Slow man's land (for sen's challenge)

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-07-17 01:58 PM

The snow falls like a net
across the sea.
Swirls of silent smoke
for the face of the water.
Salt crystal attachment.
The sway of sad boats.

Though young in age,
his hands are old.
Split and calloused.
Tough tanned hooks.
He used to hold dreams that knew the time.
He used to make notes appear from that box.

Now he hoists lines from those depths.
Silver oval lights land the deck to die.
Shining from below, plumbed to rise
like a moon falling to the floor
in the sun's brine.

At night, a glass of something close.
Tasted spoon-soothed secrets.
He turns in bed, the grease of night,
and finds a slow man's land of sleep.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

1 posted 2002-07-17 01:59 PM

I love this.

I like the imagery. The expression. Everything

Cold hands means a warm heart

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2002-07-17 02:01 PM

Mike
Wonderful, mood setting photo of a man in words!

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

3 posted 2002-07-17 02:06 PM

I'm terrible.

I now have The Angler's Song stuck in my head.

Okay, I see where y' got the title, but what inspired th' rest? Definitely a new topic outta' y', but with all the ol' familiar squirrely sorrow.

I love you, even if you seem to be trying to convince me you're depressed.

And your poetry always leaves me breathless, baby. I just won't show it in public.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

4 posted 2002-07-17 02:26 PM

Been twirling this challenge around in my head...now YOU go and post this!! yeesh...now I must start the process all over again...

The death shadows you paint here are quite vivid...(my take anywho!)

nice one Mikey!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-07-17 02:34 PM

Thanks for replyin', everyone! And, more importantly, for reading this humble piece of junk.

Oh, and Lori, it's inspired from a combination of things, but mostly, from reading the message boards here at work. Since the trade magazines I work at are geared toward carpet cleaners and floor installers, you read a lot of blue-collar stories and insights.

That, and from stayin' in Gloucester that one winter.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2002-07-17 02:37 PM

(smiles) Oh Michael, this is wonderful, sweet friend, I just love your style, this is beautiful and reflects the thoughts of a man in traipse, sweet friend, this is marvelous, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

7 posted 2002-07-17 02:41 PM

junk? I think not! Hey this is incredible writing, your images are so brilliant and you set the mood....and we could see this man....that m' friend is talent!! well done....

Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal.

{on the wings of words are spirits fly...and our souls are free~me}

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

8 posted 2002-07-17 02:56 PM

I could not only see him, I was mebbe his kin.
My people are from Newfoundland, and this placed me there with those oldbeforetheirtime, drownedbeforethey'reold, Codfishermen.

~wranx

I have great faith in Humanity...It's just most of the Humans, I'm not too keen on. E.F.Rose

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

9 posted 2002-07-17 02:56 PM

Not only does this remind me of The Sea Angler (THAT'S what it's called, right? Not the Angler's song? Augh...), looking back, I realized it reminds me of a story I can't remember the name of.

I'm so helpful.

Read it as a class obligation in grade 11. It was really good, too, in the way that only a story you are convinced will be boring can be.

Basically just about an old man without a fishing license who goes fishing before the sun rises so he won't be arrested. He's getting really old, giving into arthritis, almost gets himself killed because he's out working his boat alone when he can barely even see, but he keeps at it, 'cause really, it's all he knows.

*sigh* It was so sad. And I can't even remember who wrote it! The whole thing was Canadian. From the Maratimes, but that was a given. Augh, why can't I even remember the author? Grr.

Anyway.

I'll check mail then go to sleep. This is like 1 in the morning for me, since daytime is my sleepy time.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

10 posted 2002-07-17 02:59 PM

Anvrill, PLEASE, NO NEWFY JOKES!!

(I know that you know them)

~wranx

I have great faith in Humanity...It's just most of the Humans, I'm not too keen on. E.F.Rose

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

11 posted 2002-07-17 03:20 PM

I, unlike most Canadians, lay off on the Newfies.

Mostly because Great Big Sea come from Newfoundland, and my best friend's last best friend just moved back into th' city after having spent the last three years in Newfoundland (Whoah, is THAT convoluted!), so. I think I had a point somewhere. Uh... Oh yeah.

No Newfie jokes.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

12 posted 2002-07-17 03:21 PM

BSQ, you've taken your own challenge
and turned it on a dime...

and the dime, sir, is still standing on
its edge...

it's going to be nice,
saying we knew you when....

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

13 posted 2002-07-17 03:23 PM

And I knew him even whener! Um....

Bedtime, Lori, bedtime.

Okay, I'll go take my own advice now.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

14 posted 2002-07-17 03:39 PM

Thanks, everyone.

Lori, yr cute.

And wranx, that's exactly what I was trying to get at. A lot of people who are more affluent than not romanticize the lives of people like fishermen, and woodsmen, and the like.

Meanwhile, these jobs are slowly killing them.

I'm glad you understand.

Glad you all enjoyed.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (07-17-2002 04:12 PM).]

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

15 posted 2002-07-17 05:01 PM

you are just awesome!!!!!!....

Lauren~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (07-17-2002 05:02 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

16 posted 2002-07-18 12:04 PM

I read the opening lines and had to stop a secnd...I thought (really) "POW." You just jump write in there, it's like watching someone create an image on canvas in three minutes or less. (okay..I forget the guy's name, but you KNOW what I'm talking about) oh...and geez...I hate to eavesdrop, but I DO wish you and Lori would fill me in on what the hell yer talking about sometimes!

Sometimes I read here and think? If I could take a bit of each poet here and construct a poet to my own liking--I WOULD. From you? I would steal the unique imagery--it floats, feather-like and then leaves a crater.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

17 posted 2002-07-18 01:01 AM

A picture painted to perfection with your words, Mr.Squirrel...

BTW, my late first husband's family is from Newfoundland and you sure did a great job of painting them true to life...eh!

~ grinning rodent hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

woodtic
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 87

18 posted 2002-07-18 01:08 AM

I hate the salt spray in the cracks of my hands. Though it's said that it's a healing force. It ages one in weather the sea she sets the course. We wear away in the luxury of life. While the ones who can resit in linens by the sand. Tough but sombodys got to do it.

Anvrill
Senior Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 710
in the interzone now

19 posted 2002-07-18 09:52 AM

In defense of all Canadians, I've only ever really heard anyone say "eh" (or "aboot", fr that matter) on TV shows written by Americans.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

20 posted 2002-07-18 11:42 AM

Thank you all for your kind replies. And sen, thanks for the crater/feather image and for th' challenge in th' first place!

Mr. Tired

She said burn ... together.
-TON

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