. . . a rewrite for SEA . . . Spontaneous Combustion

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Open Poetry #20

. . . a rewrite for SEA . . . Spontaneous Combustion

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

0 posted 2002-05-03 03:22 PM

please come dance with me
you will not burn by my touch
we can fan the flames

polishing buckles
friction causes heat to rise
we have combustion

’tis spontaneous
enveloping both of us
SEA won’t put it out.

and neither will I
no I will not douse this fire
interplay is nice.

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

[This message has been edited by Interloper (05-03-2002 04:30 PM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-05-03 05:52 PM

fan those flames with me
let us make my waters boil
steep until content

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2002-05-03 08:15 PM

(smiles) Ooohhhhh...this is a wonderful blazing passionate poem, sweet friend, I just love how your poems are always so short yet they explode with such intensity and inspiration! (big hugggssssss) This is a volcanic gem, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Elan
Member

since 2002-05-03

Posts 382
State of Wide Eye

3 posted 2002-05-03 09:56 PM

May I add?

embers cast shadows
the slightest flicker glowing
passion in the night

elfin_tigress
Member

since 2002-05-15

Posts 101
Someplace

4 posted 2002-05-17 08:32 PM

This is cool...or should I say hot? (sorry, I couldn't resist...)
I really like how you emphasized the importance of each stanza by making each one bigger.  Also, the italicised and caplitalized words work really well, here.  They don't distract me, because the emphasis is always in the right places.  The animated red fire added to the mood of this poem very well.  (I wish I had something like that to put in my poems!)
That last stanza was very good.  Its simplicity expresses quite a lot.  There's not much else I can say about that.
Overall (after all that babbling) I find this a very good poem!  Thanks for sharing it!

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

5 posted 2002-05-17 08:45 PM

Bob darling boy Oh my word this is wonderful it simply throbs with passion threaded through it. Utterly utterly perfect writing I love this exquisite piece of fire darling boy, its truly exquisitely hot and sensual. Wonderful

You can come and dabble in my flame anytime

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79

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