Open Poetry #20 |
Leaving the Body |
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Leaving the Body Between and out of memory we lapse Like petals in a weather-battered creek We stand upon the brink of our collapse And yet, all things about me seem unique... The waves, how soft and slowly they collide But brisk upon the rocks they roll and die The nipping frost compels those thoughts that hide Could premonition dictate you and I? Look deeply at the ever-waning sun For beauty such as that is found in you A pale and fleeting glimpse, beloved one A glimpse of growing old, like growing new I see within your cheeks the joys of mirth Of innocence untouched by thread and pin The greatest form of purity on earth Lies dampened in your soft, complected skin I see within your arms a brightened path A goal towards which all sane men would strive To sleep, perchance to see the aftermath Where fall those loves that seldom could survive I see within your lips a warm release A welcome and inviting touch of heaven To tear beneath my standing, piece by piece Evoking, not to cause to fall, but leaven I see beneath your smile a torment dark A worry of an everlasting wake My wishes are to snuff the learned spark Eternity, thou villain, I forsake And yet, amidst your eyes exists a rest Fatigue with which this bliss can mingle gaily The one that I would true consider blessed Is he who'd know their warm romances daily I know that envy be the poorer sin But pride invites my heart the glutton be You quell for me the wrath that nests within My greed is dead, I own all things I see But lust! Fair damsel, lust is such a myth Proposterous is who'd condemn my will! Your scabbard forged befriends the very smith By whose attempts my scimitar did till! And sloth! For cent'ries thousands would I doze If dreams were promised all to be of you That worlds devoid of consequence and close Were all the worries ever that we knew So envy, my beloved, seeming bright I'll place upon the walkway, where I'd stand If only for a solitary night We'd walk into the starset, hand in hand [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (05-30-2002 08:39 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
This is so well done. I especially liked the verse ...not touched by thread and pin... You have raised the bar here poet, and I remain a forever student. Thank you. ThisDiamond |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
This certainly contains a fountain of tender philosophies that are velvet sounding to the voices in the mind. Nicely done in traditional style! Smacks Shakespearean in many places. |
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icequeen Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633FL USA |
a tantalizing read all the way through..It is a wonderful work! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You have penned an epopee... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Welcome back Poet sir... Im running late and so shall return..but just wanted to say hey...and thanks for the read. Like a bad rash...I'll be back Cant stand up for fallin apart |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
enjoyed the read... jwesley |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
It is so good to read you again. Very very well done here, sir. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Between and out of memory we lapse Like petals in a weather-battered creek We stand upon the brink of our collapse And yet, all things about me seem unique... The waves, how soft and slowly they collide But brisk upon the rocks they roll and die The nipping frost compels those thoughts that hide Could premonition dictate you and I? Look deeply at the ever-waning sun For beauty such as that is found in you A pale and fleeting glimpse, beloved one A glimpse of growing old, like growing new I see within your cheeks the joys of mirth Of innocence untouched by thread and pin The greatest form of purity on earth Lies dampened in your soft, complected skin ======================================= I see within your lips a warm release A welcome and inviting touch of heaven To tear beneath my standing, piece by piece Evoking, not to cause to fall, but leaven ===================================== I know that envy be the poorer sin But pride invites my heart the glutton be You quell for me the wrath that nests within My greed is dead, I own all things I see But lust! Fair damsel, lust is such a myth Proposterous is who'd condemn my will! Your scabbard forged befriends the very smith By whose attempts my scimitar did till! ============================== So envy, my beloved, seeming bright I'll place upon the walkway, where I'd stand If only for a solitary night We'd walk into the starset, hand in hand ================================ Well this is just flat out exceptional and impressive..where does a moth begin her worship? So much too see here in this ethereal, haunting epic. As always you write light years ahead of your time..and fathoms over my mere mortal head. Your vocabulary, language, and phrasing is beyond excellent and proves just how studied and aquired you are of poetry, mix that with your born gifts...and this is what we can delightfully expect from you. Superb mix of verbiage, cadence, imagery, conflict, and emote. A complete poetic package. There are so many cool lines in this epopee ... Id love to know what was your spark of inspire that set this off. This is one to study and learn from poet sir. Good to read you again Allan...hope to see more of you here for the summer. Cant stand up for fallin apart Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you- Youll always be the one. You were the first, youll be the last [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (06-03-2002 10:16 AM).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
hmmmm...now methinks I'll keep this one for future study...y'wanna 'splain that meter thing to me, ONE MORE TIME? (I know, but I'll get it one of these days) 'Tis a beauty Allan. It's wonderful to read you again. Welcome home, m'friend! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
now this is the way that I wish I could work with meter. . . this is excellent my friend. . . you have really spoken to me with this one. . . I can feel the love and the passion in the speaker. . . I can see the light shining down on him as he speaks to his one and only love. . . the things that she does to him, the way she touches his heart. . . you've shone it very well here. . . yes, this is from a heart indeed. . . and to another heart that longs to hear more. . . well done. . . -------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
BRAVO!!! Oh Allan, I just love how you explore both sides of the relam of love and lust in these words, sweet friend, this is marvelous, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Allan, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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