I don't know if this is the right place...

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Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

0 posted 2002-04-07 06:22 AM

I don't know if this is the right place for this, but I needed to talk to someone, and all of you have been such wonderful friends to me..

I feel so depressed, I'm not sure why - it's just all the little things compounding.. the atmosphere at home; everyone arguing at the slightest provocation.. and having so little time to do anything.. I guess also maybe that I haven't figured out what my goal for this year is, because I still don't really want to do bursary this year.. I'm the kind of person who throws everything into whatever I do, and I feel like I have already thrown more than my whole self into my past years of school and there is nothing left of me.. I'm not enjoying it anymore - I want to be writing, but I can't seem to find time now, and every time I just HAVE to write, it takes time away from everything else I am expected to do, which takes a little of the joy out of it..
I'm sorry for blathering, you guys shouldn't have to listen to this..

But.. I just need to know that I have some friends, because nothing in my life seems very friendly right now; I haven't enough time to do the things I love and that keep me sane - like writing, spending time with the people who make me feel good, like my best friend and my boyfriend - two of the most wonderful people I know.. and spending time here, reading your poems, and sharing my own; this place has become like a family to me, but this year I have hardly stuck my head through the door.
I just don't know how to deal with myself at the moment.. Having written this I feel a little better tonight, but always I feel like there is a black, lead sheet smothering me.. I feel half suffocated already.. :{

Thank you, I'm sorry I'm not really myself yet this year; it might take me 'til the end of this year to find myself again..

I just really needed to talk to someone... Thank you again

-Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (04-07-2002 06:25 AM).]

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

1 posted 2002-04-07 09:55 AM

Hi Lynne - you felt the need for some Sanctuary...that's great. We all need a place to hide once in awhile.

Your depression is normal and talking about it helps. Sigh. Life is rough sometimes isn't it? Decisions to make. People to take care of, in one way or another. We sometimes spend more time making sure everyone around us is happy and content that we forget to make sure WE are too. I think you should take some time for yourself. But don't do the things you normally do - do something different. Volunteer at a center that helps underpriviledged kids or old people. Get a different perspective on life and then you can see your own more clearly.

Write when you can - that's all you can do to satisfy THAT need. Even if it's 10 minutes a day - snippets of thought that can be developed later.

Think of your favorite sound - the ocean or the birds first thing in the morning - think of your favorite smell - and then smile. You are special. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing. And if you don't like that decision - change your mind! What's a mind for if we can't change it now and then?

Take care, Lynne.

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member

since 2000-10-13

Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods

2 posted 2002-04-07 11:20 AM

Sometimes it's a terrible relief to talk and talk to someone and be given in response: I know.

And sometimes it's a terrible relief just to talk and talk without the fear of overwhelming the person you're flooding.

Lynne, e me if you feel the need to gush; if you are struggling and feel you've 'used up' all your resources... (assuming that's why you're here, really).

I've been where you are. And I know the need of a friend to listen.

~smiles~ Even one you haven't met yet...

so, nice to meet you, Lynne.

You WILL get through this, everything WILL work out in the end... it's just the getting there that's the hard part. Good luck and good graces, and just. keep. trying.

HUGE HUGS (cuz you need it)

~megs

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

3 posted 2002-04-07 10:11 PM

Thank you PdV and Elizabeth, you are both such lovely, caring people.. I'll take to heart your advice. Yes, it is a huge relief to talk to someone - just 'let it flood'..
Thank you for letting me borrow your shoulder, and for making me smile..

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

4 posted 2002-04-10 10:59 PM

Hi Yu Lan,

sorry to know of your sentiments but still glad to read your words again..do you still remember me?

i don't have any advice myself..sometimes i feel so overwhelmed by life and i seem to be dragged along by its vicious waves...

oh well, that sounds a tad dramatic yup?

anyway, just wanted to say hi and that i read your words and hope that life gets better for you

HUGS
kaile

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

5 posted 2002-04-10 11:01 PM

and you can email me if you need to gush..
after all, misery loves company, right?

take care

jamesjiao
Member

since 2000-04-12

Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon

6 posted 2002-04-12 02:03 AM

Hello,

I am really sorry to hear all about this and I am sorry if I have been ignoring you all the time. If you have anything you want to 'flush', just email me. If you don't get any feedback form me, it's probably because I am too busy (which is the case right now), but at least you should know that I read and understand your problems.

They argue because they are probably too defensive of their own positions. Maybe you should try libraries if you really want to study. I don't think I can work well in such a noisy environment like your home. Maybe you could move out and flat with someone after high school.

And yes, this is the right place to express yourself

==James==

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

7 posted 2002-04-12 10:01 PM

Hugs sweety..will reply to your email soon btw...

K

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

8 posted 2002-04-12 11:17 PM

Kaile, of course I remember you!

hehe, drama is what makes life exciting ;P
Thank you, I'll think of you all next time I'm not feeling like myself..

James! It's good to hear from you.. Don't worry - I've been just as busy.. I meant to drop in to see you after work a few nights ago, but I didn't ring first so I thought 5:30 was a bit rude.. what time do you usually have dinner?
Thanks..

And thanks Kamla ~ (I' look forward 2 your mail)

I'm more cheerful now; I think I have things in control.. for now..

And I attended a writers workshop on Thursday and Friday mornings last week, so I've had a bit of a chance to let the creative juices squirt again.. ^_^ I feel like myself.

I love you guys, you really are very special people..

-Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

9 posted 2002-05-01 11:13 AM

Lynne,

post those creative pieces you wrote for your workshop!

glad to know you are in control..Go Girl Power..

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

10 posted 2002-05-02 03:43 AM

Okies!

Here are some new ones of mine.. (in the Poetic Haven)

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

11 posted 2002-05-03 12:21 PM

welcome back..i hope you will stay for a while...

anyway, thanks for replying to those posts in Open #19..just to satisfy your curiosity, some poets have been churning brilliant gems containing 20 or less words...

i am one lazy guy, hence my eagerness to try out some "20 or less" musings...after all, less is more

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