Left Barren (ghazal) - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #20

Left Barren (ghazal)

wornways
Member

since 2001-10-18

Posts 204
CA, USA

0 posted 2002-04-20 04:12 AM

Left Barren

Once bright homes in blossom, now dead fallen,
They lay by the spinning blade’s head fallen.

Men sweep, with mighty scythe, life from the Earth;
Our cathedral columns, tall, spread fallen.

Hewn from dawn through the blazen broad of day—
Always more, as the sun sets red, fallen.

By the grisly hand of a heartless race
Are the very hairs of Earth shred fallen.

Strong men make their living mid plunging boughs,
But their souls are, as they break bread, fallen.

Verdant pillars holding the sky at bay
Are by a terrible greed sped fallen.

Wastelands expand where mystic mist once formed,
Lush realms, where life diversely tread, fallen.

“Where went the life that flourished here?” asked One,
Wailing on the wind, a voice said, “Fallen...”

Zahhar’s last hopes with steady pace collapse,
Deep ravaged by a cutting dread, fallen.

[This message has been edited by wornways (04-20-2002 01:07 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-04-20 01:09 PM

This is an impressive write. The construction lends to the impact--it reads like a dire prophecy. Very dramatic, and well written. Excellent.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2002-04-20 09:14 PM

Your words have not fallen upon unnoticed. A good ghazal, and it is nice to see your name here again.
"Wastelands expand where mystic mist once formed,
Lush realms, where life diversely tread, fallen."
An ominous thought.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2002-04-20 09:21 PM

...Excellent!!...

wornways
Member

since 2001-10-18

Posts 204
CA, USA

4 posted 2002-04-24 02:39 AM

thank you guys. i posted this poem so i could send it to my girlfriend as a postcard, then took off camping with her.

was very pleased to see the warm comments when i came back.

i have a LOT of ghazals that i can post. maybe i'll share another one soon. been having a great time writing them and learning as much as i can about their history and cultures of origin.

thanks again.

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