My Sestina for Eor's challenge

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

0 posted 2004-02-05 03:33 PM

I'm just going to put this one in here, so I can stop torturing myself with trying this. I also put this in Open and would have linked to it, but don't know how. So here I'm putting it in here as well. Hope that's ok. Thanks.

The girl sits still looking at the floor.
She’d look anywhere to avoid her mother’s eyes.
That lost, lonely look that she always finds inside
is too much for a little girl to bare and so she clutches her hands
together and stares at the cracks and the gap
through layers and layers of thickened air.

She listens to the air
as she counts the lines along the floor
and tries to lift her eyes up to surpass the gap.
But, the air is too heavy for a little girl’s eyes
and she only lifts them up enough to reach her mother’s hands.
Even that amount of effort makes her shake, scared inside.

Her mother always lied about what was inside
her mind and filled her days with fantasies like artificial air
that they breath in and choke on and fall onto their hands.
The little girl cries as she falls onto the floor
and crawls away to escape from the sting of her mother’s eyes.
But, she forgets about the cracks and falls into the massive gap.

Her mother stands above the gap
and reaches her hands out to the girl inside.
But, the girl can’t look up into those eyes
and can only hide away below as her mother’s cries and pleadings fill the air.
Her only safety is the floor
and she stays there with her head in her hands.

She cannot bare to pull away to reach for her mother’s hands
because safety begs her not to change and not to try to close the gap.
Her mother now rests on the floor
her tears running into the hole and filling it up inside.
The little girl screams for her mother to stop the pain from her eyes
because she’s drowning down here; but her words only reach air

as her mother cries on forgetting why, but liking how the air
listens to her and carries her voice and she pushes herself up with her hands.
She wipes at her eyes
and washes her face clean from the water in the gap.
She smiles down at the beautiful lake and her reflection that shines inside
and brushing off the dust, wonders at her behavior lying on a floor.

The mother’s heels click across the floor and she focuses her eyes
on all the happy thoughts inside her head swinging her hands
and leaving behind the water-filled gap as her laughter fills the air.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

1 posted 2004-02-05 04:51 PM

very nice, i liked this. i know this form is hard, it really makes you cringe and get frustraited...but you did a much better job than i did..

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

2 posted 2004-02-05 05:27 PM

you packed plenty of emotion into this!
really good job!

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

3 posted 2004-02-06 08:41 AM

Thank you guys!

And I doubt it Eor.. you need to put your's on here!

I can't wait to read it.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

4 posted 2004-02-07 02:48 AM

hmmmm...maybe...

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.