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Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

0 posted 2002-07-17 02:33 AM

as a child, for every unkindness
my mother supplied
flint polished my eyes,
innards clenched as I pulled back and fired
in self-defense

young and curious,
aimed questions at my faith
‘til my backyard
became a pile of angels

on a rock in midsummer,
her worship of nature sent flaming bullets
to the moon with song,
and the moon shot back
silver arrows
that nestled in my soft flesh
and made me weep
with exquisite sorrow

I remember
a robin, saved from the sidewalk,
& in my devoted hands,
the neck tenderly broken:

always, my love
has been too ferocious

a weapon that splits the chests of lovers
or grows until she embraces me like the fitted
walls of a foxhole and caves in

I have unfastened my heart
from under my sleeve,
sly-palmed it to holsters,
silver and cocked,
and swayed the dangerous
hips
of a cowgirl

I have
stood,
metal pressed to breast,
and leaned forward, impaling

caught the shells of lovers between my teeth
and spit

there are victims and slayers
to my history

and there is more to the metaphor
but I’d hate to confuse infatuation
with life and death,
though I’ve done it before

it seems violent,
or impulsive

to imply that explosions
and chemical propulsion
compare
to anything as sleek
and ambiguous
as love

but I am still
waiting for the
someone
who will
slip the barrel between their lips
and plead, “pull”

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (07-17-2002 05:57 AM).]

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

1 posted 2002-07-17 02:39 AM

Elizabeth,
This is so intense I am almost speechless. I did Child Protective Service work in my past. Too much of this poem I can relate to. This is just an incredible piece of work. A keeper for me...for sure. Amazing. Peace.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

2 posted 2002-07-17 02:48 AM

a different take than what was intended, i do believe... thank you, Larry, you've got me thinking...

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

3 posted 2002-07-17 04:07 AM

Well, what have we here ...?

When I saw the title of this, my first thought was "ACK!"  I was prepared to come in here and berate you soundly for it.

Then, I started reading ...

I REALLY enjoyed the poem.  Classic M: hard, cutting images, raw emotion, and a pinch of humor whether she realizes it or not.

That title still irks me, though.  Darned if I can think of how to do away with it, though, without losing something in the process ...

Thanks for a worthwhile read.  Not that I'm *surprised,* or anything ...

Linda

cherrypoptart
Member

since 2002-06-09

Posts 109
state of wordthiness

4 posted 2002-07-17 04:34 AM

I see nothing wrong with the title and the content is exceptionally well expressed ......Sometime cliche titles are the best when used in the right place.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

5 posted 2002-07-17 05:59 AM

I find this to be a remarkable write... and my remark.. "excellent"

regards,
sudhir

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

6 posted 2002-07-17 06:15 AM

Elizabeth,
Your musique de nuit embeds it's own arrow. Quick draw emotive assumptions of the Love/lust paradigm few men strong enough to decipher let alone handle, but some do exist. Make certain that shots taken aren't wasted on kevlar hearts. This was my kind of poem.

"Happy people have no history" - French Proverb

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2002-07-17 06:49 AM

Everyone had better replies, so I shall just say, thank you for the read...it awoke so much....

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

8 posted 2002-07-17 01:00 PM

Read it - WILL reply...quite possibly by email though, who knows. You know me, I'm dim, things like this take a while.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

9 posted 2002-07-17 01:02 PM

Very beautiful

Cold hands means a warm heart

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

10 posted 2002-07-18 03:48 AM

thanks to all... indis later...

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

11 posted 2002-07-18 07:39 AM

Elizabeth ... you have such an incredible talent for gripping the reader and drawing them into the depths of the emotions you portray. I wanted you to know that I follow your work, and am in awe of the powerful impact that I am readily submerged in, each time I read something from you. The visuals this piece brought to mind, simply leapt off the page ... an excellent write, with an explosive conclusion. I really enjoy your work!

Best wishes,
/Kit

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

12 posted 2002-07-18 02:45 PM

You've placed a different outlook on emotion with this...I am in awe of you purdy lady....and? thats always been rare for me...

really enjoyed you here!!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

13 posted 2002-07-18 04:23 PM

just goes to show what can happen when you take a cliche (or, what some would believe to be one) and make it your own. . .

the heart as shooter and as target. . . never has it been done like this. . . well done. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Irie
Senior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 1493
Washington State

14 posted 2002-07-18 06:24 PM

Elizabeth,

Riveting & intense! And the last stanza?........staggering!
And because I am practically speechless, that’s about all I can say, for now anyway!

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

15 posted 2002-07-18 08:39 PM

thanks for offering such a powerful poem for me to wrestle with. Kinds of took my breathe away - I think I will struggle with bit of this for a while - an excellent write - Paul

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

16 posted 2002-07-24 03:23 AM

thanks to the rest who've been here since and added their own words... I will give individual replies, because there a several here that have stirred things to say... but at the moment, it is late, so please accept my recognition of the singular persons here, and my gratitude for each.

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