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Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member

since 1999-08-26

Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho

0 posted 2002-03-03 02:46 PM

The north wind whipped up from the ravine
blowing water into my eyes
the night that Phoebe died.

- - - - I watched the last of the light fade against the fields
- - - - smudging the snow into charcoal black;
- - - - camouflaging the deer and rabbit tracks.

Camouflaging too, the car tracks
leading away forever from our house
through the unforgiving woods.

- - - - Laying the helpless book across my knees,
- - - - I felt the clock’s ticking stealing my thoughts,
- - - - leaving frozen numbness in the air.

Where did these drops on my shirt come from?
Shut the door quick, would you, Martha?
The chill is too sharp tonight.

- - - - I won’t be hearing the ospreys in the morning, she replied.
- - - - I have gone deaf, and my eyes can’t hear.
- - - - Please don’t tell me what I can’t bear to see.

Come, get yourself together, Martha.
Put a log on the coals, would you?
There must be a cold front moving in.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

1 posted 2002-03-03 02:52 PM

You know...I'm not really sure I completely understand what is going on in this poem,but I have a bit of an idea...I wonder if you could clarify it for me? I know I like it..if thats not too weird because of the fact that I don't entirely understand it..I just like presence of a story so far...
I feel something in it..

LOL! Here's hoping you'll have time to get back to me.

For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2002-03-03 03:05 PM

Rosemary

There is a finality in this poem of cold air and tracks away, as if death is in the air. Quite an atmesphere you have painted, and I feel like a log on the fire won't take the chill away.

Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member

since 1999-08-26

Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho

3 posted 2002-03-03 03:52 PM

Thank you for your comments! I really wanted some. I wonder, if a man had written it, would you have seen it any differently?

It is actually about an old couple whose grown daughter was killed in a car accident. Written from a bitter old man's point of view, rejecting the woman's hysteria and grief.

The cold hopelessness WAS something I tried to paint. I guess I succeeded there!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

4 posted 2002-03-03 07:49 PM

You succeeded quite nicely - as you always do...

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2002-03-03 07:55 PM

(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh my gosh, I a so happy you explained whta this poem was about or I might have gotten the wrong impression also, my heart cries out to Phoebe's loss and the insensitive tone in the man's voice as the mother grieves over her loss! (sad sigh) My heart goes out to the whole family, sweet friend, I hope that soon the father can forgive her and reach out with his compassion too! We all love you so much, sweet friend, God Bless You! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Rosemary, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member

since 1999-08-26

Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho

6 posted 2002-03-03 11:44 PM

Thank you, Nan and Noah. I truly appreciate the comments here. It was a new kind of poetry for me.

Noah, you gave me a new idea. For the worth of the poem, it might be better if Phoebe had done something her father hated, and he wouldn't forgive her. Perhaps she had only died in his heart.

I hadn't thought of that, but it works.

lucky
Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 1601
Idaho

7 posted 2002-03-10 09:48 PM

sorry it took me so long honey because I
really did think this was a good writing.
I think some of the people here didn't
catch it all.

lots of love, dale

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2002-03-10 09:53 PM

Very very fascinating write!
Enjoyed the read tonight!
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Sometimes all you really wish for...
is someone to wish for you.~

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

9 posted 2002-03-10 10:26 PM

Well this was awesome and with that added touch of dying in his heart that was the icing on the cake wasn't it? I loved your presentation of this piece, it kept the reader running down the page in anticipation. The coldness of death and loss was felt trust me.

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
~* Albert Einstein *~

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

10 posted 2002-03-10 10:59 PM

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I read this one. The image of blowing snow covering the last traces of a loved one as they departed, and the loss of hearing the calls of the wild, left me with a sense of overwhelming sadness. It's the same way I felt on 9/11, as I looked out my window at the start of another winter, knowing thousands of others had just lost a loved one. Your imagery is 3D.

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (03-10-2002 11:44 PM).]

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