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Poetry Challenge!
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Bless Me Father for I Have Punned
| Poetry Challenge! |
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Bless Me Father for I Have Punned |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
I was sitting around reminiscing about the dark ages ( the early years of PIP ) when I remembered a poignantly written punny piece by Balladeer about a "Foo" bird, and thought maybe some of you were up to putting pun to poem. The usual any style any forum W/links, or post 'em here. My own meager contribution appears below. Hail Mary ( mea culpa ) Doc A man went to the flower shop for peas, not knowing of another place to look. Just why will be revealed by degrees, 'twas vegetables for dinner he would cook. The florist showed him flowers by the bunch, with each the man just slowly shook his head "Why these would hardly even do for lunch mush less the dinner I must cook instead !" And so it was the man didn't get his peas, and all because he didn't know where to look. That I should stoop so low surprises me, ( the devil made me do it by the book !) The moral of this story is, you see, you cannot see the florist for the peas. |
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| © Copyright 2008 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 Doc, you really got me with that ending! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yep, I remember the Foo bird alright...and a few other punny things. Here's one... There was a pitcher for the Cubs - Milt Famey was his name. Some people say he was the best to ever play the game. In '32 he won two dozen games with lightning throws... The Cubs went to the Series with the Yankees as their foes. The Series was magnificent - the games tied three to three. Milt pitched the first and third and fifth and won them easily. It all came down to one last game. The park shook with the sound Of 50,000 screams of joy when Famey took the mound. The truth is Milt was pretty nervous on that final day. He had a beer or ten to chase the butterflies away. He pitched each inning flawlessly and then, when he was through, He'd sit down on the bench and have another beer or two. By inning number five poor Milt was pretty well near blitzed But still he mowed the Yankees down - no walks, no runs, no hits. The final inning came at last..Milt took the mound real slow. The Cubs were leading one to zip with but three outs to go! Milt tried hard not to stagger 'neath the hot Chicago sun. He saw three batters standing at home plate instead of one! He walked five batters in a row to everyone's dismay As New York won the Series on that hot September day. Reporters asked the Yankees how it felt to win that way, To win the Series from a gift instead of stirling play. The manager called out amid the celebration ruckus, "We all think it was the beer that made Milt Famey walk us!!" . . . (if you can understand this one....you're American and old!) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Here's one about Toerag... Poor Toerag didn't have no friends. He lived his life alone He bought a huge robotics book And built himself a clone. That clone looked just like Toerag did As ugly as could be And every word that left his mouth Was pure profanity. Toerag loved to cuss a lot.. Of that you could be sure But that clone made poor Toerag look Like some poor amateur. When they went out on double-dates His mouth embarrassed Toe Until Toe made his mind up That the clone just had to go. He said, "We're going out today.. A picnic, if you will." Then took the clone up high atop Deer Rockabilly Hill. The opportunity arose... Toe pushed him to his death! The clone screamed out obscenities Until his final breath!!!! A forest ranger wandered by, Placed Toe in custody. Poor Toerag screamed out in dismay, "Why are you arresting me?!?" "No need to plead your innocence Because I saw it all. I'm placing you under arrest because You made an obscene clone fall!!" |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Midnitesun, I'm glad you enjoyed, is the little guy laughing or sick to his stomach? Doc Balladeer, It's good to see you're still in rare form. Yup and yup ( old and American ).I find it hard to believe ol' Toe is still around with all those barbs sticking out of him, although he must be getting used to it by now.Here's one for you, look out below! |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
In the spring of the year number 2008 was decided that PIP have its' own talent show. Balladeer thought " That's great I'll just set up a band," " with a talent like mine we must win, don't ya know." But ol' deer hit a snag, no musicians applied just some cattle were all that were willing to play. Though he searched all of PIP it appeared he was stuck, come the day of the show he couldn't hide his dismay. Now the cows in the band liked their practical jokes, and the day of the show they played one on ol' deer, putting glue on the chair he would use to play drums and the moral of this is a"bun"dantly clear. If you play drums like 'deer you shouldn't beat 'round the bush, for a herd in the band is worth glue on the tush ! |
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Balladino Junior Member
since 2008-03-06
Posts 18Prehistorical |
Toerag was jailed on a lovely fine spring day When birds were chirping at young green that smiled on trees He was puzzled and puzzled and had quite a rage Each time he saw the guard he read familiar gage Toe’s Clone was reprogrammed by his best friend's friend How, on the earth, poor Toe got this secret knowledge? He sat at the damp dark and thought about his bad fate He stared at the bluest sky through those iron grates It seemed that he read the ballads in pipblue pages He rarely got them for he never eyed them straight A charging moment was changing poor Toe's dull mind He whistled the guard over and talked to him as a friend “I will give all my money and my neighbor's bank You must do me a great favor of greatly kind” “After I click the reply and get a new clean sheet” Pointing at the window he calmly spoke his thought “I'll copy and paste me, from head to toes on my feet Then you need to point the little word of "submit" If I were still here after your simple deed Kindly call a gentle man named Master Ron Tell him that the service is lost or is deleted It needs to be cautiously searched and re-found It was like this when I forget to dial the pun Thank you a lot in advance and put down your gun!” [This message has been edited by Balladino (03-06-2008 05:03 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good grief, Moose! Your arms would have to be ten feet long to make that reach. I like it!  Toerag, God will get you for that...  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
The African chief, Akmalah, was the strongest chief of all. All others who opposed him in a fight were doomed to fall. All thrones of fallen victims were then stowed upon a shelf In Akmalah's grass hut...to be seen by no one but himself. The years went on....chiefs tried and failed to take Akmalah down. They lost their armies, then their heads and, finally, their crown. More thrones were then placed on the shelf...a worthy load indeed. Akmalah's strength and power helped to fill his evil greed. Another war and victory. He placed the throne up high Along with all the others, it was pleasing to his eye. It's weight surpassed what shelves can hold and so the whole thing fell Crushing him beneath the weight and sending him to Hell. There is a moral to this tale, as I'm sure you must know. A little piece of wise advice I leave before I go. Remember, as you go through life (and spare me all your moans) People who live in grass houses should never stow thrones! |
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Balladino Junior Member
since 2008-03-06
Posts 18Prehistorical |
The Foo Bird by Balladeer /main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=2&topic=000653 |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer & Toe, Thanks for the laughs guys, much appreciated. Doc |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
One thing that might make me gag Is sniffing from a garbage bag. Another is a toothless hag Who who smells en toute like her Toerag. Toe raggin' on, Jimbeaux  |
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Balladino Junior Member
since 2008-03-06
Posts 18Prehistorical |
Who, who, who was the one that loudly brags? If, I, I, I have never seen you Balla(d)rag. Coming into this kingdom with such a hubris Be advised to prepare a huge white, white, white flag ballarag: to bully , to threaten [This message has been edited by Balladino (03-11-2008 04:59 PM).] |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
haha ur right u can't go to a flourist for peas lol. ~Zach~ |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
Javert’s Store Javert was a very brilliant man With lot of imagination A retired 4-Star navy officer Has opened a store by the Norah River To sell his collections of nights and dreams That he collected through all those years In service under water But his nights were all plain black And his dreams, transparent with cracks He wanted fancy them before the sale He hired a diligent helper, Mr.Wack First they bought a celestial map And something to wrap They searched Wiki- nocturnal And get neon color of conventional They also have a custom designed And other do-it yourself kind He planed to lease his collections too With unlimited times of renew “a slice with one star topping, pay extra if you want moon But day-dream and night-mare is delivered by mail, soon after the Order! Order! Order! Always a puzzle to me |
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