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All My Life I Had To Live A Fantasy
| Open Poetry #21 |
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All My Life I Had To Live A Fantasy |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada 
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 ~* Play Pastorale by Secret Garden *~ All My Live I Had To Live A Fantasy © Mysteria 06/09/2002 When I was young and oh so very scared, no one washed away my tears and fear. I swore that when I grew up one day, I would help others in those coming years. I was only 5 when I made one friend, I trusted her and she trusted me. In blood, we made a pact way back then that each other’s strength we'd always be. I remember she was the only one who cared. She helped me to deal with the demons in my life. No relatives helped, or offered any support or love, so I learned early to be strong in life’s strife. I knew what it was to “be seen and not heard,” I kneeled on beans until my knees were all black and blue. I would look at my Grandfather and simply smirk, saying to myself, “I know someday the devil will get you!” The devil claimed his soul many years ago. I still can’t believe at his funeral I actually cried. He tried to kill my spirit and my young soul, Funny, I actually felt sad when he died. My friend has gone as she died too, and the demons are now back in the night. those recurring nightmares of years of abuse, but she’s here in spirit helping me fight. Yes, I’m back on my own once again, And only on myself can I really depend. The fantasy in my heart sees me through for in goodness there is never an end ~ My life has always been a sort of fantasy I kept safe and held it inside my heart. I never needed to change the world, But I always craved to just do my part! I’ve offered to be an inspiration to all, Showering them with my kindness and love, Showing those I touch around me The good stuff each of us are made of. The fantasy I planted in the beginning Took to root, it flowered and grew, Now I’m not alone in making a difference It rubs off, and now there’s not just a few. As I gave out a helping hand here or there, A smile, or a few minutes of my time, Subtle changes were small, but effective Making stumbling blocks easier to climb. If you inspire your kindness and wisdom To those of misfortune, sadness or despair, Not only are they the recipients of your love, But someday when someone needs it, they’ll care. So this dreamer continues to dream of kindness as I know it has inspired sincere love abound. As I sit and look back over the years now, Not even one regret can be found. ~* You never know what a little kindness can do - it does make a huge difference *~ Art by MichaelWhelan http://www.glassonion.com/ There is nothing means more to me than my faith, my family and my friends. [This message has been edited by Mysteria (06-11-2002 05:19 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Mysteria 1997 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Nodding in deep understanding, and great admiration... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
"But someday when someone needs it they'll care." Yes sharing softness and caring can go a long way...the music is nice...James |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
A heartbreaking story with a beautiful message. Sigh... you've got a way with words girl... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
My heart breaks for the child you were... Those scars never completely fade away... they come back to itch and pain us with might have beens... and I'm sure they've hardened many a heart into bitterness. But instead of hardening, your heart grew... and you've shared compassion, not because you'd been taught to do so but because you knew how much it was needed. My admiration for the poet is immense... my respect for the woman you decided to be and became is overwhelming. *S* [This message has been edited by suthern (06-12-2002 09:04 AM).] |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy  |
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cpalmer Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977Phoenix, Az |
Loving others and helping them is the key to happiness, I believe...this is so heartfelt and a beautiful write! Hugs Cindi God is our inspiration; Words of the heart can be music to our ears |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I just have to love you, this is sad, but great. I put the rest of my reply into a poem for you.  TitiaA rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
As I gave out a helping hand here or there, A smile, or a few minutes of my time, Subtle changes were small, but effective Making stumbling blocks easier to climb This, my dear friend Sharon...is the key which opens all of life's doors...and you are the proud owner of a very well earned one. As Titia says....I too...just have to love you for this.  ~ loving hugs for strengthLyra |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You know you just have those days where you have to write it out. As you can see I don't care if it rhymes or not, as this was the way I was taught to rhyme by my Gramma, probably the only one who ever even tried to protect me. She taught me to rhyme (this way) as a child to keep my mind away from what was being done to me. I think I still rebel the "rules" and keep rhyming her way because I owe her that much respect. Well I am not trying to win a literary prize so just what is in my heart will just have to be good enough. I am rambling, but it is one of those days, and yes, I have them too  so thank you for the hugs I think I needed them today.I guess this is why Ron uses the slogan he does... A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
This is so sad. It is true, a little bit of kindness can make all the difference in the world to someone. I am glad you found someone when you were young, who you could trust. I wasn't that lucky. Thank you for sharing this. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Ah Sue, but it's not too late to try to trust someone and share past experiences with them, it really helps. I sure miss Willow, she "heard it all" and never judged, just supported how I felt. There is someone out there for everyone "who cares" and that special someone gets to be called a friend. Good luck in finding one. Oh...thank you for reading my sob story today. |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Sharon I was left a little speechless after reading this but I also felt so much of your love and kindness as always. I truly hope you are alright and wish you nothing but the love and happiness you deserve. I am indebted to you for all you have done for me and I value your friendship. Take care......Sue Suetang |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Sharon...you've lived reality, not fantasy...although life has not been kind to you at times, you've given back so much more than you've recieved from it. I'm so glad we had the chance to meet as I've seen in person what a truly incredible person you are. Smiling...keep giving, but take time to recieve too dear |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
I am so sorry for the part of your life where you had been seen and not heard, but God bless you for the talent you now have in your possession to be heard. Your words are very touching. Hugs. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Sharon, you have shown me a part of your inner self....A very sensitive but caring part of you... Gold bless you and give you the happiness you deserve so that you may share it with the world as you do now... Thank You, Barry |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Sharon, I have found that no matter how bad things are for me, if I can just show one person kindness, it helps me to feel better. You, dear heart are a very caring and loving person, and we are so grateful that you are a part of this family!! Hugs.  I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~~(Garth) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
...and now you are doing so much to help out those poor people trying to sell their things on E-Bay... |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
*Hugs* Sharon your sunshine shows. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You are all really very kind, and now that I read this it sure looks like I was looking for sympathy and I bet I was too. Sometimes you just have to purge I guess, and this is only just a spec of dust in the desert of wrongdoing of my childhood I will never forget. So...thanks for your caring comments, and in a way, you have cared for yourself in doing that. As for you Michael...  You better believe it, I am helping them a little too much!  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sharon You are lovely...never doubt, and we are blessed here to know you! Hugs for the parts of you I see in me, and the places you have gone to be free. |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Dear Sharon, Thank you for sharing part of your soul with us. I am glad you did. I went through much of what you wrote in my youth and again, it was my grandmother who was my protecter... clashing often with a belligerant step-father. We have since made our peace. As I was visiting my mother in Toronto with my son, roughly 1 year old (he is turning 12 now!!) he came over and told me that he and his father had just reunited after a 30 year estrangement caused by the very same abusive behavour inflicted on him... as his parents did and so on back 5-6 generations. To make a long story even longer, his father had just recently been diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer and had roughly a year to live, and my step father took him in to live the remainder of his days with him. He told me that he saw a strength in me that he could not find in himself and that I could be the generation to break that long cycle of abuse. I wish for you the same healing that forgiveness brings each of us. I am so glad that you decided that your tragic childhood would only inspire you to move in a positive direction to effect change in others' lives and we are all fortunate to have you here at Passions. Be forever the optimist. The path you have chosen is an inspiriation!!!. P.s. the poem was quite well done too.  Love, Light and Peace, Sherry Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Ah Mysteria! You are certainly a poet with a gentle loving heart......This is a wonderfully done poetic autobiography.....I sympathize with your life struggles but I'm also selfish enough to want you around so I can feel the empathetic kindness of your open words of heart......Sorry if I'm that way but I feed off such kindness...I do try and return kindness for kindness though! I know your friend's spirit lives on in you .....Your fantasy is very strong but harmless to yourself and others, it's a good fantasy and I didn't miss the point either....I'll always wish you the best! Eric |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You're a GIVER - with NO regrets... That means success in my book.. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Sharon, this is fabulous! Your kindness radiates through out these blue pages and beyond Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
..I admire your strength and courage..a sad story very well told here. ~Hugs~ |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Thank you everyone I appreciate the kindness of these walls, and to Sherry, yes you were the link and isn't it a good feeling . Again, thanks for putting up with a purge. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Sharon- You reach out...you touch...and it does make a difference. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (06-18-2002 05:24 AM).] |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Sharon - since coming to this beautiful blue home, you are one of the poets that I love to read and always go to first. It took a tremendous amount of courage to write this, I'm sure. Your words are always so inspiring and your love of life and nature never ceases. Thank you for sharing a time with us that was so dark. Thankfully, a brilliant light shines forth from you. |
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