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Open Poetry #22
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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704


0 posted 2002-09-05 01:10 AM


a broken shell
and after turning
it around in cold fingers
you handed it to me
and forgot
I hold the sharp, smooth damage sometimes
a piece of love, carelessly given
on the shore

it’s you, the white house overlooking waves
and the seaweed I itched to wear
this pale shell-story tells me – you and clouds
the waters of the bay moving slow
island shadows

and it hurt sometimes
to curl myself so close to your skin
looking in sea-sky eyes
sharing breath, knowing
I’d have to miss you
again

hurt in the quiet way
the autumn hurts when life
fades in drifts
and the placid ocean
mocks, the distancer

–shell skin and
love, I can nearly recall the
feel of your face under
my faith




© Copyright 2002 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

1 posted 2002-09-05 01:11 AM


You words are beautiful and sea-tossed,
Severn.

Mikey

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2002-09-05 01:21 AM


This is a beauty, Severn.
Seems I don't get to read you, all that much.
Glad I caught this one.

~wranx

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".      

~wranx~

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

3 posted 2002-09-05 01:28 AM


and it hurt sometimes
to curl myself so close to your skin
looking in sea-sky eyes
sharing breath, knowing
I’d have to miss you
again

hurt in the quiet way
the autumn hurts when life
fades in drifts
and the placid ocean
mocks, the distancer

–shell skin and
love, I can nearly recall the
feel of your face under
my faith

Honestly, this is one of the most powerful poems I've read.  Yet...laid open.  That last verse is incredible.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

4 posted 2002-09-05 01:37 AM


Hi there Ms Butterfly....

these are my favourite lines...
–shell skin and
love, I can nearly recall the
feel of your face under
my faith


absolutely beautiful m'dear

Mmy.



Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
5 posted 2002-09-05 04:15 AM


"shell - comma - skin - comma - and love."

Either that, or break the line after "shell," since it reads more like "shell-skin." (Which, I must say, is really cool, just not apropos in context.)

To forget a shell - this is nothing, of little import. It is the reason for giving the shell which is important to remember.

Careless though... I smiled at that. For what wasn't, in at least some small way, careless there on the shores above Whitianga, where time nearly stopped and we were able to pretend for a short time that it might remain forever so?

Back to the shell, one I [now] remember giving (with a smile and a joke in all likelihood), but honestly don't recall in and of itself. I presume it has some flaw in it (damage), which is certainly appropriate... in more than one way. Yet there is still beauty there, and memory, loss, hope, and so much that it prompted you to write of it. It is a good shell, hold on to it. *smile*

"sea-sky eyes" - oooh, that rocks! Can I use it? pleeeeeeease? (and, while I most definitely appreciate and even "awwwed" over this line - HAH! I have BLUE eyes, and yooooouuuu like them!!! neener-neener... sigh)

Maree most definitely grabbed the best stanza. And ending more powerful and more appropriate (to poem and personal) I can barely imagine.

A wonderful poem you, full of terse phrasing, vivid imagery, and no periods/fullstops (grumble). I would like it even were the subject unfamiliar, as I think it is one of those few pieces which speaks to the longing in everyone. It certainly did to me.

Thank you MG for the pull in your direction. I only wish I had that ocean nearby, so that, perhaps, we could garner more shells for your window sill.

Me

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
6 posted 2002-09-05 06:14 AM


and it hurt sometimes
to curl myself so close to your skin
looking in sea-sky eyes
sharing breath, knowing
I’d have to miss you
again

hurt in the quiet way
the autumn hurts when life
fades in drifts
and the placid ocean
mocks, the distancer
------------

I really loved this part... though the entire poem rocks... your way of putting thoughts into words and words onto paper have their captivating magic... and this one is one of the prime examples...

I guess you gathered, I liked this very much...

Thanks Kamla, for showcasing your work here, so hungry readers like me can devour the beauty that exists in your writing...

Regards,
Sudhir


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2002-09-05 06:45 AM



A private, most quiet glimpse into a private, most quiet sharing...

you drew a picture...

we who have known you for a period of time, saw the stops and starts,

those who are just discovering you,
see beauty...

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2002-09-05 08:04 AM




(smiles) Yes, yes, and may those others discover the special person inside of you and find that special shore! (big hugggssssss) This is lovely, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

9 posted 2002-09-05 08:27 AM


Ah heck....if you don't, you should know how I feel about your writing...always a treat to read and ponder the things you share..good to read you again.

If I had more time I would ask about a few things in the poem....but then again it stands so well as it is written.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2002-09-05 08:54 AM


we have a beach close so I don't miss it too much, but this poem made me want to go down now
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
11 posted 2002-09-05 10:55 AM


Kamla

A broken shell, a vulnerable and fragile beauty, made special by place and time and one who gifted it, without even knowing the a gift is special.

The message of the poem...the last line made amazing!  Remembering a line that you replied to my poem...ah..like reading razor wire I think you said.  Yours is like reading something private, vulnerable and hurt with love.  

So good to see you posting, ya know...very very good! Huggles!


Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
12 posted 2002-09-05 12:40 PM


Wow!  A killer finale!
I love your work ... just wish more happiness for you

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

RMW
Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424

13 posted 2002-09-05 01:55 PM


Severn,

Nicely done, as always. I especially liked the pace of: "the waters of the bay moving slow..."  Again, a fine poem. Bob

Dulcinea
Senior Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 774
IN
14 posted 2002-09-05 02:02 PM


I enjoyed these snapshot images very much and the way you wove them into such an inspiring painting of life and love...very nice!
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
15 posted 2002-09-05 05:37 PM


Nobody colours emotion quite as well as you Tigger. Reading you is like breathing poetry.
hugs
J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

[This message has been edited by Jamie (09-06-2002 06:17 PM).]

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2002-09-05 07:52 PM


Sheer poetry! Simply superb! After reading your words, mine fail me!

Linda

WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

17 posted 2002-09-05 09:52 PM


Beautiful...

Enjoyed very much.

DeaDiAmore

Auguste
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Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
18 posted 2002-09-06 11:45 PM


Kamla, you know I can't say this is anything but lovely.  Sure wish I could write like you do.  To the top with this one so more can enjoy.

The stars will shine when I am gone,
the earth will turn on as before,
the gulls, still race along the shore,
the morning star, still kiss the dawn

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
19 posted 2002-09-07 12:43 PM


hurt in the quiet way
the autumn hurts when life
fades in drifts
and the placid ocean
mocks, the distancer

So quietly and understatedly beautiful, Kamla.
~ hugs from a chipmunk

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

20 posted 2002-09-07 10:10 AM


Thank you all so much...just to let you know I'll be back with personal replies in the next day or so..hugs

K

Moonlight Romeo
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Senior Member
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982
The heart of you
21 posted 2002-09-10 09:57 AM


It is wonderful to read poetry.  This is why, a look into the shell, and I don't even have to shake it to hear it.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks?  It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
22 posted 2002-09-10 10:03 AM


enjoyed
Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
23 posted 2002-09-10 11:13 AM


K,

this was awesome, both in imagery and in its message...as always your words are both thought provoking and amazing...you leave me wondering lots of things most times after reading your work, because each time i read it, i get a different spin on it and meaning, which I'm sure is a good thing
This is just beautiful!

Take care
Amy

"if irish eyes are smiling...they are probably up to something" :)

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

24 posted 2002-09-20 09:36 AM


and it hurt sometimes
to curl myself so close to your skin
looking in sea-sky eyes
sharing breath, knowing
I’d have to miss you
again

hurt in the quiet way
the (that?) autumn hurts when life
fades in drifts
and the placid ocean
mocks, the distancer

–shell skin and
love, I can nearly recall the
feel of your face under
my faith


Nearly recalling the feel of your face under my faith... an interesting image and phrase that leaves me pndering a couple fo ideas...and with an indisght into the depths perhaps that a part of you...


I had to come back to this...and needed to read again the ending lines to make sure the words and not the moment were what captured them in my mind when I read them first..

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
25 posted 2002-09-20 11:44 AM


THis is a most wonderful post, an amazing poem and then the captivating responses. Oh, how I love the deep honesty here.
So good to see you posting, my island queen
Take care
Big hugs to you
Liz

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

26 posted 2002-09-20 11:54 AM


K,
I wanted to reply again to say I love sharp, smooth damage -- what words. Also, this poem holds a special place in my heart because I felt the same way having to leave Lori in Calgary to come back to California.

Plans are ongoing to move there, but now I have to keep pluggin' away, in hopes that a job opportunity with align itself with our need.

Take care.

Mike

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

27 posted 2002-09-20 07:09 PM


Oh...and I completely forgot to come back and give my personal replies...~wince~

what else can I do then but say - thank you once more? I'm glad this has provoked both thought, and feeling. Writing doesn't come easily to me lately...it's a soothing to see that what I can produce is capable of reaching...

Mikey - yeah, simply - it sucks doesn't it? It really bloody sucks.

K

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
28 posted 2002-09-22 11:21 PM


thank you. . . I really miss reading you. . . I hope that you'll shake up the shell really well and listen. . . you can hear. . . I know that you can. . .

take care my friend. . .

---------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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