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need to be inspired
| Open Poetry #21 |
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need to be inspired |
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MidnightSon Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 312between the gutter & the stars |
"Who knows where thoughts come from...They just appear." -Lucas "Empire Records" i try to write a new verse, stare at the paper and curse. 'cause my head, it hurts, trying to think up new words. Then again, i guess things could be worse. i could always go back to painkillers and No Doz and burn up my kidneys and my trouser hose. Put some caffiene in my bones and just let me go Just let the pen flow see the sweat start to show (Oh no!) Body and Brain can't stand the exertion Can't take the pain, like a 15 year old virgin. So just let the words in... but nothing comes to mind. can't think of one thing that rhymes. So the music halts and my muse has stalled. there's no more rhymes to amuse you all. Makin sense of sentences. Rhyme dammit! i'm hellbent on this. Desperate enough to bring god in on this? answer a prayer and maybe then i'll kiss up to you. But it's up to you. i know we're just screw-ups to you. you use me like a hackey sack, it's true... don't you have some grown-ups to screw? i don't blame god for not bein' able to rhyme. i hold him responsible for my lot in life. "Lead a life of prayer and don't ever waver." Seventeen years later your parents still hate ya. This is what years of faith get ya? Parents always pissed and scars on your wrists, a clergy of hypocrites and pastors turned rapists. All this time just in search of rhyme... All these thoughts from my perverted mind... i'm building a shrine to the unsung song. Something's wrong...can't i write just one song? Has it been too long? Have i lost the edge? What's next? i guess i'm not cut out to rhyme text. Maybe they're right... i'm just a jerk-off with a pen wasting time again, trying new lines again. You just can't win. "Let it go. It's over. Nobody out there reads poems." Maybe they're wrong, and maybe i'll show 'em. I'll keep on ignorin' and i'll get where i'm goin'. and maybe... i'll write something new today. "The soul is oftentimes a battlefield where reason and judgement wage war on passion and appetite." [This message has been edited by MidnightSon (06-11-2002 05:52 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 The Midnight Son - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Yes, go write something new. |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
I know the feeling. Sometimes it takes me months to think of something new to write. Good poem here. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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MIdsummerRain Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 175St. Louis, Missouri |
"...So just let the words in... but nothing comes to mind. can't think of one thing that rhymes.." You dont need a rhyme to make this poem jump from the page; it does this well on its own; you inspire me... Empire Records one of my favorites! ~Rayne For in much wisdom is much grief & he who increases knowledge increases sorrow... Eccl. 1:18 [This message has been edited by MIdsummerRain (06-12-2002 12:54 AM).] |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I know where you're cominf from....you know the cliche..."been there....." Some super lines in this write of frustration! I appreciated the write from beginning to end.....a little autobiographical in places. Hell yes! Write something new.......God's not to blame you've just got a wire shorted out between your soul and your heart.....those bunburys can be repaired! |
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J New Member
since 2002-05-19
Posts 9UK |
"say what you mean; mean what you say." so here goes.... your poem acctually is ok. I would say it's roughness and coarseness makes me shy away from it a little, but really, it's ok... L8 "no doz"?? L11 -L13 is really good, except take out "(oh no!)" in L13 it's very, naff.  cut L15 L16 - L20 is fab L21 -23 is really good, too, it brings a little humor into it. I acctaully think you could cut the poem there and it would be fine. L24 - L38 is personal to you, and that is encouraged in poetry, but in my opinion it is too Rough, too coarse and has too much lack of respect, even if thats what you do feel. L31 -L38 is mainly your personal part, and i acctually like this, I think it would make its own poem ok. I would cut L24 - L38. L39 - L43 is good L44, L45 are ok, but maybe cut them.  L46 - 56 are good L57, L58 are fab. you know poetry doesn't have to rhyme. i liked the slight rhymes, theyre good. in regards L24 - L38 I found this; Romans 10:2,3; "I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God; but not according to accurate knowledge; for to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God" 'people may have Gods written Word but lack accurate knowledge of what it contains because they have not been taught propperly. They may feel that they are Zealous for God, but they may not be doing what he requires. Their worship is not going to please God is it??' ....... anyways i hope you dont mind my reply and crit.... take me easy.... see you around, keep well J xxx "so take this thing, make it sparkle and glow |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
So just let the words in... but nothing comes to mind. can't think of one thing that rhymes. So the music halts and my muse has stalled. there's no more rhymes to amuse you all. Makin sense of sentences. Rhyme dammit! i'm hellbent on this. Desperate enough to bring god in on this? ================================ Dont I know the feeling... my moody muse leaves me screaming at the sky and begging the muse Gods for mercy. When we need to rhyme..we NEED to rhyme Love the wit, irony and sarcasm of this... put on some Rob...he always is good for 3 am inspiration  waay cool rant and rhyme MS  write on |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Cool rant, but go and write something else anyway. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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