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River Road
| Open Poetry #25 |
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River Road |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ok Capt...the moth keeps her promise  Thanks Dunc for the starting point: /pip/Forum64/HTML/000976.html ~~~~~ River Road Jake turned off the interstate onto a narrow, dirt road that cut through a meadow of Goldenrod and Larkspur. As far as one could see, a mural of the brilliant wildflowers spread out across the horizon's canvas. Dallas sat up and leaned on the dashboard, taking in the colors like a child with a new box of crayons. Jake smiled across the seat to Jackson, both were enjoying the view of her as much as they were the sprawl of summer's scenery before them. The road led to a tree line that separated the meadow from the river bank. Trees as old as the limestone bluffs that rose up out of the red clay across the river. The Birches, Cypress and Willows stretched towards the clouds, offering shade and casting their Monet brushstroke reflections on the emerald water. More than grateful to be out of the truck and the summers heat, the three of them stretched while taking in the sights and sounds around them. Dallas kicked out of her shoes and gracefully made her way to the sandy bank. The river was low from the season's drought. Shallow, swirling, pools replaced where raging currents would again be from winter snow melts and spring rains. Dallas waded out from a sand bar into the cool jade water, pulling her cotton sun dress up around her tanned thighs. Her long legs gave the surrounding scenery stiff competition. Jake and Jackson sat at the waters edge taking in the view. She was a natural beauty, that was for sure, her raven black hair looked almost indigo blue in the sun. As she splashed in the water the two men silently admired her childlike innocence. Jake couldn't help but draw the contrast of her as she was now to the sultry woman who had set his night on fire when he met her back in town. He hadn't intended to bring her along for the ride, but couldn't deny her when she looked at him with those smoky eyes and begged over pouty lips to be taken. She needed escape and Jake needed a distraction from the things running through his head, so he let her come with them. A woman like her didn't belong in that dusty, run down town. She belonged out here with the wildflowers and butterflies. Jake knew when they left Buffalo Grove, she'd ask to stay behind. After all, she didn't fit in a cowboys world. They broke broncs and bulls and rode the white lines long after they ran out. She was a child of the sun, it was time to give her back to the sky. ~~  [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (03-01-2003 04:12 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Oh dang oh dang oh dang.... ever see the sun SMILE?  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
you done good Moth... and you answred a question I was bugging Duncan about...so now he is off the hook.. ( laughing) good stuff...and you painted the scene indeed with hopes of spring... needless to say..I enjoyed. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) Oh yes indeed, it is tike to give back the sky and moreover ride like the wind! (kiss on cheek) I love this, sweet friend, it is a delight to see you posting your gorgeous poetry more often, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Janet, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Excellent...a very enjoyable read...can I get a video of this...James |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Janet Marie, a Monet write with all the colours smudged to softness. Beautiful! Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, I can only say, no mater what you write tickles my fancy, for you are my fancy.  |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet Marie....Like a moving picture, in color...You made the images and people feel real.  |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
JM cheated...she used a picture.  |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
LOL@Duncan! Oh dang...oh dang...oh WOW!! YES!! JM....ooooh yesss...I am speechless. Good comeback to Duncan's. ~Hugs~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Nice...for a poem with a picture! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you everyone(but Duncan)hehehe for these kind replies... Duncan...just cuz you cant read and NEED the pictures is no reason to be such a brat ... get back on the porch before I take a newspaper to ya. ( you'd probably like that)   |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Janet Marie, ya'll really should write a book of all these wonderful characters. It's amazing how all of you just make the whole story flow along.  Hugs, Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (03-01-2003 10:52 PM).] |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Janet Marie, I know I am back when I see one of your great works of art on word form. Beautiful! |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
ah my friend now you see why I have given up trying to write anymore....I will just wait until the muse tells me to pick up my pen again....and in the meantime I will enjoy such treasures as this. Mothy heart hugs and thanks to you for putting up with me gal.  I must have had my momma's will |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
She was a child of the sun, it was time to give her back to the sky.''' Wow sweet butterfly.....you painted with those petals in the sky.... heart hugsssssss Lauren~ Take me where the tides start |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Awesome write and a pleasure to read. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Ooh, storytelling!  Let me nibble this one bit by bit. quote: I can't remember one title by you that wasn't either an alliteration, or some other play on sound ("forever september", etc). Meanwhile, I have such trouble titling something after I've written it, and too often I sit down and just say "uh, A Window. Okay there." I like this title, not only does it sound nice, but it defines the setting right from the start point. Love that. quote: Mm, tasty. A mural of brilliant wildflowers, goldenrod and larkspur, across the horizon's canvas... you really feed the imagination a lot of colours there without actually dropping any blatantly. I like how that works, just saying "wildflowers" leaves a lot of space in my mind to build on however I wish. It also helps with the vastness aspect of them spreading on as far as one could see... that their colours are undefined, but described in brilliance, helps them to seem more endless, to stretch even further. See, I think too basic... if I were writing this I would have razed that stanza in specific colours. Then again, I'm not as kind to my readers as you are. quote: Again with the colours, description of vastness without specification. Like a box of crayons, that's a good analogy, it already brings the childish and innocent connotations into mind for what you discuss later in the poem. quote: I love this stanza. You've finally gotten to the specifications, which I think is very fitting for the simple fact that the truck has stopped and everyone has gotten out. That's the way that it is, when you're in a moving vehicle and you're looking about.... nothing is constant, everything is in a state of flowing change, the scenery rushes by and not much can be said about anything because the moment you say it, it's gone. Reminds me of my own childhood, when we would drive across the prairies to go see our family in the country. I would struggle to see everything (prairies have a lot to see, you'd be surprised) because we were always moving so fast, and only when we'd stop to get a bite to eat, or use a restroom, would I actually be allowed to look around and note everything in detail. Then when they got back I would be yelled at for laying on the hood. Thanks for sparking all that memory, the placement of this stanza was all it took. Okay, as for the stanza itself, just brilliant. This is JM description and the element of your poetry that always earns my approval. I don't see emerald water all that often, I don't see trees offering shade and casting Monet brushstroke reflections. But whenever I do, I wish there was a way I could remember it later. I'm very grateful to you for taking this stanza to depart from the storyteller's role and turn towards scenery. quote: I was going to point out that the comma after "swirling" seems out of place, but on the other hand, it does nice things for the flow and pauses the reading to give the opportunity to really absorb "shallow, swirling." Instead I'm going to say I like it. I also like the time aspect that you bring into here (you never neglect the time aspect, even if you're writing about a specific moment), your brief mention of the seasonal changes, the place in the year where this occurs. You and your seasons, JM. Yeesh.  quote: Oh yeah. This image itself speaks volumes on the concept of innocence and youth outliving childhood. There are moments when all of us are brought back to the time when we were children, when our innocence comes back to us and plays around in our heads. You've captured that well by focusing on the woman's mature, physical beauty, and her distant, childlike youthful beauty. I don't remember the last time I let the scenery place me back in my childhood again, but sometimes I wish it would happen a lot more often. It's a very nice feeling. quote: Again, the dualism of girl and woman is spoken here, the physical appeal of the woman and the suggestion that he hadn't seen this youthfulness opened until actually taking her out into the country... it's nice to see some more description of Jake, even if it's a little vague. I admit I haven't been following this series, really, so I read this perhaps without a lot of the preknowledge that you intended your audience to have. At any rate, the sympathetic sentiments you describe for Jake, the mourning of a girl so out of place.... and finally, the concluding statement that she is a "child of the sun," suggests that she was born into a place she did not belong. It's sad how we're born randomly into random places, and to think that there might be a place out there where we feel we belong, but we can't be all of the time. Gee, JM, have you ever felt like that? I wish that I could tell stories like this. You're a modern-day mothy bard, my good lady. This poem brought me so many places that I haven't seen in ages.... I need to put this into my personal library so that I don't forget to read it again. Hope you don't mind? And sorry if this reply is a little bit long... this poem just really gave me a lot of remembering to do. Brian "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. ~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (03-09-2003 10:34 AM).] |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
A masterpiece! Even Monet would be hugging you for this one! Thanks for another great addition to my persoanl library stash. This collaborative effort has taken itself to new heights. Who was the original genius? Duncan? I'm so grateful.... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Thanks, moth lady, i loved it! It goes in my library! the Wind is invisible. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Who was the original genius? Duncan?' Well...of course!!!!!!! (The picture was her idea)  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Bri-guy did a good job on the critique, hey? I wish I had the time, but you know a Sun has to peek in every corner...as for peeking, don't forget to hie yourself over to Announcements... just in case you think you pulled something over on me.... LOL...  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
These all need to be put together--I for one know I would love to buy the book... fantastic weaving of storylines, m'twin. |
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
This is a beautiful story, descriptive and well-phrased. I enjoyed it very much. KJ Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you EVERYONE for these very cool replies...I've really enjoyed writing for this series and as always thank Capt Ron for the inspiration from his Iambe series that started this all. Its been a great learning experience for me. Brian...you are the best my groovy guy... check your email..ya got a moth in your mailbox LOL Kacy...you too...moth mail went your way thanks again to all for your support and encouragement. mothy hugs from mothyme |
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winston Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204NW of Eden |
I would like the extended version of this.  Great read. Thanks. |
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icequeen Senior Member
since 2001-12-09
Posts 633FL USA |
Uh... yeah, that's it... what LP said... LOL. Wow Janet - this was spellbinding in all its scenery, colors, thoughts, sounds and sighs. The last line blew me away completely. Love this muchly, I do. the only man worth your tears will never make you cry |
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