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Open Poetry #20
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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2002-05-15 08:47 PM


The Reason….


you’ve only to look at one’s
hands
to see
scars of white line
from barbwire bite

normally you see
them
on those that care for land

hah along cattle

territory their boundaries

there are white line scars
on my hands, for I have
stood out in the plains

caring for land
hah’ing the cattle
fencing boundaries…

but when you look just
a wee bit farther

you see what a reach through
the tough is for

and why I did not mind…

.
.
.
.
.


© Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
1 posted 2002-05-15 08:49 PM


Most certainly a very beautiful reason for
a few white scars.....such a beautiful
flower this is...

Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
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Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2002-05-15 08:57 PM




WOW!!! This is interesting, sweet friend, I have never thought of barb-wires and territories that way, sweet friedn, you always make such simple things sound so extraordinary and larger than life, this is wonderful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2002-05-15 08:59 PM


Kari darling sister of my heart this is utterly utterly wonderful. The artwork I wonderful, but the poem is stunning. This sparseness of line has always been your trademark darling heart, but lately you are really writing with starlight. Utterly utterly perfect, as are you darling heart.

Exceptional writing, you simply get better and better, do I love it, Mmmmm YOU know I adore it. Well done again darling heart utterly utterly perfect


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2002-05-15 09:41 PM


Sometimes we have to suffer a bit of pain to see the beauty, and it was worth it for this lovely poem.

   ~ Carpe' Diem ~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2002-05-15 10:54 PM


Karilea, I most certainly would have reached through and suffered a few scars for this beauty too.  
Wonderful poem and pic.
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2002-05-15 11:00 PM


Karilea

Thank you for making it so easy for us, by taking the bite and showing us the light.

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
7 posted 2002-05-15 11:54 PM


I would have done the same think, Karilea. This is a beautiful flower.
Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
8 posted 2002-05-15 11:58 PM


I like it!

*smiles*

~Tier

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
9 posted 2002-05-16 12:43 PM


The poem and the photo go together so very well, Karilea...and both are beautiful

~lots of hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
10 posted 2002-05-16 06:17 AM


got in a knife fight once over some
funny plants with buds..
does that count?

(he he) love your work shine'

andEmmamakes3
Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 66
Kent
11 posted 2002-05-16 06:28 AM


Kari Hi there this is really good writing and I like it a whole lot. I’m not supposed to be here I promised I’d get off and let mum have her computer back. But I had to get in one reply, and this deserves it, I really do love your writing, it’s uncluttered and rather special

lots of love
Emma

Eternity, stands laughing at old time
for ages? In the grand ancestral line
Of things eternal, mounting to divine

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
12 posted 2002-05-16 11:03 AM


Wonderful writing with an interesting tie to a lovely pic

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
13 posted 2002-05-16 11:11 AM


You say that you got stuck plucking wildflowers?  Plucky write from a plucky lady.

Shenachie

Interloper
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
14 posted 2002-05-16 01:23 PM


Beautiful.

Now I know of two reasons you have barbed wire in Kansas ... the other is to buffer the wind

RMW
Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424

15 posted 2002-05-16 07:43 PM


I like this.

PS "There are some hurts that should remain,
if only as a means of comparison."

bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

16 posted 2002-05-16 07:45 PM


Karilea,
You keep writing poems about flowers and -- wait for it -- they are GOOD. I mean, really good. I remember once, for the newspaper, writing about a blind man who still tended his cacti, and his wife would have to pluck the needles from his hands when he was done. That's what this poem reminded me of.

Nice write. Here's a for you.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-16-2002 07:46 PM).]

EternitysHorizon
Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 145
Twilight's Orchestra
17 posted 2002-05-16 08:28 PM


Verbs and Metaphors
grow each in illumantion
honest touch of ALL
come before

Most visual
well said

Where rainbow touches earth
place your foot upon the light illuminating forever- EternitysHorizon
Often see, rarely touched
Rise if ye seek to see

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

18 posted 2002-05-16 08:39 PM


but when you look just
a wee bit farther

you see what a reach through
the tough is for

and why I did not mind…

Very cool...like the way you put it.

Rotts
New Member
since 2002-05-16
Posts 8
Pittburgh, Pa
19 posted 2002-05-16 11:09 PM


Howdy Sunshine...I see you asking for constructive criticism in the quote that hovers above me as I type this...but I have to confess that I'd much rather give you my constructive opinion. My opinion may not always work for you, but it's about the onliest thing that I'm an expert at and can offer wholeheartedly. With that in mind...

you’ve only to look at one’s
hands
to see
scars of white line
from barbwire bite

>>>love your opening stanza...and for this to escape nit-free from me, perhaps "line" in L4 would work better as "lined". IMO, that would make this fine stanza stand grammatically correct as prose or poetry (I like to think the two are one in the same in an ideal literary scenario).

normally you see
them
on those that care for land

>>>If you mean "hands" by the word "them" I would have to say that I had to backtrack to make the connection. Personally, I don't like to use non-specifics like "it, them, they, those" especially if the reference isn't somewhere close at hand for the reader. I would opt for using a synonym for hands if possible...maybe...

normally you see
mangled appendages (or mitts)
on those who dare
to love the land

hah along cattle

>>>"hah" as a laugh "haha"?

territory their boundaries

>>>maybe "territorial boundaries"?

there are white line scars
on my hands, for I have
stood out in the plains

>>>IMO, "On my hands" sounds a bit generic...maybe...

veining my hands
or
streaking my hands

caring for land
hah’ing the cattle
fencing boundaries…

>>>I'm trying to wonder if "hah'ing" is maybe the way some sort of southerner with a drawl would say "haying"?

but when you look just
a wee bit farther

you see what a reach through
the is for

and why I did not mind…

>>>Your last line jumps to past tense, whereas the rest of this poem takes place in the present tense....personally I like to try to write in the present tense. As a reader, it's the difference between seeing a moment and visiting a moment. I would have the last line read...

and why I don't mind.

Take or toss my ideas however you see fit...and I promise not to throw a fit if you see things another way.

Giddyup lil' dogie.

Rotts...



BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
20 posted 2002-05-17 01:19 AM


Wonderful analogy of the pain we endure, and the fact that any place worth going isn't meant to be easy...I wouldn't change a thing in this!  Nice close up of the wire and the flower on your side....
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
21 posted 2002-05-17 04:08 PM


This is beautiful, Sunshine... lovely picture and poem "purty nigh onto perfect as written." *S* But then... I've hah'd cattle... and scarred more than my hands on barb wire fences. LOL
Logan
Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641
Arkansas
22 posted 2002-05-17 07:05 PM


Very good, Sissy, and on the other side of the scars is the whatfor to do the reach..very gentle smile
Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
23 posted 2002-05-17 07:57 PM



This is just beautiful, utterly beautiful

It got to me deep, think I know exactly what you meant, being an outdoor girl myself.

love it and don't you dare change it.

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Check out my new website: lookheretitia.fcpages.com (I didn't 'link' this, so it won't take too much space).I

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