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Coral Dreams
| Open Poetry #19 |
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Coral Dreams |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Coral Dreams In coral of southern oceans Swims our butterflies of notions. In crystal clear with kilts of flair They play among the coral there. In enigma they lift and fly With sun and moon as you and I And tenderly they wave their fins Like butterflies gossamer thins. Both true and fancy do they dance Within the wiles of dreamers chance Both dreamers and the kilted fish All flow within a filtered wish. It’s more than butterflies that show It’s more than dreams that really flow It’s you and I within the mist It’s really phantoms that insist. So butterfly or coral fish It is the mind that makes the wish. [This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (03-03-2002 03:05 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh, what a lovely piece Sy ... whimsical and flowing ... beautiful imagery! Very much enjoyed!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wish away! For I've received my smile, and join the others... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Kit, Thank you,  Sunshine, Your smile is a ray of sun. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Sy...very nice and appropriate...never had compared some of the ocean's fish to our winged friends...but they are so much alike. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Magnus, Yes they are, thank you. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Both true and fancy do they dance Within the wiles of dreamers chance Both dreamers and the kilted fish All flow within a filtered wish. It's more then butterflies that show It's more then dreams that really flow It's you and I within the mist It's really phantoms that insist. So butterfly or coral fish It is the mind that makes the wish. ====================================== Oh I would be remiss ... If I couldnt grant thee, thy every wish So consider this a dreamer's kiss I'm sending you the bliss of the butterfly fish.     *winkiewinkie*  |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Wow you did a superb job on this one seymour. a lovely poem. floria Floria |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
JM, I'll have to run out and get a larger aquarium. On second thought I'll send Randy. And I'll take the kiss for the wish. Winkiewinkie Randy stinky. Floria, Thank you sweet. |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Seymour darling boy Oh WOW when YOU write you really write, this is utterly utterly fabulous. This is so incredibly right I love it love it love it. This carried me away darling boy, utterly utterly fabulous writing YOU are indeed a writer. Thank you for the delight of this one    Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Mushy, Thank you Vandana, Thank you. |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
reminds of the days I kept tropical fish in an acquarium..the alliteration at all flow within a filtered wish is dandy too..neat poem  [This message has been edited by ecrivan (03-03-2002 10:29 AM).] |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ecriven, Thank you for the neat. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Seymour, this has such a lovely, rhythmic feel to it. It's like a waltz, I think. I do think the 1st stanza needs a little tweaking. I love the word "gossamer" but twice in the same stanza tends to weaken the introduction to your lovely poem. Also, in the following stanza, I believe you want 'than' rather than 'then.' In my opinion, this is too lovely a piece not to work out those small things. Enjoyed your poem a great deal. "It’s more then butterflies that show It’s more then dreams that really flow It’s you and I within the mist It’s really phantoms that insist." Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I liked this so much, especially the last two lines. It seems the water just sparkles and a person can see the reefs changing colors beneath it. Beautiful images~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sy You write an aquarium of color and delight! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Awwwwwwww, this is sooooooo breathtaking, sweet friend, your gorgeous words are always an aquarium of magic and love! (big hugggsssssss) We all love you so much, sweet friend, may we dive under the sea in our dreams and find the pearls of joy and happiness! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Seymour, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
VAS, I'll work on the corrections, thanks. Blues, Thank you dear. Martie, Noah, Thank you my friend. |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Oh what imaginitive imagery, Sy!  Beautifully done!  copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Madame C, Thank you |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Like this Seymour....James |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Thank you James. |
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