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Open Poetry #20
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Sonnet Sweet Ether
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Sonnet Sweet Ether |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Laughter is the song that delegates this heart Humming in the subtle garden glory Haunting in the never ending story Laughter paints a picture free of worry Muses find these happy feet of play depart Dancing 'round the kettle's fury Darting 'bout the woodland furry Muses wish in wholesome scurry Lasting innocence pervades these days so tart Float or fleeting goodwill merry Fanned or found of blossoms fairy Lasting as intoxicating dreams of cherry Copyright Kkh 4/21/02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kathleen Harris - All Rights Reserved | |||
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
I like the rhyme scheme of this piece... I had to read it a couple of times to grasp the vision of it all....but it turned out just fine.... |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Oh my gosh, this is soooooo breathtaking, sweet friend, I could almost smell the cherry blossoms reading this, they are beginning to bloom all around! (kiss on cheek) May we always hold onto our innocence with joy, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kathleen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Dulcinea Senior Member
since 2001-07-22
Posts 774IN |
I found this scheme a bit forced, though there are some very good lines in here. Revamped and cut and pasted, I think you might find it will naturally ryhme with a bit more cohesiveness. The first line is a definate keeper, and I would build on that and the first line in the second stanza. Also, adding a couplet will produce a true 14 line sonnet. Nice thoughts here, just need some rounding out. *S* |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
"Lasting innocence pervades these days so tart Float or fleeting goodwill merry Fanned or found of blossoms fairy Lasting as intoxicating dreams of cherry" Always pure Innocence is only thought From a lonely soul 'tis sought All Creation lives anew To rejoice in morning dew. Come with me and you will see Only joy when you are free Let's arise into the air Apple pies and God are there. Glowing rainbows paint blue skies When our souls just realize Ev'ry thing in God is pure Don't get caught in man's allure. Rise and fly into God's sky, And then, you are always pure. Always pure. ((ThisDiamond)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
ThisDiamond - laughter is the cure, yet it seems to be so fleeing... BC |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Thank you for your insight as I tried something new and a mood that required a couplet!I enjoy the freedom to express here without the pressure and restriction of form. Laughter to all. ThisDiamond |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Yes when you have to think of djectives before nouns that tends to put a damper on my creative juices too, I like the merriment here! |
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