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Open Poetry #25
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Signals (rewrite of Mirroring Smoke)
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Signals (rewrite of Mirroring Smoke) |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion 
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Signals Some spell has stirred this - blame the thought clouds - they pass above in cumulus, foggy exaltations, puffs of us hung in a shingle of seconds below, we brush snow crystals from pine branches and disturb polar linens with vanilla flesh oh it feels like snow © 2003 Core [This message has been edited by Corinne (02-19-2003 12:25 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Corinne - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
ok.... since my original comment now has no meaning to the rework... I'll say this one floats in that space temporary... the intrinsic value of the thiings passing being in their meaning not in their substance... very nice rework.. but the original... still a very good piece almost of a different cloth than this one. [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (02-19-2003 03:40 PM).] |
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Albert J. Allie Senior Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 512Queens NY |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'it’s the thought clouds - they pass above us in cumulus, foggy exaltations,' Very cool image here. Like it a lot! |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Yet if the shingles make a sound, there is always silver between the clouds, as only when the clouds become nimbostratus does the smoke scream! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderfully heartfelt, sweet friend, I just love your imagery, it always leaves me breathless, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Corinne, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (02-26-2003 02:38 PM).] |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Sweet poet, you seem to be able to take something that seems so simple a give it so many levels... most of which I fail to fathom. Great writing.  Park |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Pffffffffft!....Gone.... Nice work. Ed |
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elfin_tigress Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 101Someplace |
oooo... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow! |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks everyone - it became obvious by the reactions that this was too - um - vague! LOL So, a total rewrite this morning offered up hot and fresh. thanks again! Core |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
below, we brush snow crystals from pine branches and disturb polar linens with vanilla flesh oh it feels like snow ================================== you do so much with so few perfectly chosen words...awesome and unique imagery here poetess C. " ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
ok... re-wrote emy original comment.. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks JM! Thanks, Ron. Yes, they are different in feel, although I tried to simply add more clarity to the mix. The recipe often takes on its own direction! Corinne |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
nicely done!! Charisma |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oooh YES!! For sure....one for the book! ~Hugs~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I like it this way too.  |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
oh yes, I voted ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
perfect imagery, I'm sorry I missed the original. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Just love the imagery. Enjoyed very much. Maree |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
You poem is a winter delicacy. *s My favorites images-- ...blame the thought clouds - ...foggy exaltations, ...puffs of us ...and disturb polar linens When you think you have heard it all, |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Your poem has an ethereal feel to it--and I like things ethereal! ~ May God's sign posts guide you along your life's journey... P.S. Your photo is artistic and creative, and your face is very pretty but I have a sense that you are being carried away from us by the mists of time... |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Yes, ethereal is a perfect feel of this poem. Very nicely done Cor... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Corinne~ And a beautiful direction this took, indeed ! Hope you are doing splendiforous~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Reminds me of my boyhood in New Hampshire. I love this poem. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is a must...  |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thank you all, very kindly! Core |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
blame the thought clouds - they pass above in cumulus, foggy exaltations, puffs of us hung in a shingle of seconds Such a picture you paint with such few words... I like this very much! *S* |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Delightful! Warm hugs, Linda |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Thanks Suthern and Linda! Corinne |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
A wonderful write, it gets my vote. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
yes. . . I know this scene. . . excellent work. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
You have a wonderful way with words, Corrine. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
A beautiful introspection -- love this little poem! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
This, Corinne, is gorgeous, and an excellent choice for a book submission. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Sure you lay naked with your vanilla flesh in the cold white stuff and i'm sure it will feel like snow. Oh forgot to vote first time through, great write still not sure I understand all of it, but I'm kinda slow that way...lol Park |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
This poem most definately deserves to be in Reflections. I enjoyed reading your snowy flakes of inspiration. Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
God bless the person who slipped this back up to the top so I could vote....  Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...[This message has been edited by Sunshine (04-03-2003 12:20 PM).] |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Lovely write. |
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