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ngoliant
Junior Member

since 2003-03-13

Posts 20
Eastof theSun&WestoftheMoon

0 posted 2003-03-14 02:16 PM

Somehow it is not enough
To worry about what I have done,
Or fret about what I left undone
To balance harm and good
In this life.

I fear in the depths
Of my being
What I have been,
What I have caused to be
Of old.

Through the fire of will
Without wisdom.
And the aridness of logic
Without love.
And the flood of desire
Without restraint.

When the world was mine.
And hunger was in my soul.

When I knew
Right from Wrong.
Without doubt.
And could act
Without hesitation.

For love of country
Right or Wrong.
Without question.
Dispensing justice
Without mercy.

Defending my gods
Like a god myself.
Protecting my young.
Too young myself
To hold regard for others’ young.
Or respect for others’ gods.

When the world was mine.
And pride was in my soul.

When I could take
All that was offered to me
And steal what was not offered.
Without regret
For others’ pain.

For they were weak
Where I was not.
And could be moved
To real tears
By my false ones.

Holding what I took
By cunning force.
Hard as granite,
Sharp as bronze or steel
Burnished to reflect
A pleasing surface.

When the world was mine.
And lust was in my soul.

Now I have stared
Back at my shadow.
And have begun
To know the enemy
That is myself.

In all my hunger
And pride and lust.
And to stand aside
From what I know
I should desire no more.

Avoiding the traps
Of the selfish loves
And self-sought
Responsibilities
And self serving causes
That pride requires.

And I may watch the world
With sorrow in my soul.

But yet it is not enough
To store these lessons
Deep down in cell and sinew.
To hope they will return
Again in bone and blood.

For in the depths
Of my being
I fear.
What I may be
Again.

not so lightly to be caught

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

1 posted 2003-03-14 08:36 PM

Ngoliant,

Gee, such self-evaluation, assuming this is about you. Even if written in general, the fear of being this way again would be quite real.

Interesting write for sure.

Pat