to shore.

Do I love You?

I left water on sill,
so You (I was child)
could deny vinegar.

(the sponges still speak;
they still signify)

I left foment
a box
in Your care.

(fury
was there)

Do I love You?

I still share.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-10-03 04:59 PM

ah.. fit with biblical references as well as a personal feel. Mikey..you pitch a fit well!!

Good stuff my friend... like the image of water and vinegar... fits the mood well I think

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

2 posted 2002-10-03 04:59 PM

Pitch a fit, indeed. I love you, baby. And you weren't the only one god designed to die young. :P I've got cancer and heart problems on both sides of my family. No one's died of natural causes yet. Um, eep?

Let's hope we both beat out genetics, k?

Lovely.

Gotta go.

your tongue's like poison
so swollen it fills up my mouth

rs

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-10-03 05:03 PM

Written by a sword in protest of its tempering? (wickedly grinning)

Thank you Mikey--the very definition of the undefinable...that silent longing and noisy celebration in silence of the soul.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

4 posted 2002-10-03 05:05 PM

Ron,
This whole poem is personal. So let's review it.

The first stanza is about being born with Marfan's Syndrome.

The second stanza is about moving from place to place to place.

The third, the one that jumped out at ya, has a story to it. Every Easter, my mom would play Jesus Christ Superstar while I was growing up. The first listening of this album (on vinyl, no less) was so traumatic to me, I wanted to help Jesus, so I left a Tupperware cup of water on the sill all night. It was still there in the morning, undrunk.

And then, well, the poem goes on from there.

Lori, *kiss* We'll live as long as we're supposed to. At least we've got each other.

Oh, and one more thing that inspired this poem.

I saw Train de Vie recently, a French movie that also inspired, in part, Impressionen Unter Wasser. Anyway, one of the characters questions if we love God beyond selfish reasons -- saying that no asks how His day was or anything, just me me me me me.

I see a lot of truth in that. So this poem tried to ask that question, independent of the stanzas.

Enough of my jabber. Thanks for readin', both of ya.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2002-10-03 05:06 PM

Great stuff here Mikey!!
Challenge well met I would say!
~Hugs~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-10-03 05:07 PM

Sen,
Even your response is a better poem
than I have crafted here.

Thanks for your friendship,
and your mind.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-10-03 05:07 PM

Thank you, Nancy.

This could have gone into Spiritual, I guess. Oh well.

Glad you enjoyed!

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

8 posted 2002-10-03 05:25 PM

This is a great write....enjoyed...lotta thought went into this bud...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

9 posted 2002-10-03 05:52 PM

Cool explanation..all the pieces fit when you explain it.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-10-04 11:49 AM

Thank you, Toe. And thanks again, Ron.

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