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Open Poetry #19
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2002-03-31 12:39 PM


the very dispair that I can wring out of my
wet with love soul
is the cleansing.
What becomes of us when we would do anything
to rebel against the selves we've let the world see?
Tonight I hugged one too many shoulders
and one too many shoulders let each of my tears
have a place on their compassionate skin.
I am weakened with each drink I take
but then at least I feel this fake skin sliding off.
at least the ruptures of my heart aren't so elaborate
when considered with the taste of something strong
something sweet.
Needing a little something to take the edge off of my seriousness
craving the destiny of a world where my whims
are at least tried once.
There is a me behind here somewhere
she is smoldering with a brilliance meant for lovers.
One too many faces swept me in their pondering gazes
and now I drown in memory of thoughts
that shed too much light on an empty impossibility.
I am weakened with each drink of attitude I take
and I'm becoming the person I knew could be troublesome one day.
I'm spending time in this haze to bury myself from you
and maybe you'll come searching
maybe you won't
but the haze is clearer than the life I've had so far.

How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so.
~Sarah MacLachlan~

© Copyright 2002 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved
Jeffrey E. Osborne
Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160
out there
1 posted 2002-03-31 12:56 PM



     Well done! A thoughtful..and insightful piece... a bit melancholy but not overly so... just enough to lend the right amount of sadness to the mood of the poem.
     I especially love the lines - "drink of attitude" and "I feel this fake skin sliding off" - Cool visual
                     I like  - Jeff
    

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
2 posted 2002-03-31 01:33 AM


Temptress,
I loved this line it said so much to me today.
"One too many faces swept me in their pondering gazes"
In fact I loved the whole piece
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

3 posted 2002-03-31 01:58 AM


This is the greatest poem!
I'd copied about half of it, then settled on...

I am weakened with each drink of attitude I take
and I'm becoming the person I knew could be troublesome one day

I love those lines!  Seriously, I don't save alot but I am saving this.  Thanks.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
4 posted 2002-03-31 03:13 AM


This is definitely a wonderful poem...one to save...despite the sadness in it..

hugss
M

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2002-03-31 04:04 AM


I like the sad ones for some reason, you got me with this one.
RSEvans
Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147
Tulsa, OK, USA
6 posted 2002-03-31 08:16 AM


"but the haze is clearer than the life I've had so far..."

I have to say I've never heard this phrase anywhere and yet it fits so well.  Like a morning fog after a long long night, eh?  Beautiful read.

Chivalry is not dead.  I saw it coughing up lung butter last night, but it was still alive.  I think it has parvo.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
7 posted 2002-03-31 12:12 PM




(big hugggsssssss) This is indeed a powerfully melancholy poem, sweet friend, though the end shines with a little hope as though the haze is getting lighter and something is brightening up behind the curtain in slow-motion! (kiss on cheek) My heart goes out to you and I wish the greatest happiness for you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jenn, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2002-03-31 12:25 PM


Temptress,
You write so well and there is little I can draw except a full pail. Excellent

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
9 posted 2002-04-01 04:55 PM


the clear haze. . . makes me wonder just how clearly we can see. . .

well done. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

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