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Open Poetry #20
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The Reason....
| Open Poetry #20 |
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The Reason.... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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you’ve only to look at one’s hands to see scars of white line from barbwire bite normally you see them on those that care for land hah along cattle territory their boundaries there are white line scars on my hands, for I have stood out in the plains caring for land hah’ing the cattle fencing boundaries… but when you look just a wee bit farther you see what a reach through the tough is for and why I did not mind… . . . . .  |
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| © Copyright 2002 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Most certainly a very beautiful reason for a few white scars.....such a beautiful flower this is... |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  WOW!!! This is interesting, sweet friend, I have never thought of barb-wires and territories that way, sweet friedn, you always make such simple things sound so extraordinary and larger than life, this is wonderful, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karilea, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Kari darling sister of my heart this is utterly utterly wonderful. The artwork I wonderful, but the poem is stunning. This sparseness of line has always been your trademark darling heart, but lately you are really writing with starlight. Utterly utterly perfect, as are you darling heart. Exceptional writing, you simply get better and better, do I love it, Mmmmm YOU know I adore it. Well done again darling heart utterly utterly perfect   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Sometimes we have to suffer a bit of pain to see the beauty, and it was worth it for this lovely poem. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Karilea, I most certainly would have reached through and suffered a few scars for this beauty too. Wonderful poem and pic. ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karilea Thank you for making it so easy for us, by taking the bite and showing us the light. |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
I would have done the same think, Karilea. This is a beautiful flower. |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
I like it! *smiles* ~Tier "I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..." |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
The poem and the photo go together so very well, Karilea...and both are beautiful ~lots of hugsLyra |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
got in a knife fight once over some funny plants with buds.. does that count? (he he) love your work shine' |
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andEmmamakes3 Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 66Kent |
Kari Hi there this is really good writing and I like it a whole lot. I’m not supposed to be here I promised I’d get off and let mum have her computer back. But I had to get in one reply, and this deserves it, I really do love your writing, it’s uncluttered and rather special Emma  Eternity, stands laughing at old time |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
Wonderful writing with an interesting tie to a lovely pic |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
You say that you got stuck plucking wildflowers? Plucky write from a plucky lady. Shenachie |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Beautiful. Now I know of two reasons you have barbed wire in Kansas ... the other is to buffer the wind |
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
I like this. PS "There are some hurts that should remain, if only as a means of comparison." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Karilea, You keep writing poems about flowers and -- wait for it -- they are GOOD. I mean, really good. I remember once, for the newspaper, writing about a blind man who still tended his cacti, and his wife would have to pluck the needles from his hands when he was done. That's what this poem reminded me of. Nice write. Here's a for you.She said burn ... together. -TON [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-16-2002 07:46 PM).] |
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EternitysHorizon Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 145Twilight's Orchestra |
Verbs and Metaphors grow each in illumantion honest touch of ALL come before Most visual well said Where rainbow touches earth |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
but when you look just a wee bit farther you see what a reach through the tough is for and why I did not mind… Very cool...like the way you put it. |
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Rotts New Member
since 2002-05-16
Posts 8Pittburgh, Pa |
Howdy Sunshine...I see you asking for constructive criticism in the quote that hovers above me as I type this...but I have to confess that I'd much rather give you my constructive opinion. My opinion may not always work for you, but it's about the onliest thing that I'm an expert at and can offer wholeheartedly. With that in mind... you’ve only to look at one’s hands to see scars of white line from barbwire bite >>>love your opening stanza...and for this to escape nit-free from me, perhaps "line" in L4 would work better as "lined". IMO, that would make this fine stanza stand grammatically correct as prose or poetry (I like to think the two are one in the same in an ideal literary scenario). normally you see them on those that care for land >>>If you mean "hands" by the word "them" I would have to say that I had to backtrack to make the connection. Personally, I don't like to use non-specifics like "it, them, they, those" especially if the reference isn't somewhere close at hand for the reader. I would opt for using a synonym for hands if possible...maybe... normally you see mangled appendages (or mitts) on those who dare to love the land hah along cattle >>>"hah" as a laugh "haha"? territory their boundaries >>>maybe "territorial boundaries"? there are white line scars on my hands, for I have stood out in the plains >>>IMO, "On my hands" sounds a bit generic...maybe... veining my hands or streaking my hands caring for land hah’ing the cattle fencing boundaries… >>>I'm trying to wonder if "hah'ing" is maybe the way some sort of southerner with a drawl would say "haying"? but when you look just a wee bit farther you see what a reach through the and why I did not mind… >>>Your last line jumps to past tense, whereas the rest of this poem takes place in the present tense....personally I like to try to write in the present tense. As a reader, it's the difference between seeing a moment and visiting a moment. I would have the last line read... and why I don't mind. Take or toss my ideas however you see fit...and I promise not to throw a fit if you see things another way. Giddyup lil' dogie. Rotts... |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Wonderful analogy of the pain we endure, and the fact that any place worth going isn't meant to be easy...I wouldn't change a thing in this! Nice close up of the wire and the flower on your side.... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is beautiful, Sunshine... lovely picture and poem "purty nigh onto perfect as written." *S* But then... I've hah'd cattle... and scarred more than my hands on barb wire fences. LOL |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
Very good, Sissy, and on the other side of the scars is the whatfor to do the reach..very gentle smile |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
This is just beautiful, utterly beautiful It got to me deep, think I know exactly what you meant, being an outdoor girl myself. love it and don't you dare change it. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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