notes from the ministry of love III

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mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

0 posted 2002-06-06 02:32 PM

notes from the ministry of love III

You sound confused:
wanting to leave, wanting to know, wanting to want.
I understand.  There are so many of you.
So I will tell you a story.  This is true:

There once was a man,
a man who I didn't know but yet knew
through others much like you,
who thought he should have some.
(It doesn't really matter what.  We're not counting.)

Now, others had received some,
some a little more, some a little less,
but all received something,
except him.  He received nothing.

And he thought this was not right and said so.
I only became aware of this through one.
One told me of him and what he did
and continued to do.
So I told one, knowing it was all very pointless,
that if it happened to me
I would say as much as I had received.
Which in this case was nothing.

Very clever, yes?  I thought so.
I thought, in my naïvety, that he would shut up.
And guess what?
But you already know: he didn't.
He just kept on talking.

Yes.  Every day he went on this way
talking about what he would never receive
walking with his heart on his sleeve.
And people would look
and they would stare
and then someone told him
(what I said to one)
and then he stopped talking.

But he was still walking.

So then began the game of looks.
The others:
looks that say I don't care
looks that say Don't tell me
looks that say I didn't do it
and so on

and his
which was at first hurtful, and then puzzled,
and then, finally aware, the dawning.

I am compressing this very much.
The whole thing took about a month:
from hurt, to puzzling, to sudden truth.
He was actually quite bright.
Most anyone else would have been angry,
yelled and screamed, threatened,
maybe even taken revenge,
or denied the whole thing.
Many things one can do.
But not him.  He just knew.

Finally, his doctor gave him some rest.
One month off and back again.
And then he left.

I remember seeing him shake as he walked.
Those last few days, I mean.
He walked as one would walk
through an empty teeming place.
You really have no idea
how much I hate knowing my part in that.
You couldn't.
Not just the doing; anyone could do that.
I mean the learning, so much, so suddenly,
and the pain.
All that: the knowing.

And now you say you want to leave.
I'll let you discover what it was he knew.
But I will tell you this:
that was only one small part.
To say these things don't exist
is just absurd.  I won't discuss it.
And I leave it to you to decide
issues of morality and justice.
My point is simply this:
it's done and can't be undone.

But also, and this is the difference, he never asked.
So if you want to go,
like him, I cannot stop you.
Listen to the pantomimes, the imitations,
the sudden sages of universal truth.
It's much more comforting that way:
twinkling stars, expansive skies,
ponderous suns, baleful moons,
rainbows, wishing wells,
and lots and lots of very good fakes and lies.
Why anyone would want to fake is simply beyond me;
I understand, oh yes, I certainly do,
but there are far worse things than becoming
the man who would have some.

Yes, I'll say it like it is.
What I know cannot be faked.
Because I've paid for it
with pain and separation and hate.
And not just by me, but by many.
Am I angry?  Yes.
I'm an arrogant ass,
it's not very pretty here,
and much of it is very hard to take.

So stay or go.  Do as you choose.
But leaving:

I know you know

part of me
is now a part of you.

copyright 2002

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-08-2002 10:29 AM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2002-06-06 03:47 PM

mirror man

You know I like reading you...so interesting and intense, obtuse, yet somehow some truth. Seems the future perhaps, and if I knew all the pieces I could put it together and understand...but for now...I just read and wonder (two things I do well).

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2002-06-06 03:56 PM

This is an incredible read!
I was transfixed with it, came full circle and discovered that I just love to read an arrogant ass like you. I'm going to leave now but you will be a part of me for a while at least. I wouldn't tell anyone that...Thanks, knew I couldn't count on you anymore than I can myself!

Loved it all!

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

3 posted 2002-06-06 04:27 PM

obtuse. . . hmmmmm. . . I was thinking more acute myself. . .

this ranges the mind. . . and finds thoughts that stay in the corners. . .

well done. . .

------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

4 posted 2002-06-06 06:38 PM

And now you sound like Gertrude Stein! I'm always reminded of someone when I read you...I too enjoy reading your works...no time for a critique, but honestly - I'd like to do one..er, if I remember, I will soonishly...read the 'if' lollol...

K

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2002-06-06 07:44 PM

I like this...you say a lot while saying nothing...James

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

6 posted 2002-06-06 08:56 PM

Martie -- thank you.  This is all true, I have only changed the names to protect the innocent.

ethome -- haha, I'll take that as a compliment.  LMAO.

Sven -- I haven't looked in the corners yet, but thank you for the warning.  LOL

James -- yes: some, none, one, more.  It has to sound that way.

Severn -- Gertrude Stein.  Yes, I've read her life of Picasso.  Very interesting, both of them.  And yes, you may critique; just don't expect much.  I'm more interested in content.

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-07-2002 03:27 PM).]

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

7 posted 2002-06-07 01:11 PM

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-07-2002 03:09 PM).]

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

8 posted 2002-06-10 12:19 PM

     Haha!  Have I got friends or what?  They just love "to read an arrogant ass like you"!  And here all this time I thought there was only one kind.  Haha!
     Have I got support or what?  I can't count how many times they've lifted a finger to help me.  Haha!
     If I'm an arrogant ass, it's for thinking there was ever anything behind all this crap but more crap.  Two years is enough, I think.  As for my self-esteem; not to worry.  But it would be nice, just once, to be totally pure and innocent.
     I do have to admit one thing though: this sure does range the mind.  Haha!  The story is true, by the way.

     All sarcasm aside, I happen to know there is some sincerity out there.  Believe it or not, I've actually met a lot of good people.  Thank you, Martie, for all your help and support.  And thank you, Marge, likewise.  And thank you all others who have tried without my knowledge or have even thought to try (you never know, there might be some).
     But I'm talking about the real world now, so you must excuse me while I go off to read all the poets in the Big Time.  There's a lot of it.  Fortunately, I buy all my poetry by the pound.

     I will not be responding to this work further or to any following comments.

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-11-2002 01:34 PM).]

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

9 posted 2002-06-12 11:06 AM

     I take that last line back.  This really stinks and I'm going to say what I think.
     I've spent over a year here and I can count the number of people who have acted like friends on one hand.  I write anything and I find it used, reworded, sometimes whole sentences, and turned into the most worthless crap.  Pretty, ugly, good, bad, crap is still crap.  Crap I can take, but some of it's worse than crap; some of it's outright damaging.  And not just here, but on other sites too.  I read one or two of you out there who are genuinely concerned about other people, and that's it.  Most are just concerned with themselves.  I don't mind contributing, but I will not willingly, knowingly improve lies.
     It would be one thing if poetry did nothing, but we all know that's not true.  To prove my point, look here: I talk like an ass, I even call myself an ass.  Does even one person say to me, "Ummm...do you really think you want to call yourself an ass?"  Look for yourself.  What do you see?  Do you really think I believe, or that anyone believes, that only five people read this?  Get real.  This may or may not be a place to observe technique, but the content of anything that proposes love, trust, or friendship means nothing to me.  Zero.  I guess I just expect too much.
     But that's just my opinion.  So here's something that isn't my opinion.  I have also offered my music.  I've not only posted it, but I've offered to let others use it as a background to their own work.  Does anyone take it?  Not one.  Look it up; that's not opinion, that's fact.  Maybe it's because they can't write lyrics, or maybe they can't get in the mood.  Or maybe it's because they just don't want to hear someone say, "I like the music."
     Now all music has been shut off.  It was shut off last December.  Before that time, I posted maybe 15 songs.  But during that same period, and several months before I started, there was also another poet here who posted music.  And not just 15, but nearly two hundred: I count 196.  That's 196 times she posted music with her poetry and not one person complained.  But I post 15 songs and suddenly I see a hundred poems here about the beauty of silence.  That's also not my opinion; look it up.  I'm also not the one who turned it off.  I also do not set policy.  And policy saying that music can't be posted is not a policy.  That is to put music in the same category as pornography and hate.
     You can think of me whatever you want.  But why should I value the regard of people who do these things?  The worst I've done is made a fool of myself, but that's only assuming I value the esteem of fools.  Or maybe I really am an ass.  In which case: Praise to all fools and liars.

     As for replies, I don't need someone else to tell me how it is.  And I don't need to argue my point; this is not an argument.  This is how it is.  But if anyone wants to email me, the mail button is where it always is.  And don't worry about my expectations; this time I don't expect anything.

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-13-2002 08:27 AM).]

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

10 posted 2002-06-22 09:28 PM

     To all the many innocent
     to those I do and would call friends
     I humbly apologize

     but love and hate
     will use me
     for its own selfish ends.

     You might ask yourself what's so important to them about the work, opinions, thoughts, or feelings of someone they don't even talk to.  You might ask yourself if all this would have any effect on you at all if not brought to you by them.
     You might ask yourself also why they must tell you, and why you must listen.

     I have been called a bug, a worm, an animal, a liar, a cheat, a thief, and much worse.  And on the other end, a lover, a star, a king, a paragon of perfection, a master, a seer, even an alien.
     All ridiculous.  As ridiculous as it would be if applied to any one of you.
     Everything I have given will, for good or evil, be used.  Some of it's good, some of it's bad.  But none of it deserves this crazy dichotomy I see applied to me.

     So you might ask yourself why you must listen.
     And why they are telling you.

     Fare well.

     I may or may not return.
     But this is no longer poetry.

[This message has been edited by mirror man (06-23-2002 09:33 AM).]

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