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jytree
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 336
omaha ark usa

0 posted 2002-08-16 10:58 PM

I hear a voice,
Oh what a delight,
Only to see that I am being called by the light,

Show no fear,
Is what I hear,
From a voice,
so very near,

As I travel towards the light,
My heart is filled with wonderous delight,
Because I hear that voice calling once again,
For this voice is bringing me to my earthly end,

Show no fear,
Is what I hear,
For I have come to wipe away your tears,
This is what I hear for a voice so very near,

Standing at these gates I make my choice,
Should I seek the face of the voice,
Or do I turn and walk away,
With my head hung head as with pure shame,

These are mysteries I explore after death,
Then and only then shall I have no regrets,
For I shall that voice yes maybe,
And yes I do for it is a man with a pure undying love that died at calvary.

Lead me not into temptation,
I can find the way there mysel

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2002-08-17 01:39 AM

Very nice jytree, although the last two stanzas appear to have some words missing or something. I got a little confused, though the main message of your poem comes through well. Have you done editing on this board yet? I'd sure like to see the word/s that are missing put in.

Anyway, to the top for another run.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2002-08-17 07:18 AM

Yea I have to agree with Virginia......point well established....probably just a few words missing....Nicely done!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2002-08-17 08:12 AM

Yes, jytree...the last couple of lines either need the insert of the missing words, OR...

some...ellipses...to show or indicate...a break in thought...

to what is a lovely, lovely poem! Thank you!

jytree
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 336
omaha ark usa

4 posted 2002-08-17 05:43 PM

Yea when I was writing this out and I got to this last lines I guess I didn't break thought very much thanks for pointing is out

Lead me not into temptation,
I can find the way there mysel

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