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brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

0 posted 2001-07-18 01:27 PM

OK here is something that popped into my head,
It is kind of evil. Select your favourite poem that you wrote (i know impossible challenge already)
post it on this thread and the next person who replies to this thread has to re write you poem
still keeping the same tone and subject matter. It does not have to be in the same style.

I DON'T want to see the swapping around of lines. Oh no, it has to be written in your words.
You can post the results in Open with the poet's original poem and your take on it. If it helps talk to the poet about what they were trying to achieve with their poem.

Not as easy as it seems, and I am going to attempt this even if my muse is on strike.

============
Ok here is one of my favourite's
so I will rewrite the next poem that is on the thread and they can re write this. Good luck to you.
============

Whiling away

Here I sit and often stand,
following that day
I was spewed from the mother carriage.
Well I popped out screaming
"take me back I demand!"
but they just cut the anchor
and let me float out along the tracks
resting there in a jam,
to wait out the delay
between stops;
that elongated jump from womb to tomb.
Now I wonder should I take time
to dance out in the mortal coil,
to consume and feed the evanescent flames
and in the lingering dusk
plant my fake creation for end conquest?

Sure my friend, it isn't all storms
some rainbows have fallen upon my path.
I got the Heavens for repose,
hunger starves in earthen murmurs
as I gaze on the jewel of woman.
I lament for moths,
as I do for the people falling
idly into the path of destructive trains
and evaporating in the pits,
that is why I stay behind the yellow line,
never daring to venture off the platform.
From this vantage events unfold
as a tapestry of sun,
everything is all up in the air
where my feet would chose to walk.

No destination or key frame
in hand, inspecting with dried eyes
and shut mouth: this cavity makes
a fine nest, it swallows me whole,
dragging me deeper,
it does seem that even in static
there is motion. For though
I dare not advance
I can not hold fort in one place.
Something drags me deeper within,
down my rabbit hole
Recessing,
Recessing more…
I think I have missed my connection….

"Here I am in prison,here I am with a ball and chain There is whiskey in the jar-o" Traditional irish song.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

1 posted 2001-07-19 01:05 PM

Yours is too darn long for me

~*~
clouds forming darkly
lightning strikes while thunder rolls
rain falling earthward
~*~
trees offer branches
welcoming life giving rain
nourishment embraced
~*~
leaves spin with the breeze
frolicking in aftermath
clouds lift and sun shines

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.
Philip Sidney (1554-1586) Loving in Truth

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

2 posted 2001-07-19 01:29 PM

Interloper you don't have to keep the leght just the content.

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

3 posted 2001-07-20 11:02 PM

I'll gladly take the Haiku.... heh
Not saying I will do them justice but at least it won't require lots of typing.
Now--My favourite? I think that is the hardest part..lol-- but here is one anyway.
---------------------------------------------

Dreamsong

Largos

   Your ariose voice
                  is cabled
and wears the sound of  the sea
   Each thought arrives
                    before you
rebreathe the last whisper
   A seductress calling me
                          from sleep
with words  gently
   disappearing into
              my fantasy
reborn into a nautical dream
   where a musical ship
                      must ferry
your words to me in song.

   No journey of ease in
             tranquil leisure
a bond of harmony
   is formed with
           the shore.
   There are no mermaids
                    riding  waves
to kiss drowning sailors
   so hymns are offered
               to lighthouses
that answer  in steady bright beats

   Each note is
      a promise
of hope  that endures
   within each song
   as  yet unwritten
every dream left unscored.
   I frown as
    I wonder
if a deafened Beethoven
   was cursed with
        silent dreams
or maybe in blessed sleep
   he found his salvation
                               not in
sawing legs from pianos
   but through walking meadows
                                   in the night
accompanied by his pastoral sixth

   It's easy to
          dream
with my eyes closed
   I can taste the
    distant winds
that sweeten  austere sails.
   with a lingering scent
               freshly missed
and unmistakably yours
   I can hear you
          calling me
and should feel your breath
   It’s  very absence
           awakens me
to find your voice again cabled
   thickly whispering goodnights
                                    and regrets
It is your time now to dream

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2001-07-21 05:00 AM

Jamie, oh I like your poem alot nice stuff
if I could get my muse out of this rut I may even attempt to butcher your poem.

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