She said want - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-04-29 06:36 PM

Lazy girl as summer breath, summer storm, summer room.
She said want.

Bell-like there as winter tree, winter feast, winter steam.
She gave need.

Quiet dark as vernal moon, vernal sky, vernal skin.
She slowed ... stung.

Sleepy lulled in falling night, falling light, falling touch.
She said "Shhh."

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2002-04-29 07:19 PM

Lovely use of the seasons. Much enjoyed!

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

2 posted 2002-04-29 07:39 PM

Sleepy lulled in falling night, falling light, falling touch.
She said "Shhh."

Wonderful, Fantastic..Beautiful..Lovely..does it show I like this??

Lauren~

~Sinking fast into
an ocean of you,
what if I told you,
what if I said
that I love you
do we dare cross
that line between your
heart and mine~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-04-29 08:25 PM

Quiet dark as vernal moon, vernal sky, vernal skin.
She slowed ... stung.

Sleepy lulled in falling night, falling light, falling touch.
She said "Shhh."
=============================

ya got me sighing and falling...what a very cool write...such stark and striking vocab and imagery...the repetative words created the building need and subtle sensual ache of this..and all done with a tight succinct paring of couplets...very cool indeed poet sir.

... and I don't know why ...
Why should love come down and just sweep me away
I want to fly ... but there are so many things in my way.

J Browne

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2002-04-29 08:37 PM

this is great! It's one of those mood ones again. reminds me of a "shhhh" poem that I once wrote.

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

5 posted 2002-04-29 10:36 PM

trying to get the just of the write, like how each season is like another faze in a woman's approach to a prospective love?!Maybe I should just leave it as a seasonal approach

[This message has been edited by ecrivan (04-29-2002 10:36 PM).]

rosepetals25

Member Elite

since 2000-05-31

Posts 3076
PA

6 posted 2002-04-29 11:44 PM

bsquirrel,

I really liked this. I love the last verse, you ended it perfectly

Hugs,
Tara

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
- Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

7 posted 2002-04-30 12:00 PM

Damn, I like this! Especially the last verse.

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

8 posted 2002-04-30 02:26 AM

A magical, mystically swirling read. Loved it!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-04-30 02:29 AM

a girl after my own need! omi...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2002-04-30 02:30 AM

goddess?

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

11 posted 2002-04-30 04:34 AM

I enjoy your many styles of writing

*s
M

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

12 posted 2002-04-30 01:01 PM

Thanks, all.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

13 posted 2002-05-01 10:00 AM

Yup, a GR8 write

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

14 posted 2002-05-01 02:45 PM

Thanks, Interloper.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

15 posted 2002-05-02 12:35 PM

I liked the sound of this and the unique style of your presentation!!! Very nice~

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

16 posted 2002-05-02 12:35 PM

Thanks, Lori Anne but not Lori-Anne.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.