Untitled Love Poem - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #22

Untitled Love Poem

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

0 posted 2002-09-16 12:21 PM

She sat at the table
No sign of her date
Alone in the city of
Sidewalks, cold as slate

She left the posh restaurant
Sad, feeling rather dejected
Entering the small, quiet home
From the player a movie was ejected

Putting in another video
She watched the silly romance
Tears rolled down as she knew
Her love life had no chance

She awoke and left the 'partment
Heading off to her work
Still saddened by last night
On her face a sardonic smirk

A new co-worker asked for help
But their eyes quickly caught
Smiling sincerely, she gladly replied
No longer love was it she sought

----------------------------------------------------

In case it isn't obvious enough, love poems are not my forte! Actually, most of the stuff that I'm really good at I can't post because...well, it's a bit much, to put it mildly. Anyway, I was posting this one in hopes that someone would give me a bit of advice as to how to write better non-dark stuff. Thanks!!
Ja.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

1 posted 2002-09-16 12:55 PM

D edgar Grey - I don't see anything wrong with this tale of romance. A story well told... Liked it... Keep on writing the romance ones...

BC

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-09-16 03:10 PM

Very romantic. I loved it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

3 posted 2002-09-16 04:38 PM

I believe you did well and am sure many can relate to this piece.

arthur
Senior Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 678
england

4 posted 2002-09-16 04:53 PM

ok so its not keats
but it is your vision and thank you for sharing
I find the best ones come if i dont think to hard and just let the mind wander
keep a little book to hand so you can jot down any sudden bright ideas
regards
arthur

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2002-09-17 10:07 PM

Very nice...James

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