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Open Poetry #21
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The Pregnant Sky
| Open Poetry #21 |
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The Pregnant Sky |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Rewrite: The Pregnant Sky Look at the lie of membrane clouds Hear, the cries in reign of loud Whimpering thunder, roaring pain, The berthing of the haw of rain. Flashes in the factors grey, The angst of the actors play The swelling of the swollen girth And the deluge, of the berth. When rain swarms down in a broil A feeding frenzy drowns the soil And fury bright in blinding flash Lights the hunger of maw and gnash. Listen again, the pregnant skies The mellow of its lullabies The tender of the loving bare, A mothers breast in tender care. And here I leer in wonders awe The furors soar of rain in pour. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Neeraja Senior Member
since 2002-06-22
Posts 812The Netherlands |
I love those clouds... with their promise of rain... and even thunderstorms... your poem is as beautiful as those clouds can be!!! Neeraja |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You know...if I ever need inspire... reading you is where I'm sure to find it... you've the artists' eye, my friend, that, and much, much more... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
the belly of a heavy cloud-- dark with omen's circumstance ripples kick within--without-- feet demanding chance of dance... (ooops...y'inspired ME!  )morning love...raising my mug t'ya!  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Look at the lie of membrane clouds Hear, the cries in reign of loud Whimpering thunder, roaring pain, The berthing of the haw of rain. Flashes in the factors grey, The angst of the actors play The swelling of the swollen girth And the deluge, of the berth. ===================================== Listen again, the pregnant skies The mellow of its lullabies The tender of the loving bare, A mothers breast in tender care. =================================== Oh how I love when your rhymes rain down on me Look at the inner rhymes and imagery in this gem of pen...then look at the personification and metaphor analogy--the extended metaphor of theme and title that you wrote out to poetic perfection with your word play ... very cool me Stinkylove... and very timely as they were talking about Hurricane season this morn on the news. Tell Randy to be ready *ww*    If all the tear drops went to heaven |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Such is the awe of His gift to us....in the cleansing rains that bring life to our earth.... Beautifully expressed my friend....as you always do... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Seymour~ So imagery-laden it would cause me to reach for the nearest bumpershoot ... or search for Noah's Ark plans ... AGAIN~  Wonderful, wonderful my friend~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
This is awesome! YOU are an amazing writer my friend! ~Morning hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
lovely, Sy!  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Neeraja, Thank you friend. Sunshine, Love you Serenity, Love the ooops. JM, Your praise has lifted me to the sky, now I am a butterfly. WWRS Magnus, Thank you my friend. Marge, Love, hugs and kisses. Enchantress, Morning and hugs back. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
doreen, Thank you for the lovely, |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Excellent poem, Very strong images. Sandra |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sy Bring on the rain! This was wonderful! |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Like it much! I do have one question, for my own understanding...is it a typo "berth" or am I to try for a metaphorical meaning? Literal will be easy, and therefore, you would mean 'birth', but metaphorical, not impossible, but tougher this early in my morning. Please help.  Tax my brain if you must, put please help me out of this dust.Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Wow!!! This is just artistically beautiful, sweet friend, I love it, this is pregnant with pure beauty and aspiration, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Seymour, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
This is so perfectly done, Sy... I think its just got to be your best one yet. I just love your metaphor of the sky being pregnant with the rain... and your wording and rhyme..was, as always, just perfect. ~ rainy hugsLyra |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Marte, I'll send a little. Sandra, Thank you sweet. VAS, A metaphorical meaning, "berth" as in inhabit. Thank you for the read. Noah, Thank you for the read, Lyra, Love ya, |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Seymour darling heart This is simply one of the best I’ve seen in a long time. I truly don’t get here enough at the moment but there is only so much time in the day. I’m glad I didn’t get to miss this utter beauty it is extremely special the writing is perfect and again you have written pure gold. This is simply exquisite writing, YOU are an inspiration to me and your writing I utterly adore, I always have done so, it holds such quality. Always the reader can see the picture, and when you paint a picture YOU really paint it, you are simply amazing. Beautiful work really beautiful. Positively wonderful darling absolutely perfect I love it utterly utterly.   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Marsha, You must have dug to find this one. But I'm glad you did. A delightful reply. :sqeeze: |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Very nice Seymour...James |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Thank you James. |
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