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Open Poetry #25
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If Words But Could, They Would ... { Sky Dance }
| Open Poetry #25 |
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If Words But Could, They Would ... { Sky Dance } |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
 If Words But Could, They Would ... {Sky Dance} I should lay down my pen ... rather than do this view an inked injustice. Words both pale and fail when compared to dawn's dance upon day. Each morn the cycle repeats its resplendence, still no two scenes of renew are ever the same. And here I sit in my room with a view ... searching for words to convey what the sky shares in it's dawning display. As if a mere poet could pen such grace, as if couplets of cadence could capture the colors of the cloud's constance. How would I resonate the reds ... orchestrate the orange? To pen in pinks and purples couldn't come close to painting upon creation's canvas. To write of violet hued views or horizons of blue, could never do such brilliance true. So I question the whys ... Just who am I, to even try? How would I ever explain the sky? No dictionary could bind these colors to paper ... How would hand written lines define the sun in shine? Such splendor shouldn't be restricted by rhyme. No pen stroke could portray the beauty that begins and ends each day. What would the words say of the sky in sway? How could verses of verbiaged verbalize ever speak sure of salmon streaked skies born to morn's salient sunrise? Ink immersed images cant compete with crimson cast clouds, with skylines surrendering to sunshine's saturation. As if alliterated adjectives could ever be adequate ... I have no answers ... I've only unadulterated awe. What would justify a poet's pretense to try? Perhaps a need for others to see the sky through poetry's perceptive eye? Or is it that the clouds call out, that the sun summons ... the sky sequesters as the scene serene stirs our muse? Is it inspiration's ensue that our pens cannot refuse? Why cant I be content to just witness the wonder? Couldn't it be enough to frame the moment on film? Shouldn't I be satisfied with making a memory in my mind? From where comes this cadenced coerce to capture the scene in metered verse or rhyme scheme? If I could, I would poetically compose this morning's blue hued birth, if I believed for even a moment I might find words to write its worth. As the sun stains the sky in scarlet baptize, my humbled eyes realize somethings cant be contained nor explained in poetic reprise. Dusk and dawn's daily sky dance ... holds my heart and pen in trance, it takes but a glance to know the exquisite needs no eloquent enhance. Janet Marie  "I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree." ~*~ "Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree." From "Trees" By: Joyce Kilmer **sunrise photos taken from my front porch/St. Louis, MO [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (03-09-2003 11:37 PM).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Dear Poet Janet Marie...It is not the sunset the poet would rhapsodize...but the feeling that it gives them as with this poetic grace of word....and sometimes I really think, the sunset dims when compared with the beauty of some poet's ink!  [This message has been edited by Martie (03-09-2003 10:50 PM).] |
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sea_of_okc Senior Member
since 1999-06-15
Posts 568Oklahoma City, OK, USA |
WOWIEEEEEE Breathtaking photos and beautiful words... Thank you so much for sharing the beauty of this scene and the beauty that is you. Later awesome gator |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Beautiful words. beautiful imagery. Beautiful poem. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh my Janet Marie! I'm sitting here in stunned silence.. absorbing your beautiful words..enjoying the splendid pictures, and totally at a loss for words.. at least any that would do this piece the justice it so deserves. YOU girlie...are simply amazing and never cease to blow me away when you post! Thank you for this keeper... Thank you for your kind replies to my work. Bless you for being you! ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
How would I ever explain the sky?'' only you can lovely lady....what a stunning vision, to read....see and take in....  sweet  hugsss Lauren~ Take me where the tides start |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Lovely word pictures in your sky and from your porch. Such a pretty sunrise that you wrote~ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
just a beautiful piece of art here! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh JM, this is absolutely beautiful.. speechless am I. Maree  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
wonderful images and wonderful words to grace them... very well done Ms Mothy One... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
you whisper the words for me Jan...someday you just may trip over me asleep on your porch. This reminded me of Emily SO much... I'm watching a moth take wing and I smile.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Why cant I be content to just witness the wonder? Couldn't it be enough to frame the moment on film? Shouldn't I be satisfied with making a memory in my mind? From where comes this cadenced coerce to capture the scene in metered verse or rhyme scheme? She did it, she did it, OMG she did it, she did it! You promised a poem... and you kept your promise...  |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Janet, you asked a tough question...i have no opinions to offer but am real glad to read of your struggle....enjoy your venture into free verse too..  [This message has been edited by kaile (03-10-2003 07:14 AM).] |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
er, library... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Thank God that with our eyes we can view the beauty of nature...and for those that can't a verbal description will do...made me think of a scene in the French movie "Amelie" where she took a blind man on a mini tour of the City in which she beautifully described the sights she was seeing...James |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, If you could you would and almost did. But each sky is printed different in each mind. Some see glory some see story, some see awe and some see floor. And I see you. WWRS  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Janet Marie, have I told you that you're one of my favorite writers here? Your poems are not only breath-taking, but your pictures are, too...and your replies to everybody else are so poetic. You are a very talented lady, dear friend. Hugs, Ethel |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
As if alliterated adjectives could ever be adequate ... But... but... but... they're so pretty to read, even when they're not quite doing the job. *G* And in this case, they painted the mind's canvas as gloriously as the camera captured the moment. *S* Excellent work! |
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DarkSide_Blues Junior Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 41Fl, Usa. |
How can I convey the beauty you instilled in my mind with those words? The word "beauty" itself is such an understatement, it's akin to pointing at a mountain and saying "grain of sand". Amazing.... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Yep, it's a poem! And with pictures! I'll be back... |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Thanks to God you tried ... and all the poets will try again and again ... to capture precious fragments of the overwhelming magnificent mosaic that is creation. Beautiful. Margherita |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
‘I should lay down my pen ... rather than do this view an inked injustice. Words both pale and fail when compared to dawn's dance upon day.’ Already told ya that I really like this verse. Sets the stage honestly and poetically. Love ‘inked injustice’ and the up front admission of feeling daunted by the task at hand. ‘And here I sit in my room with a view ... searching for words to convey what the sky shares in it's dawning display.’ Just like the image of ‘here I sit in my room with a view…’ ‘How would I resonate the reds ... orchestrate the orange? To pen in pinks and purples couldn't come close to painting upon creation's canvas. To write of violet hued views or horizons of blue, could never do such brilliance true.’ Pretty much nailed this verse, worked really well, I thought. ‘How would hand written lines define the sun in shine? Such splendor shouldn't be restricted by rhyme. ‘ Exactly! Free verse would work much better…lol! ‘Why cant I be content to just witness the wonder? Couldn't it be enough to frame the moment on film? Shouldn't I be satisfied with making a memory in my mind? From where comes this cadenced coerce to capture the scene in metered verse or rhyme scheme?’ From a writers heart and soul. From you! Ya done good Jams. Give yourself a cookie! |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I was unexpectally called away today, but I wanted to say thank you to ALL before it got any later...your wonderful responses to this make a moth smile like the cheshire cat  I appreciate your generous support of my work more than my mere moth words will tell true...I'll try to come back to this and say thanks to each when I get caught up here. thanks again guys....muchly. |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
A litany of alliteration. If a picture's worth a thousand words than what the eyes see in real dimensions are voluminous. While we strain at times to share the experiences it's not only because the poet wants to but that (s)he must. This newfangled media allows us the advantage over print of other stimuli to make our points and I'm convinced (if it isn't restricted by jealous powers) that it will ultimately prove more important to all humans understanding of, not only each other, but all that's known and loom larger in historic footnotes than Gutenbergs gift. Enjoyed. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What Mr. Wells said. Ba-bump! |
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BloomingRose Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092Florida |
Some are blessed with a gift to pick up a paint brush and capture the beauty of nature, and some are blessed with the gift of picking up and pen and being able to describe the beauty of a sunrise or sunset. You my dear are one of the few who have that gift of pen. You beautifully etched on paper words that decsribe the divine beauty of the sky... without even trying. Wish I knew how to "let it flow" *sigh* but it's rare beauty that makes things special, and like the sky, your beauty of pen is here in all it's glory. Hugs, Deb |
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Logan Senior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 1641Arkansas |
So I question the whys ... Just who am I, to even try? How would I ever explain the sky? .................. Geez, where is the vote box? If ANYONE can explain the beauty of those pictures, it is you, oh mothy one with the brilliant wings. Would you teach how to write, please?...very gentle smile |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you all so much for these very cool replies...I apologize for not addressing each one of you personally, I've been helping my dad move and my forum time has been somewhat limited. thank you for your support of my work. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
So I question the whys ... Just who am I, to even try? How would I ever explain the sky? No dictionary could bind these colors to paper ... How would hand written lines define the sun in shine? Such splendor shouldn't be restricted by rhyme. No pen stroke could portray the beauty that begins and ends each day. What would the words say of the sky in sway? ************************ Ummmmmm....is this your way of telling me that you think I shouldn't write anymore? You know could spend about 20 minutes typing a response to this line by line but we will do that in person (via Ma Bell)lol. I have to say that I do love the alliterations as always and you still have not lost your talent for bending internal rhyme across the blue without causing defraction of the mind's eye .... VERY COOL gator grooved girl of groovy. I do question why you have the ponderings when you have found the answers to them all however....or is it that you just want the world to think you are still a blind moth that feels the light instead of seeing it? Hmmm ... Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. LOL. ************ Dusk and dawn's daily sky dance ... holds my heart and pen in trance, it takes but a glance to know the exquisite needs no eloquent enhance. ************ Well, all I can say is that it is about time you figured out that you need NO enhance other than what you have in your heart and soul. Will wonders never cease? To think that you have most believing you are talking about the sky. LOL. Just as endless as is the wonders of the evasive horizon ... so are the wonders of the eye upon colors painted in distorted light reflections through the prism of the mind.....you capture them well. You learn good "Young Deer born of morning dew". The rest of my response I will tell you in person cause you know that some of this touches the personal side of issues not to be brought to light without full explore. ...... Ohhhhhh did I mention........ Imagery..Imagery..Imagery!!!!!!!!!!!! You have grown leaps and bounds in this area. Looks like I better study to catch up huh? |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Came back to say my apologies to Serenity....srry Karen.....didn't mean to trip over you. I didn't see you sleeping by the front door. Hope I didn't step on anything that will leave questionable bruises.   |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Janet, I don't know how I missed this earlier. Martie answered your question best. I'm not qualified to even begin to say much except this. I LOVE your poetry. The beauty in your words, the talent you share with us, your humility!!! Whoa! What a treasure, this poem and you! Thank YOU, Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
MC....do you know how good it is to see your name in here??? thank you babe...I look forward to your insights...afterall...youre the one who taught me about imagery...and seeing the workd thru your eyes always teaches me and enlightens me. thank you my groovy guy  SO..wheres a book submission??? HMMM????  Pat...its impossible to keep up in here, so dont worry..your words are always heart felt and appreciated whenever you stop in. Thanks to all for your kind replies on this ...Im still tied up with helping my dad move and had a friend in town...so Im very behind in here. |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Janet Marie, when you write a poem it knocks me off the chair. Then when you add such stunning and magnificent pictures, there are no words I can say that would do justice to what you have here. You are such a brilliant and talented writer and I always look forward to reading your pieces. Brava! Huggles, Marti Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. A.Einstein |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Marti, my goodness poetess ... your reply both honors me and humbles me... thank you very very much for such a supportive, generous and lovely response to this poem. mothy hugs back to you |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
NO way, I SO thought I replied to this already. Well, I'll read it again and give you a reply this time. I'm really sorry for my lateness, JM, you'll have to forgive me... but hey, at least you're getting a bump to the top. The overall impression I got from this poem was, "words cannot express." I've always hated that saying because it undermines the poet. But hey, you got all ironic and decided to write a poem about how weak poetry is, and even more ironically, you wrote an awesome poem in the process. Make up your mind. quote: I love the second line, the internal rhyme bounces rhythmically and the alliteration afterwards is really nifty... that's pure style. I think this stanza is one of your stronger openings. quote: Awesome contrastive scene. You sit inside, in the comfortable and mundane state of the indoors, admiring the outdoors and trying to capture it with your words, your "indoors..." trying to tie it down to the world of humanity. I really like that, the setting of sides is a true illustration of the nature of poetry -- we try to capture the wordless with our human words, and at the same time, try to use those words in such a way that they do not diminish the beauty of the actual fact, the wordless quality that we are trying to illustrate. It's difficult, yes... not impossible, or there would be no poetry... but difficult. quote: Yikes, my tongue is doing backflips here. I always quietly read with my mouth whenever you do that endless alliteration stuff. And I think I have it hard trying to fit words into meter, it must be even harder on you, trying to go word for word... but at least you can use a dictionary, right? quote: Tsk tsk, you're getting really skeptical in this poem... is this really how you feel about poetry? Do you have a right to blaspheme the scene before you by trying to capture it in your human terms and words? Could the reader of your poem ever see the sky like you are right now? I went through a phase where I thought this too, and didn't bother writing imagery anymore. I still really doubt my writing of imagery, but now I am a believer that, even if you cannot capture the scene exactly, you can capture the feelings and response to the scene and allow the reader to understand just what thoughts the scene brings to mind, and perhaps even touch their heart in a way close to that of the scene. You're one of the poets who does this, so I can see why it's heavy on your mind... you write mostly about the natural, scenes of beauty that inspire you. I understand that you'd start doubting your ability like this. quote: Salmon streaked skies, crimson cast clouds, sunshine's saturation... you not only stir up the images in my mind, you do it with style. I really like this stanza. The succeeding pair of lines is important, even if you shrug at your own style and dismiss it as inadequate. You have no answers, just awe... the sublime in a nutshell. quote: It's inside of us, JM... have you ever seen a flock of geese stop their business to glance over the river, watch the sunset, and ponder it? We are creatures of thought, creatures of feeling and longing... we see so many things in a sunset that can only be seen by us. That poetic impulse is what sets us apart from the animals and makes us unique, makes us beautiful. We are nature's peanut gallery, and all we can do is scribble out the scene in our own thoughts, to try and capture the world of nature in the clutch of the world of humanity. Filming it is capturing nature as our senses do, remembering it is remembering it as our senses do... poetry is capturing nature with the mind, which is why it is so important. At least, in my humble opinion, that's why. quote: I love your conclusion... don't change, don't enhance, just capture the beauty for what it really is and let that be seen, because that beauty is more than enough. Some things can't be seen with poetry, you're right, but that doesn't mean we can't try... John Keats said "Beauty is truth, truth beauty," and I couldn't agree more. Poetry isn't enhancement or alteration, it is capture. Wonderful meditations here, JM. Your style is sharp and rich as ever, and as usual you make me envious of your tongue-twisting, mind-numbing talents.  Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Well if you think Nancy gave a wonderful reply, mine is doubly so!---for I echo hers twice over! tehe Absolutely stunning! Happy Spring! Warm hugs, Linda |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
quote: Bri-babes...even your replies are poetry... and I'm smiling at you for the insight and for your humilty. As always you just "get it" and I thank you for the indepth view through your eyes, as I alway learn fom your enlightening perspective. We are nature's peanut gallery, and all we can do is scribble out the scene in our own thoughts, to try and capture the world of nature in the clutch of the world of humanity. Yer so cool it makes me mothy heart smile!! THANK YOU Brian...for being you. ROFLMAO @ "mind numbing" Yeah..I got it hahaha  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Linda...you sweetly slipped in while I was tying to Bri...thank you DOUBLEY SO for your lovely reply too *L*thanks poetess EA!! |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Good grief, don't you just love Brian's response LOL, he kills me. Yes, you did indeed write about how weak poetry is to define what our senses give to us, and you did it dang well too. |
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
see i dissappear and yor poems just got better and better. Thought maybe to catch your eye but you don't seem to be here much anymore. Might give up and just e-mail. Do not go gentle into that good night. |
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