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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-02-16 05:55 PM

I followed the streak
As it burned across black
And into retina
Leaving spots of you
To dance before me
Unable to touch

Split clouds pour
And I am drenched.
Eroding just a bit more
Of hardface

Sing to me thunder
Sing to me
And let the strikes
Come closer
That my heart may stop
This aching reign

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2003-02-16 06:01 PM

Ron...Intense feeling in this stom of words...touched the ouch in me. Hugs to you.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2003-02-16 06:52 PM

Summer will be here
soon enough...
the aches, though
won't be washed away
as easily...

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

3 posted 2003-02-16 07:43 PM

This is deeply heart and gut touching. About knocked me off my chair like that lightening bolt the third time I read it. I love it, for all the right reasons. It is a very good poem! Again, with your poetry some of the lines blow my mind. Yum. I wish I could write like this. And, am so glad you share it here with us.

Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Sunkissed
Senior Member

since 2002-12-03

Posts 610

4 posted 2003-02-16 08:42 PM

Felt this muchly.

Sunkissed.

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

5 posted 2003-02-16 08:44 PM

That was beautifully written

Cold hands means a warm heart

Quiet Acquiescence
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 70
somewhere out here

6 posted 2003-02-16 08:51 PM

oh wow, real deep, real deep. it's so beautiful.

~*~me~*~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2003-02-16 08:55 PM

Excellent....much enjoyed.
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

8 posted 2003-02-17 12:24 PM

"Sing to me thunder
Sing to me
And let the strikes
Come closer
That my heart may stop
This aching reign"

you know, this is fantastic...I do so love your poetry...and when you write of rain....well, you know

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

9 posted 2003-02-17 03:49 AM

yes!

SweetSerenity
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 52
Canada

10 posted 2003-02-17 05:56 AM

I also really enjoyed this poem. You made the readers feel every word that you typed.

~A touch of Sweetness . . . . . A lifetime of Serenity~

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

11 posted 2003-02-17 08:53 AM

'Sing to me thunder
Sing to me
And let the strikes
Come closer
That my heart may stop
This aching reign'

If the thunder doesn't work Ron, you could try burying it in the snow!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

12 posted 2003-02-19 12:28 PM

(sad sigh) Ouch, this too thunderstruck me deeply, may the rain fall but may the lightning be greased all at once, here's to a tamer storm, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love an dlight always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

13 posted 2003-02-19 12:51 PM

I do like your intensity, the way you draw the cinches until everything is tight and hard, the light focused to a little bright dot that's ready to burn.

Nice work. Very nice.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

14 posted 2003-02-20 04:34 AM

yeah!

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

15 posted 2003-02-20 10:39 PM

ron, i can smell the rain...thankyou sir... a wonderful write.

lots of love, gemma xxxxxxxxx

learning each day, for you and i, our paths have met, i've already learnt that you are love.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

16 posted 2003-02-20 10:46 PM

Just WOW, Capt.

"Love makes the world go around"
~with love and hugs from Ethel GG~

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

17 posted 2003-02-20 11:39 PM

this leaves me somewhat speechless, I love it! I'm going to go have a few more reads, then I may be able to reply better!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

18 posted 2003-02-20 11:41 PM

And let the strikes
Come closer
That my heart may stop
This aching reign

Cpat these could be some of the best lines ever written here, loved this then again I am a dark bastard

Elan
Member

since 2002-05-03

Posts 382
State of Wide Eye

19 posted 2003-02-21 09:43 AM

I see clouds...

scorpio
Member Ascendant

since 2002-10-02

Posts 5178
right...there

20 posted 2003-02-21 10:02 AM

Nice play on words...you continue to inspire Ron!!

believe in what your heart feels...

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

21 posted 2003-02-21 10:08 AM

powerful, powerful imaging, Ron

good show, ol' boy!

I love the "clouds split" line especially much!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

22 posted 2003-02-21 03:23 PM

a sensuality to this, Ron.

What does your nickname mean, anyway?

Cpat hair - ?

Cor

Shlee
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 72
USA

23 posted 2003-02-21 06:47 PM

Wonderful. That last stanza says a lot, very powerful

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

24 posted 2003-02-21 07:05 PM

Thanks to all of you... humbled in many ways that this offering of mine has garnered the replies it has... sincere thank to all of you.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

25 posted 2003-02-21 07:14 PM

You know...it was all going well until I encountered 'hardface' and immediately had a picture of a guy in a fedora, with a cigar, looking furtively from left to right, paper under one arm (probably concealing a gun)...hm...the image is developing - soon I'll write a story about Hardface on the streets of New York and his futile efforts to stop himself eroding

Otherwise - good stuff Ron..

K

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

26 posted 2003-10-27 04:29 PM

This to...

I think I might have to do this from time to time just so I don't have withdraws...

"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

27 posted 2005-05-21 09:16 PM

To dance before me
Unable to touch

Split clouds pour
And I am drenched.
Eroding just a bit more
Of hardface

Sing to me thunder
Sing to me
And let the strikes
Come closer
That my heart may stop
This aching reign

I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situtaion-made from clay to stone

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