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Pretend
| Open Poetry #19 |
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Pretend |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Throughout my days of aching smiles and hollow laughter I play my con game Until I cross the threshold of my domain and I’m alone with my thoughts Only then do I allow myself to feel the truth that I keep I just sit in the dark with my lids closed, exhausted from the wear this puts on me Suddenly they will wince, allowing a drop to sneak out from the corner of my lying eyes But unlike the old adage, this revelation never sets me free © David 2002 [This message has been edited by GenXer (03-02-2002 10:19 PM).] |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
damn...this makes me want to hug you and make it all ok....  I hope you are ok |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
There is much anguish in this lonely piece...There is no harder critique than that we give ourselves my friend. Happiness to you... moved me deeply. ThisDiamond |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Susan - Thanks for reading, and though I feel this way at times, I am okay. I enjoy TV too much to sit in the dark for a long time, though, it does save on the electric bill.lol Dave |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
sounds like you just need a little candle light....  glad you are ok |
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Krissy Senior Member
since 2002-02-22
Posts 556kent England |
Dave hi there, I like this, but I can think of far more interesting things to do in the dark, I’d liven you up. Wouldn’t you rather serve me Tea. You can give it to mum later, I said I was the younger prettier model. You know she’s going to murder me don’t you, but she’s got to catch me first I’m sure you’d enjoy taking Tea with me. You are an excellent writer. And I really do like this one big grin   Love and warm stuff As always Krissy And while thy willing soul transpiers |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
A very beautiful free verse poem, Dave.... Very melancholy  I didn't know you needed help with your electric bill....I guess New York is really an expensive place to live if you have to keep your lights off  copyright2002 Lyra Nesius |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Dave darling boy Do you know how good this really is? I mean the construction the flow the internal rhythm this is utterly stunning. YOU are indeed a master of art here Now as for the little trollop you don’t want her darling boy, I know what you need, and you just know I can give it to you. Take the kettle off the boil darling boy I’ll make my own steam See my darling daughter you can’t hold a candle to your mum, can she darling boy. I think you’ll find that leaves you way behind darling girl, ciao I love it darling boy it and you are utterly wonderful Absolutely perfectly wonderful writing  Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
ThisDiamond - You are right, I am my biggest critic. It is something I've always struggled with. Thanks for reading. Susan - Thanks again. Krissy - Please behave now. I promised to have tea with your mother first, I can't go against my word. Though, I think having a cup of tea with you would be splendid, I only have a limited amount to go around.lol  Thanks for reading. Lyra - Thanks, and yes, it is very expensive to live in NY. Not only do I not turn on the lights, I haven't showered in days. I also eat my food uncooked to save on my gas and electric bills as well.lol |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Marsha -Thanks for your kind comments. With comments like "take the kettle of the boil I'll make my own steam," you are right, no one can hold a candle to you. Now Marsha, I don't even drink tea, so that fact that I would drink tea if you came to visit me, shows that no one can come close to you.  By the way, did you just knock your daughter off the computer, or you two taking turns.lol Dave |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Dave, this is so very sad, my heart goes out to you and the sadness you feel! (sigh) I know just how you feel for when I'm alone all the time, I always just want to lie in the darkness and dream away! We all love you so much, sweet friend, my thoughts are with you always! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet David, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Dave darling boy I ejected her yes, it’s bad enough that she’s omnipresent, but when it comes to messing with my Tea time then that is outside of enough. Besides it was time she went home, she’d been here far too long. I knew you wouldn’t be sitting in the dark for long darling boy, the steam is simmering nicely It is a great piece of writing darling boy, it really is   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79 |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Dave, I'm glad you are ok. Just watch yourself, I've been to that dark place too. It is easy sometimes to visit to long. I enjoyed this. Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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JamesBowie Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 252big old Bangor Maine up by the shack |
pain makes us what e are, as well as love and courage and success. From one gen x to another-you did good |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Dave isn't it interesting that sometimes the truth doesn't set you free at all. Loved your write although it was not lovely and I suspect the shadows of your self criticism will chase me all night so if I write dark it will YOUR fault. And I'm not offering tea or sympathy for self inflicted pain. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I play my con game Until I cross the threshold of my domain and I’m alone with my thoughts Only then do I allow myself to feel the truth that I keep I absolutely, positively loved this! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
The last two lines of each stanza stuck out... thank you... |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I read this differently and am not really sure now..I for one, hate con games and those that play them, but it seems others made light of all this, probably knowing and understanding you better. It sort of reminded me of telemarketers ( a crummy example)and all the lies to get you to buy and I wondered do they have a conscience..what happens to them when they try to sleep at night..do they have a tear flowing down? *sorry do not mean to take it out on you...*s just brought up some deeper feelings M |
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RavenSnow Junior Member
since 2002-01-30
Posts 16 |
As always, your dark work shines Dave. Your free verse is excellent. You really capture "the feeling" here. RS |
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Spirit Of Twilight Member
since 2002-01-11
Posts 116India |
This poem is so beautiful and oh the darkness..I loved it too, long ago and I know what it feels. The Dark is a good companion for grief and despair, but look out of your window..at the bright lights and beautiful sunsets and sunrises and you'll want to be a part of light too! Take care of yourself. Keep writing!! Neha |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Dave this is so very heartfelt. Yes the dark is a great place to beat yourself up. To be self critical. I criticize myself a lot so I know about that place, you take care, you are such a good writer with so much feeling in your work. floria Floria |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Noah - Thanks for your kind coments. Marsha - I hope you didn't physically have to remove her from your home. By the way, my mirrors and windows are covered in steam, I think that means the tea is ready. What do you think?lol James - Good to see there is another GenXer here. I agree, all of those things make us who we are. Tara - Don't worry, I am so afraid of the dark, I carry a flashlight whereever I go.lol Keth - I hope I didn't cause the arising of any dark thoughts since I consider this, for me, to be a cheerful write.lol Yes, I am lying. Seriously, I write this stuff because it is mainly the one feeling that spurs my writing the most. But I don't want to, nor will I ever, burden others with my problems. Now can you please help me. |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Karilea - If I had to pick my two favorite lines, it would be the last two as well. Or maybe I would choose the my copyright symbol down below.lol Thanks for reading. M - I am not a big fan of telemarketers either.lol When I wrote con game, I meant not expressing my true feelings to anyone. That, by the way I act in my daily interactions, that you would never guess this feeling is within me. Or maybe, all telemarketers cry in the dark. You know it ain't easy being hung up on.lol Blue - You are too kind. Thanks. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
If this is happy...oh please...don't show us the ones that are not....much emotion and depth in this poem.. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
awwwww geez now I feel so dumb..someone else said it was like you con yourself and I didn't see that..nor that you maybe are "putting on a face" for others. I have never been great at interpreting..just as those who read me think they understand me and they don't. Thanks for the explanation. *S and the laugh by the way, once I kept a telemarketer on because I didnt want to hang up and he didnt want to call anymore because I was so nice to him so I read poetry to him for an hour *s and then sent him a poem written for him.if I can find that poem I wrote about it I will place it here for you. Maureen That Soliciting Thing! ~~~softsmiles upon my face you'll see I'm thinking, writing happily first awake and look on here pleasant comments do appear making new friends, Oh how great! reading poems, just can't wait to see each new one added on enjoying, smiling ... one by one then the phone begins to RiNgGgGg gee, it's just that soliciting thing! I'm too nice, to hang up today instead, I let him talk away ... it's MCI wanting me to change but I'm too set to rearrange "I've AT&T and like it just fine you'll never get ME to change MY mind" this is what I said to John but he liked my voice and wouldn't move on he said he liked my attitude and wanted to talk to help his mood I told him I shouldn't ( his time ) monopolize he said WHO CARES? this he realized said talking to me makes it easier when the next few calls hang up again so the next we spoke was of the 'net' and the poetry sites for him to get he asked for one, I read 'the letter' this one made him feel even better for his circumstances were similar to mine and hearing my poem, made him feel just 'fine' so another new friendship ... was happening developed from that awful, soliciting thing! an hour of time he spent with me me reading, him listening, to poetry he promised when he sees me on the line to contact me to read more of mine and I promised him ... a poem I'd write about his dad ... for him tonight what a strange kind of day, this turned out to be but a new friend, now, I have found in 'he' 2/9/99 [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (03-03-2002 11:51 AM).] |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
This dark, free verse is done quite well Dave,and I too save on electicity at times |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Maureen - What a great story. I never thought I'd hear or read a positive story that involved a telemarketing experience, but this one was very sweet. Thanks for sharing it. And by the way, I am not the best interpreter at times either. Martin - Glad to see you can sympathize with me. I mean on the electric bill.lol Thanks for reading. Floria - You are too kind. Thanks. Magnus - Thanks for reading and for the laugh. I guess I am not that good of a liar.lol I guess I am not good at much of anything.(kidding)lol RS - Thanks for reading. Neha - Thanks for reading and the advice. I just have to get some windows in my place and I'll be all set. |
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