Have You Seen Him of a Morning?

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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2002-09-03 09:46 AM

Have You Met Him of a Morning?

he just peeked his head
over the fence
looking at me
with that one bright eye

daring me to think
day’s not begun
teasing me with
his brilliance

as he peeks
through the trees
still filled
with summer leaves

his light
more gentle now
with tenderness
he glows open the morn

how soft his touch, now,
when his brilliance
at first so glaring
came tearing through the window

filled with power
zillions times greater
than man can create
he softens his hold

peeking through
a tree at me
reminding me
though filled with power

he can bring
soft warmth
to our cool world
and make pleasant our days

©September 3, 2002

I could probably eliminate some of the stanzas and make this stronger, but which ones to keep?
Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

1 posted 2002-09-03 09:51 AM

VAS - I would keep them all. This is very well done. Yes, the sun shone brightly and strong this summer - it's time for it to turn it down a notch or two. lol. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

2 posted 2002-09-03 07:39 PM

I agree...keep them all. Mister Sunny woke you well this morning.

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2002-09-03 07:43 PM

I too feel this poem is perfect as it is..
YES, what would we ever do without that
peak over the fence....BRRRR, the darkness
would certainly bring a chill quickly....

Thank you Mr. or Ms. Sun, for you give us
the life we have...

ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

4 posted 2002-09-03 08:35 PM

(in my humble opin, this is what
i would personally do with each)

Have You Met Him of a Morning?

With one bright eye
that blinks only at night
he peers
over the fence
at me

Daring me!
Think!
Teasing me!
with washed brilliance

sly views
thru lush summer trees
but a gentler light
that opens the morning glow

How softly his warmth
pushes thru curtains
Rising to the task
by brilliance of midday

Fill me with your power!
we depend on our need of you
to bring warmth to chilled earth
and make pleasant our days

[This message has been edited by ShadowRider (09-03-2002 08:48 PM).]

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2002-09-03 08:42 PM

Now, how can I add to ShadowRider's reply---I can't!

Linda

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

6 posted 2002-09-03 09:35 PM

VAS,
I would say the poet's eye is ever the harshest critic, if you wish to change it then do so, as for me the reader I could see no way of improvement.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

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