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Open Poetry #21
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The Garden
| Open Poetry #21 |
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The Garden |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia 
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A kaleidescope of color Can be found amongst my blooms Exquisite fragrances are plentiful All above me they loom From pansies to petunias Many flowers are found here My feathered friends surround me Upon the fruit trees how they leer The sweet harmony of the birds In the early hours of dawn The miracle of birth As a baby bird is born The wind chimes play a tune As they're caressed by the breeze The sweet smell of jasmine Will cause many to sneeze A place of peace and tranquility Where so many come to roam I am a haven to so many A place they can call home I am in motion |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sue Tancheff - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Very true these words are Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh how beautiful Sue! I would love to visit there. ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  YAY!!! Awwwwwwwww, this made me feel so happy because I love gardens so much and jasmine and how I'd dream of seeing yours! (kiss on cheek) This is soooooo breathtaking, sweet friend, your garden must be so heavenly, I LOVE IT, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Sue: Your garden sounds like a little bit of Eden! Betty Lou Hebert |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
could we sit and have a cup of tea? exchange some stories between you and me? It sure sounds like a beautiful place thank you for sharing your words of grace. loved it Sue. Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. |
Someone asked my Mom how she grew such beautiful flowers.She said she used the two most potent plant foods in the world.Love and care. paladin |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Sue this was just so soothing and enjoyable. How I wish I could come and roam and sit in your gardens. Not only is there an array of spectacular color, there is the sweet sound of birds too! There can be no better place than in a garden. It is my vision of Heaven. Hugs, Marti "Even if life is full of thorns, I still embrace it for I know that in between those thorns, there is a rose worth all the pain." |
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R. Dean Junior Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 37Illinois--USA |
This piece would profit from the use of punctuation and complete sentences. Further comments in your text below: A kaleidescope of color Can be found amongst [among--why use archaic forms?]my blooms Exquisite fragrances are plentiful All above me they loom [inverted sentences are awkward--this is also forced rhyme...fragrances hardly loom] From pansies to petunias Many flowers are found here My feathered friends surround me [feathered friends...is cliche] Upon the fruit trees how they leer [forced rhyme] The sweet harmony of the birds In the early hours of dawn The miracle of birth As a baby bird is born The wind chimes play a tune As they're caressed by the breeze The sweet smell of jasmine Will cause many to sneeze [irrelevant to the theme of the poem] A place of peace and tranquility Where so many come to roam I am a haven to so many [tiresome repetition of "so many"...a relatively meaningless "telling" device that certainly qualifies as cliche] A place they can call home The overall feeling of this poem is one of triteness. Why not show us your own feelings about this garden |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Thanks to all of you for your comments and I'm so glad you enjoyed the tour around my garden. Take care Sue R. Dean - It is your choice to pick holes in my poem and I'm so terribly sorry that my words are far from reaching your standards but I am more than happy with what I wrote and I won't be changing a thing. Sue I am in motion |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
all poetry is expressed in only the real terms that the author feels. Can we not see all of this, at one time or another, just by looking around, forgetting humans for a moment, and paying attention to the more important inhabitants of life. Without them, we are paint without a canvas. enjoy your writing and feelings, Sue You are OKieDokie in my book. Jeff |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
What is most important....IS HOW YOU FEEL. Though this poem may not be perfectly written....It certainly comes from a person's heart, with many feelings involved in the writing and the sharing of it. If all I wrote were based upon being structured correctly....well....I guess I would be sitting here for hours...and enjoying what I do immensely less. Sue, your poetry is just fine in my book.... Yes, you can learn from some of the comments.....there are some valid points, but I would not place too much concern into the poetic correctness...Feelings carry a lot of weight in my evaluation of poetry.. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SweetSueTang~ From the garden of your lovely versing comes ANOTHER beautiful write~ As for the comments from the 'newcomer on the block' ... we'll forgive him THIS TIME ... for there is much he has to learn~ (and he WILL learn it)  HELLO NEWCOMER ... Welcome to Passions~ Did ya' notice the area that SOLICITS CRITIQUE ??? Well .... ????? In case you missed it ... (being new and all) ... this one DIDN'T solicit it~ Ya' see ... some of us write for the pure enjoyment of sharing OUR THOUGHTS poetically with others ! It's okay if you want to apologize ... you can reply more than once to a poem !  Thank you SueTang for sharing YOURS with us ! Keep doing what you do sooooooooo well~  Love ya' with great big *HUGS* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Sue... I just love your poem. Most of us don't write technically perfect poems because that wouldn't be any fun.... at least not for me, anyway. Please don't let the newcomer (R. Dean) get you down with his rather forceful critique. Maybe he should look for a website that encourages that sort of thing...and there are some of them out there. I happen to really enjoy all of your work.  ~ hugs for your wonderful writingLyra |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Sue darling heart, this is so special because YOU wrote it and all your writing is splendiferous in my book, your heart is so totally beautiful and it simply spills out onto the page I love it utterly. Sometimes and more often than not, my writing isn’t only technically imperfect it is positively untidy. I can’t go around counting syllables and straightening up this and that. If it comes out and I like it that so be it, if I don’t like it I don’t post it. Your writing is always 100% beautifully presented, the rhyme is beautiful, the flow is exquisite and as for the author you know I adore you don’t you? Mmmm of course you do. an aside to our NKOTB (new kid on the block) some of us are writers of heart, some of us are writers of words, and some and they are few and far between, combine the two effortlessly. But those who write with their hearts give us, the reader, a gift far more precious than mere poetry, they gift us with a piece of their soul. Sue is one of the most talented and sweetest souls you’ll ever likely to meet, don’t judge before you have been here a little longer Sue this is wonderful and I love it utterly utterly utterly  Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Sue, A garden I should hang out in. I don't really have allergies so bring on the beauty! And by the way, I'm glad you're not changing a thing! Seems our well intentioned newcomer mistakenly believes all posts here should be critiqued, in which case I'd be in a world of hurt and lose interest rather quickly. Courage friend...all is well. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. [This message has been edited by Larry C (07-29-2002 12:24 AM).] |
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Zinsser Senior Member
since 2001-02-27
Posts 1641Calif. |
Sue...... such a beautiful place you have created... much like your heart I would imagine ~~ Connie ~~ |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Sue, I felt it was important to reply again to this poem and the criticism you received from a newcomer. We all write differently and most of us are not looking to win a Nobel prize for poetry writing. We write from our hearts and souls and if it's not 'poetically correct' so be it. It is my firm belief, that if one doesn't have something nice to say, that someone should keep his mouth shut and walk away! Hugs, Marti "Even if life is full of thorns, I still embrace it for I know that in between those thorns, there is a rose worth all the pain." |
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Lisann Member
since 2001-01-31
Posts 350 |
Great job....You are a beautiful writer |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Suetang - I would love to be surrounded by this garden of yours. It has to be just beautiful, as you have written... BC |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Sue, I won't add much to the controversy, except to say you have always expressed yourself with an open heart..and we love you that way hugssssss M |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Sue: I am replying again to this poem as I want to add my thanks to everyone who defended your right to express yourself here without vituperative comments. You and your poem did not deserve that! Betty Lou Hebert |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Yup...a love *BUMP* If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
There's nothing more beautiful or rewarding than a garden. Whether it's the colors of flowers to bring into your home or the bounty of vegetables...I love gardening...I do most of my gardening at night, (it's my neighbor's garden)...Nice poem sweetie |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I enjoyed this very much, Sue... and think some people need to sit on a garden bench long enough to learn graciousness. *G* |
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