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Open Poetry #20
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24-7 Clown
| Open Poetry #20 |
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24-7 Clown |
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RosePetal 
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida 
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Why do you laugh At my every single word? Are you looking out for my behalf Secretly thinking I'm a nerd? You laugh as I talk As If something's out of place Eyeing me like a hawk With a shrink-free smile on your face It's apparent that I amuse you Nothing but a 24-7 clown I guess I'll have to excuse you For depriving me of your frown It's as if your emotions are somewhat out of service Lukring deep in an ocean And my current makes you nervous Maybe you're naturally shy Looking to make a good impression Perhaps and overly happy guy? Needing an ice-breaker extension I really need to know If you're truly into me Or am I just your circus show Entertaining you daily? |
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| © Copyright 2002 Joanna - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Nice poem, Joanna. Good metaphor, well done.  ((Joanna)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Joanna....this is very good....I guess it is no more laughs time....and cut through the chase.... You have said it well! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (giggles in delight) Oh my gosh, you have told me so very much about this person at work, it must feel so very strange and I couldn't blame wondering how he must really be thinking! (kiss on lips) This is gorgeous, sweet friend, your words always delight my day, I love you so much! (kiss kiss) May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Wonderful Joanna! You tell it like it is! Enjoyed sweetie. ~Hugs~ *You got my back?*  ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
RosePetal - great write Joanna. Never would your poems or you to be laughed at... BC |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Rosey posy darling girl as always your writing portrays such depth and understanding of human nature. This is absolutely a magnificent piece from you, the power of the words and the metaphors are exquisite. Truly outstanding writing. You excel at this type of character picture painting, truly excellent writing Utterly utterly superb darling heart well done As always Mushy   To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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paladin
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930Pensacola,Fl. |
The grease paint sometimes hides the tears of a clown. paladin |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hello, I enjoyed this. I can definately relate. You've hit upon one of those universal experiences here. I do have some small suggestions, though, which you are free to disregard if you don't find them helpful... In your second line, I don't think you need both "every" and "single", as they are saying the same thing. Also, would you consider going for a more uniform rhythm? Doing so would probably improve the flow. Right now the number of beats keeps changing from stanza to stanza, making it a little awkward to read. Let me know what you think. Once again, good job. Ashley |
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RosePetal
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985South Florida |
thanks for reading, i enjoy the way ive structured it just fine. I don't encourage critique's but thanks for offering. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
hey hun *hugs* nice poem. i like how you wrote this. great poem *hugs* i would tell ya online how i like it but i am at work and only have msn  but i will talk to you for sure when i get home *hugs her tight* love ya hun jesse Another town another hotel room |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Hye Joanna  I like the write. Nicely done. I miss chatting! Hope we are able to once again soon. With us both being busy, it's hard. But we will soon.  Sincerely, Titus The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
By the way... *points at picture* That was the one I was referring to. Sincerely, Titus The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy. |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Well obviously you give this person alot of happiness ha..hopefully..i wish i could make someone laugh at everything i say ha..it must get on your nerves sometimes though..enjoyed reading Joanna...hugss ~Victoria |
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