post = delayed betrayal + website;

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Open Poetry #25

post = delayed betrayal + website;

mpt
Junior Member

since 2001-07-22

Posts 32
australia

0 posted 2003-02-20 03:42 AM

also pls check out my website, i jus set it up not long ago andf was interested in any comments regarding the writings and design of the site. thanx

http://shaolin.serveftp.org/...write/

delayed betrayal

the pain of betrayal and misgiven trust
caused by her experiment of misplaced lust
a lack of honesty, in the end game
unwarranted respect, her way, it came
a promising future, came to a drawn out end
a tentative link, i didnt want to bend

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

1 posted 2003-02-20 11:11 AM

This is so sad but an awesome write nonetheless.

Cold hands means a warm heart

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

2 posted 2003-02-20 11:21 AM

I don't know if you think this criticism.

I would find this easier to read and more appealing were it separated in rhyming lines....the way it is typed draws away from the message; can only speak for myself. Kind of interesting.

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

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