»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #25
»
an attitude (senryu)
| Open Poetry #25 |
|
an attitude (senryu) |
|
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
|
senseless daydreaming reluctant to engage life procrastinator |
||
| © Copyright 2003 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
bbent Senior Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 521Alaska |
an international pastime,cept it's 3 am here. Live like it's your last day... |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Also passive...James |
||
|
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hey, thanks for reading...i thought using "procrastinator" was kinda smart of me but now, i'm thinking that it's silly to waste five syllables on "procrastinator", especially since its meaning is also implied in the second line... now inclined towards senseless daydreaming reluctant to engage life drowned in misery |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I like that you can find a five-syllable word, Kaile, to explain the feeling of this attitude. I thought your original was very well done, and smiled when I read it. Today is Sunday here...I think I'm going to adopt your attitude, just for the morning, at least...  Thank you! |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 how clever! anytime you can use a five syllable word and convey such meaning is GREAT! I was born a procrastinator...wasn't sure it was time for my grand entrance, fought it all the way, wanted to wait until the 'perfect' moment. your second version is also interesting and triggers additional brain wave activity, requiring another cup of coffee. |
||
|
regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Kaile, Hi! The title as important as poem. Both versions, great! Good writing. I like your mind.  Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
||
|
VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
you've been peeking! and I don't even have "video web." Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
kaile - hehehe you and me both - very nice job here xxoo |
||
|
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
A lift for the multitudes. Good job. Liked the original in it's entirety. ThisDiamond |
||
Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Excellent!! Enjoyed this. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hmmmm...sigh...yeah, I'm guilty of that too |
||
|
Albert J. Allie Senior Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 512Queens NY |
Aren't we ALL guilty of it? I'd admit it if YOU will! Great Work! I love these kind of pieces!  |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
hmmm could also be the tagline under Pisces.. |
||
|
Joannak Member
since 2000-03-11
Posts 121Indiana, USA |
to sit in silence refreshing of spirit, or procrastination ? kaile, your senryu and haiku always are a read for me, yours was wonderful. Joanna What better way to become immortal than to wake up each day and write? Ray Bradbury |
||
|
Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
I like the original, very nice job. Jason |
||
|
GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
my bus only comes in a couple minutes and yea I need to brush my teeth but NO I don't procrastinate! ..too much.. err.. hehe I like it and your second one too. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
||
|
scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
I was impressed with "procrastinator"...a well written senyru!! believe in what your heart feels... |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Great message! Great senryu! Springtime hugs, EA |
||
|
majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
double kudos, first for a great little senryu, and second for using a five syllable word as the subject and last line -majnu |
||
|
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
man, i certainly didn't expect so many replies...and i thought this was bound to suffer the Passionate Plummet since people would think me lazy for using a 5 syllable word  thanks for the approval...you guys have made this senryu memorable Joannak, nice to hear from you! how is your writing coming along? and I hope to see your haiku/senryu submissions for Reflections majnu, your comment really brightened up my day..thanks! thanks all for reading |
||
|
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kaile~ Marvelously done Magnificently complete Electrifying ! *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Flower Member
since 2003-03-15
Posts 240California |
Liked the original best. Good stuff. Love reading all these great writes. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
Karilea - If I whisper, will you listen?...
