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Open Poetry #21
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Grief Reigns - an attempt at free verse of sorts
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Grief Reigns - an attempt at free verse of sorts |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia 
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I would have come sooner had I known Yet the gimly eyed goblins of communication let me down again They did not pass by my sty where my wallow of guilt consumes the songs of you they did not peer through my broken windows where the splinters of glass have corrupted my vision of your dreams I have come knowing the maggots of silence will have eaten our love I view the pristine marble of your countenance untouched by pain or life and sigh in regret of lost promises in shattered dreams I would have come sooner had I known. Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown [This message has been edited by Kethry (06-28-2002 05:26 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Lynne I really liked the imagery in this one and I thought you wrote so well. Free verse works so very well for you and I'll look forward to more. Take care.....Sue Suetang |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kethry Wonderful use of language and metaphor to show feeling...so many times we wait until it is too late...sad, and very well done free verse! |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Keth beloved sister of my heart and healer of the days pain, this is incredibly use of imagery and language. Free verse might not be something you do often, but you certainly could, your natural rhythm seems to flow within this giving it such a smooth feeling. I love your writing darling heart, and this is truly awesome. I love it utterly utterly utterly    Love and warm stuff As always Mushy Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Oh Kethry, I can feel some urgency and tears in these words, sweet friend, I hope this doersn't apply to you now and that love is pure and true to your heart! (kiss on cheek) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kethry, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Keth, You paint a strong picture. Enjoyed |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
weKeth darling sister of my heart and collector of souls tears, this really is something special Sylvia Plath would be stunned by the way you have captured her trademark feel in this. Give me more I’m giving this a bump simply because, Bev de Bump was out so bumpity bump up you go As always Mushy    Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh dear Keth this is wonderful, please I want more...not too gready am I ??? I just enjoyed so much ~HUGS~ Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Thanks for the responses, I am trying a new style just to see how it fits. I would appreciate comments and critiques on this style, for I may yet cast it off unborn and unloved. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Krissy Senior Member
since 2002-02-22
Posts 556kent England |
Auntie Kethp now the second one, well the first one, but it’s second because that’s the order I read them in. Excellent writing again, your flow isn't out of alignment at all, this is so smooth, it flows beautifully. I’m not sure if you’re not actually better at writing like this than you are in your metered form, certainly this form suits your chosen mood here. The fact you can write in this style, when it is so unlike you is surely an indication of how well you write. Now you’re going to say, well she’s only saying that because of mum…….. or personal preference and actually I’m not I know quality when I see it. Wonderful absolutely wonderful writing I wub you  Love and warm stuff As always Krissy And while thy willing soul transpiers |
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andEmmamakes3 Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 66Kent |
Auntie Keth when you write whatever you write I’m amazed at how well your words are displayed along with your skill at expressing the feelings and the words. This is wonderful writing and I love it too Emma  Eternity, stands laughing at old time |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Not too shabby Lynne.....in fact, pretty darn good. excellent use of words and imagery.... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Don't be afraid to try it again! I enjoyed it! It goes to show, what can be done! |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Excellent free verse and powerful imagery, I liked. |
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