Questions Observing An Old Man

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RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

0 posted 2003-02-18 07:08 PM

The old man's cane no more than a prybar
to wrench his ancient feet from the cement,
bare was his advance, legs seem stuck in tar
swaying, low set metronome bowed and bent.

This half a block becomes his Normandy,
to cross a street now his imperiled beach,
it's passage alone no fait accompli
a summit of a curb awaits his reach.

Have I the right to pain at his affliction?
The urge to carry or to question him?
His burden is the end of life's restriction,
is freedom there death's wink at synonym?

Old man where is it you just have to go?
Or is your tortuous trek to evade?
While your will's immense your motion slow,
minute your progress as each step is weighed.

I watch your back and wonder of your face,
it's visage fear and pain or one of grace?
cow'ring crab on inclined glass, just turtle's pace?
Does death pursue or is it life you chase?

Will you survive another heartless winter,
or earth's icy grimace crack, entomb your bones?
The first snow falls, my bus arrives, I enter
a spryer sprawling death dirge of my own.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2003-02-18 07:14 PM

(big hugggssssssss) God Bless You, dearest friend, I too make these observations every day, I see the elderly, the homeless, young children, those who have seen war, and compassionately think of them and when I wish I could help them all, I know I can only help some and then I pray for the others and hope love and faith can offer them hospitality and comfort through each season! (sigh) This is excellent, sweet friend, you have my proud vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Richard, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-02-18 07:38 PM

Last time I had goosebumps while voting I voted for Edwin Edwards. (David Duke was his opponent.)

But these are GOOD goosebumps...deliciously slow to unveil the detail, I like much that you took your time writing the scene--it gave the age of your subject emphasis, slowing the reader down to his pace. Excellent work, Richard. (and smiling, yes, you are one I was curious about--to see what you might choose--and I'm NOT disappointed.)

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

3 posted 2003-02-18 07:42 PM

I particularly like the lines:
"swaying, low set metronome bowed and bent"

"is freedom there death's wink at synonym"

"cow'ring crab on inclined glass, just turtle's pace"

Some jarring images there! *s

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-02-18 08:16 PM

Richard, I was wondering where you were. I'm so glad to see you on here. This poem is an excellent choice for book submission, friend, but, as far as I'm concerned, any of your poetry would have been.....

.
Hugs from
Ethel

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2003-02-18 08:19 PM

Richard....Sensitive eyes of heart, words of a poet. So good to see you!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2003-02-18 08:23 PM

YES!!! Of course...into the book you go!!

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

7 posted 2003-02-18 08:47 PM

I remember standing at that bus stop with you as I read this one once before. Few can portray a scene or develop a character as expertly as you do. It would be a great honor to be placed in the same book with the likes of you.
It's great to see you back on these blue pages.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

8 posted 2003-02-18 08:53 PM

All great writers are accomplished observers of life---I suppose that is why I "see" so much when I read any of your work!---I am looking at the world through your open eyes!

Another fine piece from your quill!

Warm hugs,
Linda

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2003-02-18 09:40 PM

I'm so glad to see you submitting. This is exceptional.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2003-02-18 09:50 PM

Richard, so glad you found one to post...
Thank you!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

11 posted 2003-02-18 10:08 PM

I am a people watcher, but could never express all the questions that pop into my head, as you have here...wow

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

12 posted 2003-02-18 10:39 PM

I was waiting to see which one you picked as I had already picked three, and I am sitting here smiling, as this was one of three I thought you might pick. It certainly gets my vote, as I love your observations of people.

~* Carpe' Diem *~

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

13 posted 2003-02-19 12:00 PM

Ah, to see so much in such a simple scene

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

14 posted 2003-02-19 12:25 PM

was hoping you would return and participate in the book....hope to see more of your work here..perhaps some of your excellence of rhymes.

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ... it then directs your course."

K.Gibran

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

15 posted 2003-02-19 12:37 PM

Love the whole poem and especially the opening stanza.

Truly a great poem.

Maree

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

16 posted 2003-02-19 08:05 AM

This is an excellent choice, Richard... I'm looking forward to seeing it in print...

Sandpiper
Senior Member

since 2002-06-15

Posts 738
land of flora and fauna

17 posted 2003-02-19 08:47 AM

Love this one!! You gave him life..far longer than he will walk those icy streets--excellent choice!!

"And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul."
Pablo Neruda

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

18 posted 2003-02-19 03:42 PM

ROFL @ serenity... talk about making a choice between bad and worse! LOL

This is excellent, Richard... and yes... the goose bumps are good 'uns. *S*

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

19 posted 2003-02-19 04:00 PM

ah glad to see you here.....as I know how beautiful you write.

enjoyed the read as always

Charisma

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

20 posted 2003-02-19 06:12 PM

Richard~
A wonderful write and a great choice for book submission.
I enjoyed this.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

21 posted 2003-02-19 06:16 PM

This is a wonderful piece!!!!!

LOVED IT!!!!!!

Bridgette

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

22 posted 2003-02-19 06:32 PM

where the heck have you been RS? I went through withdrawels you know..not getting a morning read from you...

Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

23 posted 2003-02-20 06:39 PM

Just hanging out on the last page and decided to BUMP this up....

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

24 posted 2003-02-20 07:04 PM

I love how you bring it all together nicely in conclusion for the old man, you, and for that matter all of us are truly only sprawling when it comes to death. I loved the challenge here that was presented to the old man as if the beaches of Normandy to cross the half a block. WOW!!! I can only imagine. Good job. I enjoyed reading your poem very much.

-Bob

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

25 posted 2003-02-20 09:51 PM

'This half a block becomes his Normandy,
to cross a street now his imperiled beach,
it's passage alone no fait accompli
a summit of a curb awaits his reach.

Have I the right to pain at his affliction?
The urge to carry or to question him?
His burden is the end of life's restriction,
is freedom there death's wink at synonym?'

This poem is new to me and honestly, it's flawless. Nice to see you here!

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

26 posted 2003-02-20 09:59 PM

Another good one. This is going to be some book. Joyce

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

27 posted 2003-02-20 11:18 PM

With the exception of the first two lines, this line impressed me the most..

This half a block becomes his Normandy..

That one line really reaches me for some reason. The poem is excellent....vote!

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

28 posted 2003-02-21 12:34 PM

Thank you all very much for the read. Many seemed to enjoy it the first time posted and it's one of the very few I'd show someone new to the notion that I write.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

29 posted 2003-02-21 02:07 PM

RSWells
This is an excellent write, but then it's not your first. You got my vote.

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

30 posted 2003-02-21 06:03 PM

Poignant and well written. Sure to be a favorite.

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

31 posted 2003-02-24 01:04 AM

Let's pick this one up and run with it! (or at least hobble along.....) A worthy poem, on a hard subject.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

32 posted 2003-02-24 01:22 AM

RSWells - glad I found this one of yours. My vote for the book...

BC

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

33 posted 2003-02-25 02:37 PM

Fantastic offering....

regards,
sudhir

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

34 posted 2003-03-01 09:33 AM

Does death pursue or is it life you chase?

I people watch and often think of where I will be when my time of age comes...

*s
M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (03-01-2003 09:33 AM).]

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