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Open Poetry #19
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In Slow Motions
| Open Poetry #19 |
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In Slow Motions |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL 
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the very dispair that I can wring out of my wet with love soul is the cleansing. What becomes of us when we would do anything to rebel against the selves we've let the world see? Tonight I hugged one too many shoulders and one too many shoulders let each of my tears have a place on their compassionate skin. I am weakened with each drink I take but then at least I feel this fake skin sliding off. at least the ruptures of my heart aren't so elaborate when considered with the taste of something strong something sweet. Needing a little something to take the edge off of my seriousness craving the destiny of a world where my whims are at least tried once. There is a me behind here somewhere she is smoldering with a brilliance meant for lovers. One too many faces swept me in their pondering gazes and now I drown in memory of thoughts that shed too much light on an empty impossibility. I am weakened with each drink of attitude I take and I'm becoming the person I knew could be troublesome one day. I'm spending time in this haze to bury myself from you and maybe you'll come searching maybe you won't but the haze is clearer than the life I've had so far. How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
Well done! A thoughtful..and insightful piece... a bit melancholy but not overly so... just enough to lend the right amount of sadness to the mood of the poem. I especially love the lines - "drink of attitude" and "I feel this fake skin sliding off" - Cool visual  I like - Jeff |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Temptress, I loved this line it said so much to me today. "One too many faces swept me in their pondering gazes" In fact I loved the whole piece Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
This is the greatest poem! I'd copied about half of it, then settled on... I am weakened with each drink of attitude I take and I'm becoming the person I knew could be troublesome one day I love those lines! Seriously, I don't save alot but I am saving this. Thanks. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
This is definitely a wonderful poem...one to save...despite the sadness in it.. hugss M "Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less." |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I like the sad ones for some reason, you got me with this one. |
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RSEvans Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147Tulsa, OK, USA |
"but the haze is clearer than the life I've had so far..." I have to say I've never heard this phrase anywhere and yet it fits so well. Like a morning fog after a long long night, eh? Beautiful read. Chivalry is not dead. I saw it coughing up lung butter last night, but it was still alive. I think it has parvo. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) This is indeed a powerfully melancholy poem, sweet friend, though the end shines with a little hope as though the haze is getting lighter and something is brightening up behind the curtain in slow-motion! (kiss on cheek) My heart goes out to you and I wish the greatest happiness for you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jenn, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Temptress, You write so well and there is little I can draw except a full pail. Excellent |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
the clear haze. . . makes me wonder just how clearly we can see. . . well done. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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