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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #19 |
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The Harm |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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Remember I used to try and explain it all my own big picture and you – silent, and unpassioned. Didn’t you care? Didn’t you care about me and us and all that potential curled up in our own time-bomb? Let me write it like a chapter then, plain and unfurnished by too much gaudy poetic: you see, I thought – laughs – that if I just spoke gently, and asked how you were that you’d reply in your accented hush and things would somehow be different - earlier, I’d read on the couch in stillness under the soft light, feet drawn under a white pillow, the cat occasionally visiting me with her whiskery purr. It was then that I’d thought…I wonder how you are. (Foolish woman, wrapped around her hoping) It’s too late for all that. It’s as solemnly understood as the finality of a gong’s passage. You’re self-pitied and fueled with your need to punish me for leaving. You said ‘is that what you really think I’m like?’ after pushing out those cheap shots. Hey, if I said it more loudly, if I squall it out like sails, or massive freighter ships blocking stars, would you open yourself? Ah, I think not. Change (recalled with a sad smile) - I used to whisper it, holding you in the nights, protected from the next tomorrow – if only we could change who we are we could have loved, long. But don’t worry, it’s the end of the chapter now. I won’t make the mistake again of rushing into your walls and wailing with my fist (yes, I said it not long ago, remember?) So there it is: the ‘snap’ of us our closed book. You’re safe from me and all my engulfing openness to simply know who you are and how. [This message has been edited by Severn (04-03-2002 07:48 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! Wow, I understand how hard it must feel to say goodbye and leave behind something like that and I am so proud you had the strength to announce how you felt to him! (big hugggsssssss) This is soooooo powerfully heartaching but wonderful, sweet friend, I hope now you have found a new book superior to the original in which loves true story for you is written in his heart, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I used to try and explain it all my own big picture and you – silent, and unpassioned. Didn’t you care? Didn’t you care about me and us and all that potential curled up in our own time-bomb? This begins what reads very much like a outpouring of realization and letting go... reluctance perhaps and regret things are not as you would have had them...but an understanding and acceptance of things as they are. as usual... I greatly enjoyed the read... and hope if it is biographical that your life is soon filled with the love and peace you deserve.... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
quote: that's pretty final. . . for when a gong sounds no longer, it needs to be struck again. . . perhaps, this gong has been struck too much. . . I find much here my friend. . . indeed, an outpouring of emotion from the one who remembers, at the end of it all. . . or perhaps, some months, or years, down the road. . . why is it all so much clearer then?? excellent. . .  ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
hello is hard but bye is tougher can see this one in tri-color well done Severn |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Any man who would ever cause harm or pain to come your way, does far greater harm to himself. This could serve as a maxim for loving what is, not what could be. hugs, J There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and how. Wow. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla This is intense and full of emotion..I can feel it, almost like a scream, and then a sigh..and then I could hear the door close. A growing thing happens opening and closing doors. That's a good thing! |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
ps friglog |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
You’re safe from me and all my engulfing openness ======================================== My eyes flowed down the page with this write. Well done, indeed! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn, You wrote it as it is, enjoyed |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
the more I read the more I am thinking... satpsych J[This message has been edited by Jamie (04-05-2002 12:54 AM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ok - this would have been a lot better in my op had you left of the last line... it almost made the whole seem... almost inconsequential, as if you run through this barrage of heavy thoughts only to render them moot with a superficial "and how" at the end. i did, however, like You’re safe from me and all my engulfing openness to simply know who you are it says much of the author as well as the subject, giving in one shot a view of secrecy and desire, incompatibiliy and frustration. it says a LOT. oh, i also didn't like the 'gong' thing... made my head ring  all-in-all, not one of your best, but you can't write bad poetry (that I've seen yet) so it still works as rumination if not competition for some of your other work. peace, hugs, and all that C |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well, a lesson learned, and shared...and taken deeply into my heart. I have learned it over and over. |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Wow terrific write, great emotional read of lessons learned. floria Floria |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
What a perfect title Kamla.. I read this poem twice, because it has so much in it; the feelings, the simple idea of 'how are you'.. the agony.. and love.. and letting go.. It is truly a work of art you have crafted here.. *Hugs* I do agree with Chris though, when he says it is better without the last line "an how".. I know you are asking through out the whole poem, how he is, and that is kinda the point of it; he doesn't say.. but saying that right at the end almost takes everything away, so that you could have said: How are you? I don't know. Which is HARDLY as powerful as your tearing words here.. I think it is stronger if you leave it at you don't know WHO he is, because it is a deeper emotion to not know who your lover is, than how he is.. IF you get what I mean.. Love you, -Lynne It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold. |
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