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Open Poetry #19
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language barrier
| Open Poetry #19 |
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language barrier |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods 
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I dream that I am under glass. You knock lightly on the other side and smile, Make a gesture I do not understand. Begin to lift my hands to answer back, initiate translation by imitation... but see, for once, the slender torso, the green scales, feel the viper fangs and liberate jaw... the tongue that has served me in speech till now, made friends and foes... slithers slyly, only, its quest now to detect the texture of fragrance in the air... an instrument, not tied, but altogether unavailing... But there are words in my belly, round and exact as eggs... in each a sacred concept, awaiting birth, squirming to be let free... must, they cry, with that instinct stronger than murder, than love, than hope... live Then, with the dream of dreams, as if belief could break reality, I test the fold of flesh that holds my mouth, round it to the subtle flavor of words, attempt to sibilate... But feel the small circles of voice inside me kindle... melt down, scald the tender pink around them... I cough ashes, blow smoke against the glass... which obscures me from you completely... Your frantic hands lost to vagueness, grey... Damn the glass, I think, proposing it be the problem... coil and strike But a subjective prison will. not. break. So, bruised, and feeling broken... combustion vapor stinging my eyes... I scream: guttural, metallic and unsound: knives crashing. Listen to it, ashamed, somehow, because you would never understand. |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* such pain screaming out for someone to understand and hear the soul as it suffers life...Stunning...**big hugs** Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Elizabeth, this is so very sad, my heart goes out to you and the pain you feel and I too believe I wouldn't understand but my thoughts are with you and I pray that these words will coe to you and set you free with hope and warmth! (kiss on cheek) We all love you so much, sweet friend, God Bless You! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Elizabeth, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow! A powerful piece Elizabeth. Wonderful imagery throughout ... from the descriptive image presented with "words in my belly, round and exact as eggs" ... to the visual impact brought on by the "coil and strike". An excellent write, very much enjoyed!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Been eating strange foods before bed, have we..? Delightfully, convincingly serpentine. I daresay, though that the average reptile cares very little for initiating communication with the gawkers on the other side of the glass, and is likely more engaged in wondering what we would taste like with ketchup ... heh You do not disappoint. What an odd dream ... the Freudians would have a heyday. ~C |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
...Incredible write!... ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I have weird dreams, but they don't involve such incredible imagery. I enjoyed your poem. Nan |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
It is very painful and hard to deal with when understanding each other becomes so difficult as to seem nearly impossible. This communicates that need to be heard. Nicely done M. JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Startime, yes, exactly, dear... thanks for the hugs, they’re needed right now *warm mooshies back* Thanks for your stunning & your sigh... Noah, I find your template responses insulting. Will continue discussion of this further in e-mail, please do NOT respond here. Repeat: Do NOT Respond Here. Kit. ~warm smile~ Thank you, Kit. What a welcome, insightful response. ~grins~ I was worried about that ‘coil and strike’ line -- I was! I thought it might be a bit cliché... but I’m glad it came across with “impact”... you’ve calmed my slight misgivings (well, in this area  ).So very glad you enjoyed, and took the time & care to comment. Again, thank you.Linda (er... I think), Oh, you know me and my cannibalistic tendencies ~smile~ Hmm... and I thought that ketchup was reserved for dragons; snakes, on the other hand, quite enjoy Worcestershire sauce... mmmmmm... As always, praise from you dear is very high praise... thanks for dropping in after such a long drought and paying this diminutive post some choice attention. Delightfully, convincingly serpentine... mmmm... I like that. Freudians, indeed... what kind of communication could that snake be craving??? *ahem* WHAT is with the sig? “~C”??? p.s. I thought you were suppose to be ‘descenting’ this weekend... what’s up? Enchantress, ...Thank you!... Nan, ~smirksmile~ Ah, you should see my visions upon waking, Nan! Glad you enjoyed. Jamie, for you on this one... god, I got all sniffley at your response lol... it doesn’t just hit home, dear, it digs down deep, and starts to tug doggie-style the meat from the bone. You more than nailed it (in that way that gives back when something is undeerstood)... no, more... you confirmed, gave reason to this being written. If it sounds strange, ahh hell... more in e-mail, I think, I’ve a bit to say to you... so laters .Thanks all. ~m |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Your writing and imagery truly amaze me, Elizabeth. Too wonderful! Michael Michael Auguste~ |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You dreamt you were a snake? Oh how I detest them. I wonder what that dream would mean if it were analyzed? That poor snake just wanted to be noticed for what it was, be heard and understood I think, and when it wasn't anger set in and it struck, but felt the lack of understanding hurt. Well, your dream made for a great write anyways, and very much like how most human beings just constantly need some validation by and connections to people who seem to have deaf ears. Can you tell I liked it? Great write! [This message has been edited by Mysteria (03-06-2002 04:20 AM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Pondering, pondering... Well..knowing what I do of this, I feel like anything coming out of my mouth will just be...inadequate. Really. Sigh...you know so much of what I think anyway don't you, about all this... give yourself a hug, and know that a glass jar is merely a perspective... an angle... (a flying one? A glorious flying angle??) And snakes..ah well..interesting...I think I'd rather see you as a cute little bunny hahaha...ok, I've killed that train of thought. Remember - I know how you feel about being understood, with my own A. I know I know I know...it sucks, it's frustrating and feels so...like being collapsed into a space without air, into a place where you are lost - when the one who you want to hear you seems so DEAF, or maybe you're on mute mode, and it's so confusing because you're not sure exactly which one it is sometimes... above all, it just hurts. Sometimes though, sometimes I guess in the end it just is and we all have to find ridiculous little ways to reconcile ourselves to it, and figure out how best to handle the situation. What a load of palava - tell me to shut up hon, before I give us all a headache... HUGS...will write a bit later. Love you dear. Lots and lots. Yer mate K... p.s - I did forget to mention in the process of that ramble, that I think you're one heck of a ritter of peams... ~All my life I've been crazy |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
*laughing* How is it that whenever I want to reply to one of K's poems, I have to follow one of YOUR replies...and when I want to reply to your poem, ~poof~ there's K. You two should write a book on beautiful conversation. Serious - I bet if I went and made a collection just out of your conversation, you'd be billionaires!  *scowl* I WAS going to say something nice and trite, thank you very much, but after all these wonderful replies it would have just come out as "duu-HUR! shore is a nice POME you got there girl!" (maybe that's better than being trite?) Okay miss - we haven't talked in ages, but sometimes I feel like you speak ME. You know? I guess I just feel it, yanno? I really feel it. (speaking of feeling - would you like to touch my tortilla?)  S.H.H.Nic [This message has been edited by Nicole (03-06-2002 10:31 AM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
… do you understand (hah) how difficult it is to just listen sometimes? have you ever felt that bone-jarring tug toward resolution vs. static acceptance? ahh, I have, and it’s tough, very tough… though maybe not as bad as this. maybe. maybe just different. from line one, you plopped despair down on the operating table then subsequently began to eviscerate it… and me: ‘under’ the glass as opposed to ‘behind’ it. that right there starts off the killing stroke, which you swing ever so slowly throughout the remainder of your words. it’s like stark anticipation of impending doom… seeing it coming, knowing it’s coming, and being unable to do anything except try to hide… but you can’t, can’t turn away – it’s the morbid fascination of the damned which keeps your expanded pupils locked on the object of your misery… or, maybe, the undying hope of the overly-optimistic that won’t allow you to turn away from the pain of the truth, the possibility of confirmation, the relief of understanding. I wonder… if sometimes it IS like your analogy here (trying to understand – sigh). perhaps that difference between snake and ‘other’ is merely the beginning. there IS that glass – that separation through which one can see their goal, but not. quite. touch. it. but… maybe, just maybe, like you said, belief CAN’T break reality… perhaps though, it can bend it a bit. I’m thinking here of the idea of shared symbolism… of finding the common ground and building the structure from that point. of wiping away the smoke (speaking of, trying to quit… again, lol – wish me luck) and taking that one commonality… the glass. touching it, hand to hand, tongue to tongue ( +1 BOTH of you ) and working from that shared viewpoint. “Stone,” he said, gently placing her fingers on the rough surface of the mineral composite resting in his hand. “Stone.” “Stone,” she repeats, smiling at him. Then, “Rock,” she says taking his hand and running it along the surface. “Rock,” he repeats in wonder. “Stone,” she replies with another smile. Who knows – maybe there is no possibility of true translation. but if one can say ‘stone’ and have the other understand it as ‘rock,’ then at least there is the beginning of understanding, even if it will never be complete or perfect, as stone and rock don’t mean the EXACT same thing… but close enough for some form of understanding. It may get harder as more complex concepts arise, but it’s possible that with a firm foundation of stone-to-rock it can get somewhere. just a thought/possibility/idea/suggestion. I only have one point of critiquing for this, since I don’t think it’s one you really wrote to be critiqued, but this part DID throw me a little bit. quote:I really don’t think these two stanzas should be broken up – I actually paused at the break after “reality,” because I had been waiting for an action that didn’t occur until the next stanza. Just my op – the disjointedness of the entirety works well, but this part confused me. In all, this was an incredible ride of heavy-hearted phrases resplendent with multiple jabs of poetic dissection and sharp, vivid imagery that grips you by the throat and shakes you around unmercifully. it is by far the most powerful of your peaMs I’ve read so far… but it could be the aptness that makes it so. many hugs ocean princess, C oh – ps: what are you doing Saturday night? if you’re not busy, wanna go out? i've got something in mind for your b-day… write me at work and let me know, k? hugs again. life = realizations, ironies, semantics, & bad analogies. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
the barriers between spoken and unspoken. . . between spirit and being. . . they have languages all their own. . . but. . . are they the same language, just spoken in different words and tones? I'm wondering about the different voices that all of us have within ourselves. . . and what makes them speak to each other. . .and how they understand each other when we don't have a first thought at what they're talking about. . . there is much here indeed. . . I find that your work is always multi-leveled, multi-faceted. . . and meant to be read over and over again. . . well done. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
So Sven... tell me about these voices...heh sorry-- couldn't resist... not to diminish your fine peam M |
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Ivy Rose Senior Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300MA, USA |
Elizabeth...A magnificent display of writing brilliance. Your wording is so subtle; yet hits the mark in the heart like a dagger. ***Ivy Rose |
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