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GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

0 posted 2003-03-04 08:57 PM

With your precision
~ Knife ~
Cut a hole around my heart.
And in your not so gentle way
Pull the life of my existence.

I’ll wince and murmur,
Shout and groan.
But I’ll walk,
A ~deadman~
Right before you.

Wash your hands
By blood of me.
Adrenaline armor
Is all you’ve got.

My heart just beats a little louder.
Dadum, you hear my ticking doom?
To fate of hope
You wish you knew.

I’ll show you if you’ll take a hand
But I’m watching you
From over here.

Its light but you are in the dark…
Open up your eyes,
Your precision cut on me
Is lacking.

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Phantom Poet
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 116
Arizona USA

1 posted 2003-03-04 09:00 PM

GG has done it again this one really got my attention
>>phantom poet<<

rkcraig
Member

since 2003-02-27

Posts 202
Cincinnati, Ohio, USA

2 posted 2003-03-04 09:17 PM

like this poem. Reminds me of a song by Ben Harper called please bleed. In it he says " please bleed
so I know that you are real
and I know that you can feel."

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

3 posted 2003-03-04 10:29 PM

Phantom Poet,
thank you again! I guess poems about cutting a heart out might stun people and grab attention, lol. I write strange, I know!

craig,
can see how it might remind you. Though, for me, this is about someone who even though they may tear me apart I'll help then and keep fighting. Despite that I'm left half dead. wow I scare myself sometimes lol. thank you much!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

4 posted 2003-03-05 09:26 AM

Alyssa,

This is gut wrenching. But keep writing it out. Weird is good. How about unique, instead, though?

Much talent, enjoyed,

Hugs and love, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

5 posted 2003-03-05 10:11 AM

Pat,
thanks, and yes writing does help an awful lot. But I don't think unique cuts it... I'm weird! Its ok though because I don't mind!! Hugs and love to you

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

6 posted 2003-03-05 02:15 PM

gut churning, knife piercing, real good,
portrayal of pain

noah j
Member

since 2003-03-05

Posts 82
on the open road with the wind blowing in my hair

7 posted 2003-03-05 02:37 PM

very nice. i enjoyed the offbeat subject of the poem immensely, in sort of sick way i guess, as much as you can enjoy a poem about that sort of pain.

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

8 posted 2003-03-05 03:05 PM

inkedgoddess,
guess I got the effect across then

honored you'd find it good. And yes, a few kinds of pain... thank you

Noah J,
lol.. always happy when someone is honest, and I guess I just choose weird scenarios to describe the real ones. Its all just symbolic, don't worry!

Thank you very much.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

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